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catcalled and groped every time I go out

(306 Posts)
DuploTower Wed 15-Jan-20 09:29:48

Aibu reasonable to be suspicious of women who claim to be catcalled and groped every time they go out?

Or am I just too old and unattractive to know what that's like and that it does happen.

I'm certainly not saying it never happens. And if someone finds it uncomfortable or intimidating it's not OK.

But every time you go out?

Is it a bit of a stealth brag?

They must be exaggerating.

Aibu?

astrorosa Wed 15-Jan-20 09:31:29

I'm surprised that it happens nowadays. I like to think we've made a lot of progress since the MeToo movement.

NoSauce Wed 15-Jan-20 09:32:40

Which women?

astrorosa Wed 15-Jan-20 09:32:40

That said. I was cancelled a lot from 13-24, so I wonder who would brag about predatory behaviour being directed at themselves?...

lovemenorca Wed 15-Jan-20 09:32:59

Would love to see any posts you referring to that say they get this every time they leave the house

astrorosa Wed 15-Jan-20 09:33:04

Cat-called not cancelled angry

Bluntness100 Wed 15-Jan-20 09:34:11

Who says this? Who is cat calling them and groping them? That's very odd. Are you making it up or do you actually know women who say they are groped every time they step out the door?

PlomBear Wed 15-Jan-20 09:36:13

Street harassment is real.

www.ihollaback.org/read-stories/

When living in a slightly dodgy area of London, I got groped once by a guy on a bike and regularly had abuse shouted out of car windows or men leering at me. And I’m pretty average!

toodivineforthehumanmind Wed 15-Jan-20 09:36:18

If you go clubbing it's common but never seen it anywhere else

GinUnicorn Wed 15-Jan-20 09:36:41

Honestly I used to get catcalled a lot where I lived before (not everyday but enough to cause annoyance) and it was certainly not about how I looked but idiot men trying to assert dominance. I don’t think it’s ever a positive experience.

Since moving I don’t think it’s happened once which is great but in my experience it wouldn’t be a stealth boast - it’s genuinely really unpleasant. I’d be out with my newborn and have some arse shout he was fathering the next one. It’s not about being attractive it’s about idiots trying to keep women in their way place.

PlomBear Wed 15-Jan-20 09:38:01

When I lived and worked in the Middle East, I had a few occasions where groups of young men surrounded me and tried to touch me. Men shouting out the car windows things in Arabic at me. Very unpleasant.

MsTSwift Wed 15-Jan-20 09:39:44

I got cat called and verbal comments from random men from around 14- mid twenties. Lived quite rurally builders leaning out of vans etc. Obviously not every time I went out but enough to be an unpleasant pattern of behaviour. I was too ashamed to actually tell anyone though

MsTSwift Wed 15-Jan-20 09:41:33

Also followed and flashed at in France aged 15 (and quite geeky was hardly a teenage siren) and in cities too. Bum groped obscene remarks leering. Quite marvellous being 45 grin

ComtesseDeSpair Wed 15-Jan-20 09:44:01

I’d wonder where these women live that it happens on a daily basis. I don’t think I’ve been groped in public (not counting nightclubs) in almost a decade; and catcalling is definitely much rarer. Occasionally some man will mutter “beautiful” or “hey sexy” under his breath as I walk past, but I can’t remember the last time I was catcalled. I think that nowadays the strict disciplinary procedures that construction companies and trades operate for employees who harass women (and possibly combined with increasing numbers of women working on the office side in these companies) means that the former main offenders have been curbed.

shreddednips Wed 15-Jan-20 09:49:08

I used to get catcalled a lot when I lived in London and it could be daily depending on where I went etc or if I was with my boyfriend. Not so much now. Although I was catcalled really loudly from a van of builders while I was struggling along the road with heavy shopping and 9 months pregnant. It's really unpleasant and I think it's more about intimidation than anything else.

ninecoronas Wed 15-Jan-20 09:49:14

Yabu. Doesn't happen to me much these days but as a teenager I was witness to my friend, who had a large bust, particularly for a teenager, subjected to cat calls, groping, come-ons, abuse from both men and women.... every time she went out. Not out out either, just to the shops or park. It was vile and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I hope to god no-one she ever mentioned it to accused her of exaggerating or bragging.

Clymene Wed 15-Jan-20 09:49:38

If you think being catcalled or groped is a stealth boast, there's something wrong with your thinking.

looselegs Wed 15-Jan-20 09:50:12

My daughter gets it all the time,and she's only 16!
On the bus to the station, on the train to college, walking through the station to the platform....she rang me the other day from the station and while she was on the phone to me, some guy starts hassling her in the background, asking her to go back to his!! She said he was about 30! Obviously I can't be with her all the time, and it does worry me, but she handles it really well!
Just creepy that these blokes think it's ok!!

thiscouldbethehill Wed 15-Jan-20 09:50:26

I had a lot of that sort of thing between the ages of about 15-25. Not just out clubbing, in the street during the day, on public transport etc. It was by no means every time I left the house but it was a pretty common occurrence. Now I’m 36 and a mum of two and it still happens but very rarely. I think the reason was because I was very petite and slim but had quite big boobs. As a pretty geeky teenager it was upsetting and unsettling.

Herts6789 Wed 15-Jan-20 09:51:52

I think if you've never experienced it's difficult to imagine that it really happens.

But it really does! And I suppose depends on the area you are in. Where I used to work, I would walk to get lunch and 2 or 3 times a week I would get leered at by men in vans. And it's not an exaggeration because I remember thinking how bad it was there that it happened so often!

As for groping/physical touching I've never experienced it in the street, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

However why do men in crowded bars think they need to put their hand on the small of your back to get through? Just say excuse me like a normal person. angry

joystir59 Wed 15-Jan-20 09:53:03

Was a common every day experience for me from 13 to 50

JosefKeller Wed 15-Jan-20 09:53:17

YABU at all

ravenmum Wed 15-Jan-20 09:54:14

Depends on what this imaginary person that I don't recognise from real life means by "go out". If she means "have a night out in town" then sure, it's perfectly possible that she gets catcalled or groped every time she goes out dressed in her best.

PhilSwagielka Wed 15-Jan-20 09:56:08

I have a face like a slapped arse and I still get catcalled. I'll be walking down the street minding my own business and some twat on a bike will yell 'get your tits out' at me or whatever. When I walked into town when I was living in a village in Chester, I had to walk along a main road and people would always honk at me. I hated it.

PrtScn Wed 15-Jan-20 09:56:52

I used to have this occassionally in my twenties, but not for many years now. I don’t know if it’s because stuff like that is less acceptable now, or because I’m now “old”. In my twenties I just ignored it, but if it happened now I’d report it or give them a lecture/bollocking etc. They probably prey on the younger due to this lack of confidence as well actually.

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