catcalled and groped every time I go out

[DuploTower]

Aibu reasonable to be suspicious of women who claim to be catcalled and groped every time they go out?

Or am I just too old and unattractive to know what that's like and that it does happen.

I'm certainly not saying it never happens. And if someone finds it uncomfortable or intimidating it's not OK.

But every time you go out?

Is it a bit of a stealth brag?

They must be exaggerating.

Aibu?

It happens to me a lot and I'm a slightly overweight mother of two who is nothing that special in the looks department.

I wouldn't consider it something to brag about. It makes people feel awful and scared, intimidated and gross.

Yabu purely for thinking women talking about their experiences of unwanted sexual attention is bragging

When I was 15/16 and in France a couple of guys were driving their car round in circles around the small square I was sitting in. I was totally unaware. A guy saw them and told me he was concerned about me being kidnapped.

I think often we are totally unaware. So maybe things have happened that you didn’t see or hear if you were in your own world. And you just haven’t been groped, which makes you fortunate. Some women have been raped more than once and some never. It is what it is, sadly.

I used to get this, why would someone brag about it?
Doesn't happen to me any more but it was infuriating.
Yabu to not believe it or to doubt it just because it's not been your experience.

I was catcalled a lot from about 13 to 30, and groped in pubs and clubs (and sometimes on buses and trains and the tube), and sometimes followed on the street. It wasn't EVERYTIME I went out, but it happened a lot. And frankly it was very scary a lot of the time, especially being followed... or when one weirdo used to try to grope me when he walked past me at the bus stop every morning on the way to school when I was 13. Or when I got flashed by dirty old men from being about 12 or 13 upwards... God, some men are gross.

There is so much wrong with this post. It's not bragging, women are not lying to get some kind of attention, its not ok to be suspicious of women speaking out.

And this I like to think we've made a lot of progress since the MeToo movement is the best joke I've seen on MN so far today.

Bragging? Really?

You have no idea do you.

I'm old fat and ugly and I still get this crap. I've been asked for my phone number at work twice and had some twat openly stare at my chest all in the past week.

It may not happen every day but it used to happen alot when I was younger. One town I lived in I got followed about nearly every time I went out.

I avoided getting taxis for years due to the number of personal questions I was asked.

I still get the odd comment yelled out car/van windows. I wear headphones these days and keep my head down when I walk home at night.

If you think its a stealth boast you have lost your mind. It makes you feel like crap.

I've even had an old man look my dd then 11 up.and down then smirk. Right in front of me.

I've been regularly groped in nightclubs by randy drunk men. I'd say probably most times I've been on a night out. I used to get men regularly asking for my number and giving me attention on the street, but after having kids it happens a lot less often.

The only people I've met who think catcalling is a compliment are men. When they're doing that infuriating "Devil's advocate" crap.

YABU for giving your post this title, as it has fuck all to do with the point you make.

Which is shite point.

"A" shite point.

Well I am middle aged and average looking and I can honestly say it has never happened to me, maybe the area I live, or that I somehow give off scary signals. Whichever, I am very lucky.

Once though at work a man came up to the window and flashed at us in the office (about 20 people mostly women). One of the older ones shouted at him "OMG I have seen bigger slugs that that. Piss off!" Great response!

Every time I go anywhere with my attractive 20 something sister in law she gets stared at, whistled at and chatted up by men old enough to be her father. Just on public transport, not clubs or bars.

It used to happen to me all the time between the ages of about 14-18

Not so much now

If you think being catcalled or groped is a stealth boast, there's something wrong with your thinking.

This ^

I think teenage girls get an awful lot of it that they are not old enough to know what it is or exactly how inappropriate it is.
I have witnessed this for myself when taking trips- the amount of men who comment to or about them, or shout from cars, or touch them. It's not always groping as such - think old men holding their arms and leaning too close, middle aged men moving them aside by the waist or hips. Teenage girls are treated more like property to be touched and moved than teenage boys. I have often been in a position where it is not immediately obvious that they are a large school party with a teacher (think Foreign trip , no uniform, small groups etc) and the 'public ownership' of young women by some men is shocking. My worst situation was a man who put his hand up a girls skirt (she was 15) and attempted to assault her (London Street) and a middle aged man in a service station who talked to and then mimicked oral sex to a different girl with his tongue through his fingers.

