catcalled and groped every time I go out

[DuploTower]

Aibu reasonable to be suspicious of women who claim to be catcalled and groped every time they go out?

Or am I just too old and unattractive to know what that's like and that it does happen.

I'm certainly not saying it never happens. And if someone finds it uncomfortable or intimidating it's not OK.

But every time you go out?

Is it a bit of a stealth brag?

They must be exaggerating.

Aibu?

To the person who said they have a ‘face like a slapped arse’ I’m sure you don’t but thank you for making me laugh with a grotty cold 😂. I used to get cat called aaaalll the time when I lived in cities, age 12-30, and it was horrible and intimidating. I used to fantasise about punching them. I’ve been groped at a festival and on a train, had groups of men follow me around, had a guy tell me he wanted to fuck me in front of his small boy, it’s disgusting and all about power and intimidation. People who say it’s a compliment make my blood boil.

Fucking hell, I'm shaking now, this has brought it all back. Please don't minimise this. I feel so sorry for the poor women who still endure this (and it is poorer people - if you have money you can move away).

fluff

I think it depends where you live. I saw a YouTube video that a woman and her friend made. I think he had a hidden camera in his back pack or something, and she walked about 10 steps behind him. The level of harassment is astonishing.

I’ve had no groping since I stopped going to nightclubs, but still have catcalling sometimes. Most recently was walking the dog looking like a bag of shit, and a man driving past wound his window down and shouted something gross. He then got stuck in a line of traffic so I gave him a mouthful of abuse while he wound his window up.

I once got catcalled by my own builders, actually scaffolders, and went fucking crazy. I wasn’t in when they set up, and then when the building work was done they had to come to remove. I’d just taken my kids to school and came back towards the house covered in scaffolders going up and also a few down the bottom. I stood for a few seconds on the other side of the street just looking across. As soon as one of them noticed me and started shouting out a load of sexist disgusting crap, they all joined in! I went absolutely ballistic, told them all to go, rang the company and got different people out. Then pursued a complaint afterwards. I was told they were all sacked, plus got a small amount of compensation as a goodwill gesture, but kind of doubtful about the sacking really. Fuck them!

True, saying that it is a stealth brag assumes that only sexy-looking women get catcalled, so complaining about catcalls is a sneaky way of telling everyone you're sexy-looking. But men used to catcall me with comments about my ugliness!

OP, catcalling and groping are a way of establishing dominance. My dog used to mount the cat for the same reason. That isn't a stealth brag about how sexy my cat is.

Sexual harassment is bragging now?

I think summer is worse for this behaviour. Once, a guy honked me before driving past me as I was walking in the same direction as the car was going. As it was a hot day, I was wearing a cami top and pencil skirt as I was on my break at work walking in the sun. I had a big belly as I was pregnant and was in my late thirties. When the young guy looked my way when he was driving past, he seemed shocked I wasnt the young girl he expected, but a grumpy, sweaty pregnant lady in her late thirties. 😂

I also know a very petite guy who had long hair who got groped a lot by men thinking he was a young girl. Unpleasant for him I know, but the guys who did it to show off in front of their mates, soon regretted it.

I did get this frequently when I was younger in the 90's and 00's, but definitely not now. I have never thought of myself as attractive either. I wish back in the day I had the gal to tell them to fuck off. Sadly, it was expected back in the day.

Some people are just attractive and striking and will always draw attention because they stand out. I do think it's a bit of a curse more than anything.

Twisted to think it’s a compliment wtf?! When I hear people say that I know immediately they are quite thick. If I typed some of the comments made to me as a young woman by random men you would be sickened. They aren’t compliments.

My older DD actually used to keep a spare old phone whilst at university because carloads of young and aggressive men would stop their car and practically force her to hand over her phone number. They'd ring it there and then so she couldn't give a false number. Sge says that in clubs in the city she lived in, they would grab her arm as she walked by, and not let go. And no, she doesn't dress provocatively, but in jeans, as if it mattered.

It's shocking actually, and makes me angry. How dare you deny it happens.

If you think being catcalled or groped is a stealth boast, there's something wrong with your thinking.

