catcalled and groped every time I go out

[DuploTower]

Aibu reasonable to be suspicious of women who claim to be catcalled and groped every time they go out?

Or am I just too old and unattractive to know what that's like and that it does happen.

I'm certainly not saying it never happens. And if someone finds it uncomfortable or intimidating it's not OK.

But every time you go out?

Is it a bit of a stealth brag?

They must be exaggerating.

Aibu?

Depends where you’re going out I guess?

Well in my DD's case: travelling to school, walking around a shopping centre etc etc. Ranging from pretty explicit abuse to "y'alright darlin', come here"

In my thirties now, and it's been a good few years since catcalls in the street, think that was mainly late teens/early twenties (and ahem, about three stone ago).

However, I had my boob gabbed in bruge by a waiter, mid meal last year. Merrily sat there eating my dinner and he just shoved his hand into my jacket and grabbed me. Was there with a female friend, and have to say I was gobsmacked. So blatant, and unashamed. Not sure if that plan has worked for him in the past, or he was just in it for the grab.

Am usually very confident, and was surprised by my reaction. I would have always imagined that I would have been first one up on my feet planting my lasagne on his head, but actually was shocked into a statue.

I was heartened by the reaction of the men eating on tables around us though, a couple of British guys and a French man who was with his partner jumped up and shouted at him, and then checked I was ok.

Nice to think that not every bloke is a complete prick. Still wish I'd launched my lasagne though.

Vocals don't start til 40 seconds in, but this captures the rage & bewilderment of the female experience ...

I saw Frank Skinner being interviewed the other day and he said he saw a woman struggling to close her case in an airport and he didn't offer to help her as it's too risky.

Then he's a fool. What a stupid thing to think.

It happens to me with less frequency now but between the ages of say 12/13 - 30 I was catcalled incredibly frequently - in the nineties (I was a teenager), yes probably once a day. Especially when I was waiting for the bus in my school uniform.

I used to get it when I was walking my DC in their pram too.

This was a mixture of Irish rural/small town living and for the last 18 years, living in 3 of the biggest cities in the U.K.

Stealth brag my arse.

I saw Frank Skinner being interviewed the other day and he said he saw a woman struggling to close her case in an airport and he didn't offer to help her as it's too risky

Oh yeah Poor Old Frank with all these 'risky' women around demanding respect and personal safety

I HATE this idea that somehow decent men are getting blamed for nothing- most men manage to go about their lives not being creepy or weird just do that, you cretin.

Especially when I was waiting for the bus in my school uniform

THIS

Yes you are being unreasonable to dismiss women saying they experience harassment as boasting

I don't expect people will answer, but I'd love to know the areas people live where they say they don't get cat-called. It would genuinely be a factor in deciding where I might move to next.

I'm mid twenties and it happens fairly regularly for me

Not every time I go out, but maybe 60/70% of the time I'm out alone? Or with female friends. Normally groups of men or men in cars/vans. Vans that slowly pull up beside you etc. It's horribly intimidating, I try not to let then intimidate me but at the same time a van full of men pulling up beside you and shouting vile shit at you is always scary!

It actually happened recently when out with my dad and grandma! A group of men calling after me and shouting things. Couldn't even speedwalk away because I was with an 80yr old woman!

I don't get groped day to day but when I go out I do. I just sort of expect someone to grab my arse or whatever. I can't remember a night out it hasn't.

I would say I get low level innapropriate comments on a daily basis, like "hey sexy" type stuff.

I think part of it is because I look young, it definitely peaked when I was about 18, and I know I looked about 15 at the time.

It's not a brag. It's nothing to do with being attractive and everything to do with intimidation

I get groped a lot on the tube or tube escalators or if the carriages are not so busy then men say disgusting things to me. Like, very frequently.

Same with catcalling.

It's got nothing to do with the women, OP, and whether or not they are attractive, etc. It's because some men are vile and think this is OK.

You should look up the Everyday Sexism Project, as well as reading the book by Laura Bates if you don’t think this happens everyday. Reading some of the entries was an eye opener even though I have had things happen to me.