Happened to me lots between 15-25. At work, on the train, passing building sites, on holiday - all the cliches. Definitely not a stealth brag. I still get nervous getting into taxis, walking past workmen etc even though it probably wouldn't happen now - and I feel ridiculous saying that as a grown woman!

It very much depends on where you live.

It was quite rare in the medium-sized town where I grew up.

Then from the ages of 18 to 33 I lived in the not-posh parts of Birmingham, and yes it was a daily occurrence. I was physically attacked once or twice a year, but on a daily basis I was followed and pestered and insulted. I also got cat-calls from the distance but they are less bothersome. What I really hated was when they were physically next to me, following me and ignoring my requests to leave me alone.

The only way to get them to fuck off was to get angry and shout, then they would back off. Obviously it was psychologically exhausting having to do that. After a few years I was no longer angry, just weary, but I had to pretend to be angry and every time I went out I had to be ready to do that.

In nice weather it could easily happen a dozen times a day. Nice weather brings them out.

I wasn't unusually beautiful and it wasn't my clothes as I got it during the day when I was dressed in my office clothes (calf length skirts, sensible top).

This was during the 80s and 90s so it was not on the news. It happened to my friends but was not discussed in the media and it felt like we were in some weird bubble. I was quite traumatised by it.

I don't think it was about getting a girlfriend - more about putting women in their place. I went back once a few years ago, overweight and in my 40s, and was still pestered.

When I got married I insisted we moved away so my children did not have to endure that. It was actually my biggest problem in my life back then. Now I am back in the medium sized town - I can see how if you have only lived in places where street harassment is rare, you might think people are making it up.

I think it depends how old you are and where you live.

I got catcalled at a bus stop in the suburbs of Budapest. Nearly died of shock as it hadn't happened to me for 30 years.

Is it a bit of a stealth brag?

What? Do you think women enjoy the attention? Are you a man?

I didn't feel comfortable enough to go out in public wearing a vest t-shirt until I was in my 20s because of lecherous men catcalling me all the time. It was normally white van drivers rather than construction workers.

The worst thing to me is how shameless the men are- they do it with confidence - until they realise a middle aged woman is watching them - they really think the teenage girls are theirs for the playing with

@iswhois Me too. It happened LOADS from maybe 13-18 by much older men. So disgusting and peadophillic. I shouted at a few and told them as much but they just laughed it off and I was more scared/intimidated than angry. Why do men feel the need to sexually harrass children and make them feel so violated/intimidated/scared. I certainly didn't look old for my age so they definitely knew I was a child.

It's so horrible but hasn't happened to me for a few years and I think the world is making progress, as a PP said. Hopefully, young girls now don't get secually harrasssed as much. (Ideally not at all! But I sadly don't have much hope for that).

It used to happen to me in my teens and 20s, often, but certainly not daily!!

My DD (22) is the same now, and comes home from work raging, usually about her walk home.

My older DD used to get chatted up even by door to door sellers, and at one stage could not walk down the road without carloads of lads whistling, even when with me. Young women have it really tough with this sort of thing, and just because we older women don't, it doesn't mean we should deny it happens.

I'm average looking and don't have this problem but I do have 2 exceptionally beautiful friends with great figures. I've noticed that if I go out with either of them they always, without fail, get attention from men. It's often someone beeping their horn, a bit of flirting in a shop, someone's says something as they walk past etc. I was walking to the shop with my friend one afternoon recently and a man stopped to let us past (even though the pavement was wide enough for about 10 people so no need for him to stop). As we went past he said "I only stop for beautiful girls". This never happens when it's just me but it's been amazing to see how different things are for my 2 friends.

Are you seriously equating sexual harassment and bragging?