This.

A group of lads screamed ‘SLAG’ at the top of their lungs when I was running recently. I felt absolutely livid as they drove off as I jumped loads and my heart was pounding.

I haven't seen anyone claim it happens literally every time. It might be used as a shorthand / slight exaggeration for effect because it happens a lot?

I look back at my late teens and early 20s when I used to go drinking and dancing in city centre bars and clubs, and I can certainly remember the tedious regularity of having my arse groped while in the queue at the bar, or the time some group of wankers was playing 'tit cricket' or the persistent leches who wouldn't give up unless my friend and I claimed to be gay. There probably were some times when that didn't happen but looking back the prevailing memory is of it being an occupational hazard of going out so I might well say something like "it happened just about every time I went out". (And for the record I've never been Vogue model material, I was just young and female and dressed for clubbing, so it definitely is not a stealth boast. It was an absolute fucking pain, quite frankly.)

This was common for me too, until I hit 35. In London.
It’s disgusting, offensive and no way complimentary. If you’ve been groped on public transport and shouted repulsive remarks and you think it’s a compliment, then you need help.

And the classic “hey sexy can I have your number?” When they get rejected it changes to “fuck off you fat slag, I didn’t want to go out with you anyway.”

I was cancelled a lot from 13-24,

What is this ?

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

My DD13 gets comments/stares/whistles pretty much any time she's out.

I'm delighted that I can now pass on to her that it isn't something to get upset about and is, in fact, a compliment and she can brag about it to all her friends.

When I was younger I was catcalled a lot, mainly from men in cars whilst walking to the bus.

I used to have a poorly paid job and was groped a few times by older, highly paid men. Apparently bending over to pick things up means you want your arse smacked. I complained the first time but was told unofficially that the man was irreplaceable but I was not. If I had moved forward in said complaint I would have been forced out and I really needed the money.

So not an everyday occurrence but it happened regularly and I am average looking.

It never happened to me, although I've never been a nightclub type of person so maybe that's why. I don't consider a man putting his hand on the small of my back to get past a grope though so maybe that's why. People can't hear a thing in a club, so that's why they don't bother saying excuse me.

I did get catcalled a few times from building sites but that does seem to be a thing of the past now - probably a mix of age, and employers of builders being more enlightened.

The most recent was only a few years ago when I was out with my running club. I was helping out with a session and was standing alone and a group of lads made some sexually suggestive remarks. I was old enough to be their mother. I genuinely can't remember any other time it has happened other than the odd silly remark from white van man when I've been running but even that is maybe twice in the ten years I've been running and I didn't hear what they said on one of the occasions so they might have even been shouting encouragement .

Dodge a group of men in a van shouted “slag” at my 70 year old mother in her naice village recently!

Love the story about the girl harassed by scaffolders who quietly went over and removed their ladder. Do hope that’s true

I think it depends very much where you live and what times you are out. I would be cat called every time I was out in the evening alone in my small home town. But never through the day when there were other people around who would police it. That's not in any way a stealth brag they did it to every teenage girl.

I definitely didn't experience it as a teenager in the normal run of things like walking to school. Ever. Where on earth do you all live that this is normal for a 13 year old? It's shocking.

We moved to a small town with a busy 3-road junction when I was 33 and still looked ok whether I made much effort or not. There is no crossing, just an island. We lived there for 13 years and gradually the traffic got busier and busier. I started to think that we needed to start a bypass campaign because it was becoming impossible to cross the road. Then I realised that if I was out with teenage DD cars (& especially vans) slowed and waved us across. It finally dawned on me that the traffic hasn’t materially worsened. I just don’t actually stop traffic any more. Sometimes we barely notice this shit, but it’s everywhere.
Recently younger DD13 came home from school confused as to why a car full of men had honked the horn and shouted at her. She’s young for her years and at a girls’ school and was genuinely bewildered by it. I cannot tell you how young she looks in her uniform. It is disgusting to think that men leer at children in this way. She honestly does not look like a young woman, she looks like a child.

Love the story about the girl harassed by scaffolders who quietly went over and removed their ladder. Do hope that’s true Yes!