This happened to me constantly in my 20s.

Being middle aged, fat and invisible is fantastic. So liberating.

I was on a train in my 20s and accidentally bumped into a man with my bag when going to the buffet car. I apologised and he started calling me a stupid, fucking bitch and said I should be raped. Other men just watched this happen.

The customer service host at the buffet intervened and the train manager asked BTP to meet the train at the next station. He was very kind and put me in first class as I was crying.

Not "every time" had it occasionally in my teens and 20's and had my arse slapped (really bloody hard) last year by a guy who looked about 17! It always makes me feel embarrassed and awkward to be thought about like that by strangers. People I don't WANT to think about me like that because it's not reciprocated and I'm not inviting it.

I never understand girls/women who enjoy this kind of pervy attention.

I used to get it all the time when I ran a lot - I'd say 2 out of 3 runs some cunt would yell something at me.

And if someone finds it uncomfortable or intimidating it's not OK.

That would be all of it, OP. I don't know what honeyed compliments you're imagining when people describe their experiences, but they're telling you about uncomfortable or intimidating incidents.

@PlomBear Jesus that made me feel sick reading that!! so glad the train staff dealt with it appropriately.

I can believe it happens.
A few years ago I signed up for a half marathon but eventually had to give up training as the combination of being a slightly wobbly size 14-16 with H cup boobs and long blonde ponytail apparently made it IMPOSSIBLE for some men not to yell comments at me. Every. Single. Run.
I tried getting up at 5am so I could run in the dark but that was unsustainable so in the end I quit, sadly.

When I was younger I was groped a fair amount(more the chest area) but the last year I have had people randomly rub/smell my hair. I think that nearly freaks me out more. And I swear my hair is nothing amazing!! I have actually cut a few inches off it recently because of it.

Aibu reasonable to be suspicious of women who claim to be catcalled and groped
YABU for your "suspicion", & for sailing blissfully past everything that was meant to be instructive about #MeToo without picking up a single shred of insight.

& YABU for your twisted, male-centric 'logic' with this:
if someone finds it uncomfortable or intimidating it's not OK.

• which illustrates that your core expectation that that catcalling is generally NOT an uncomfortable or intimidating experience & seems to somehow posit that catcalling is somehow OK if only these pesky women wouldn't be so inconveniently discomforted or intimidated.

When you say "if", OP, you are demonstrating ignorance of the entire reason that men catcall. It's not a compliment. It's nothing to boast about - stealth or otherwise.
It is to discomfort, to intimidate, to claim ownership of women's bodies, to declare their toxic masculinity to other toxic males, to frighten women by owning & restricting their right to freely enjoy public space, to inform women that they are merely objects for males to enjoy & not equal citizens with their own agency.

There is no "if".
And it doesn't have to happen every day, & no - there is no kudos in having it happen to you. Ever.

but I'd love to know the areas people live where they say they don't get cat-called.

Can't say it never happens to women here but seems way less prevelant than part of midlands I've lived in and my experiences in London- but we're in a bit of South Wales and I'd not be confident about Cardiff - not really been there much.

When I was young (starting from about age 11, and gross as that is) I got cat called a lot. Then again, I developed quite early so looked older than I was, and I always lived in very tough areas until my early twenties. So I think it was a combination of the area's I lived in and also the simple fact that it was so much more common when I was young. I don't think it's as common now as it's become so socially unacceptable. It was considered a normal part of life when I was a teenager - young women get catcalled, what can you do, eh?

I can't remember the last time I got cat called. I'm too fucking old and saggy for anyone to bother now, it's great

I had it regularly - not every day but enough for me to expect it - from about 14-24. I'm now in my late 30s and men don't even look at me most of the time anymore, it's a blessed relief.

I used to pretend I hadn't noticed or heard, just walked past and looked the other way. I wish I could go back now and tell them to fuck off.

Jeeze @BlackAmericanoNoSugar - these arseholes don't just feel themselves entitled to the woman's attention on demand, they are angrily demanding that she shows "gratitude" for being harrassed. Fucksake.