To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

(319 Posts)
Zebby25 Mon 08-Apr-19 09:52:16

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else. shock
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f***ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

OP’s posts: |
BloodsportForAll Mon 08-Apr-19 09:55:53

I don't think that's inconsiderate at all.
Her size is not your problem. You've put in a lot of work to reduce your size (well done) and it's YOUR birthday for crying out loud.

Mammyloveswine Mon 08-Apr-19 09:57:59

I wouldn't wear it... id choose a bodycon dress that showed off every inch of my body just to really rub it in.

Cheeky bitch

EmrysAtticus Mon 08-Apr-19 09:58:15

Of course you can wear whatever you like! Surely any clothes will make you look slim as you are slim so not sure that anything you wear will make SIL feel better!

ExplodingCarrots Mon 08-Apr-19 09:59:17

WEAR THE SKIRT. And put a middle finger up to everyone else. Don't be made to feel guilty for all your hard work. This is SIL's issue. She shouldn't be allowed to dictate what you wear just because she's jealous. Your DH is BU too pandering to her. When / if she loses her weight I bet she wouldn't think twice of buying a nice skirt .

Have a lovely birthday OP thanks

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Mon 08-Apr-19 09:59:18

I'd go shopping again without her and get something I love just as much... that way she can't veto it, and you can say you did as she asked, to be nice....

Readytogogogo Mon 08-Apr-19 09:59:22

You done so well, congratulations! Wear whatever you like on your birthday. I can understand why she feels insecure, but that's her issue.


loveskaka Mon 08-Apr-19 09:59:23

Hell no!!!! That is totally out of order! Both ur friend and ur husband! Ur man should be proud of you and happy ur feeling good About urself now! She is not being a very nice friend either, what? So she will only go out with u with she feels as crap as she feels?! Me personally would say i am wearing what I like and if u dnt want to go out then fine. But it's u that has the problem!

December2018 Mon 08-Apr-19 09:59:34

You wear that skirt girl!!! You have more than earned the right to wear whatever you damn want! If she feels uncomfortable all night then that might give her the push to do something about her weight because she's clearly not happy with the way she looks, she sounds like she's gotten herself into a bit of a rut, I'm an emotional eater specially when I'm stressed out, I'm a size 14-16 depending on where I shop and I have very skinny friends and I wouldn't dare ask them not to wear an item of clothing because I felt bad about myself

OllyBJolly Mon 08-Apr-19 10:00:26

Well done on the weight loss - that's some achievement. flowers

Wear what you want!

countchuckula Mon 08-Apr-19 10:00:41

Ignore her and wear what you want. You've worked bloody hard for this.

She was probably comfortable with the status quo before and now feels she is being shown up or something, but her issues are her problem. She can either lose weight herself or accept that you are now slimmer than her and like dressing-up a bit.

It's like when I packed in binge-drinking. Much eye-rolling and catty comments from "friends". Yet I was the same person I'd always been - just not pissed. Needless to say, we grew apart as friends...

Babdoc Mon 08-Apr-19 10:01:11

Wear your skirt with pride and have a fab birthday! You have more then earned the right to celebrate your new healthy body.
Ignore the sour grapes from SIL. Maybe this will at last motivate her to improve her own health.
Does she go out equipped with large sacks to put over any slim women she finds upsetting in the street?

CoraPirbright Mon 08-Apr-19 10:01:12

First of all - bloody well done!! That is a huge achievement and, I am sure, a colossal amount of really, really difficult and hard work. You are to be admired and congratulated for your determination and dedication.

Second of all, its not your fault if your SIL doesnt have that same will power! Wear what you damn well want and celebrate your birthday without the jealous cow!!

December2018 Mon 08-Apr-19 10:01:48

And maybe your DH doesn't want you wearing the skirt because he's afraid other men will be looking at that sexy bod you've worked so hard to achieve!

CandyCreeper Mon 08-Apr-19 10:02:01

Yanbu! ive had 4 children and gained about the same as you. Ive lost half of it and already I feel good, cant wait to lose the rest and get back into nice clothes, so I know the feeling. You have worked hard, its not your problem she didnt do the same. She sounds jealous.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth Mon 08-Apr-19 10:02:38

OP very very well done to you. I lost 2 stones on ww and mfp and it really wasn't easy. Of course you should wear what you like whenever you like but especially on your birthday. I'm surprised your dh asked you to wear something else tbh. It's your celebration. How fucking dare she (sil) complain because you'll look too good. Where will this end?? Will you have to change outfits every time you meet them? Utter nonsense

CanaryFish Mon 08-Apr-19 10:03:13

Wear the skirt and find better people to go out with ;)
DH and the in-laws can go somewhere else.
Honestly while I feel bad for your SIL it seems like your DH doesn’t have your back here or understand/appreciate how hard you’ve worked. He’s getting grief from his brother - who should really be focusing on supporting his own wife- and the simplest way of dealing with it is to change your behavior instead of staying out of it.

IDrinkAndISewThings Mon 08-Apr-19 10:03:46

I agree with @EmrysAtticus, short of you wearing a potato costume you will inevitably look thinner than someone who is not a size 8-10.
SIL could have mentioned something to you herself at point of buying the skirt but obviously knew that'd be unreasonable. I doubt she asked her husband to speak to yours and would undoubtedly be embarrassed if she found out he did.
I'm the biggest of all my friends, and would indeed feel like a bit of a lump beside you, but would never dictate any of my friends 'frump up' to assuage my hang ups.
Wear the skirt, enjoy how you feel in it, you've earned it, and wear it with good grace as I'm sure you will, knowing how it feels to be the larger lady.

Butterymuffin Mon 08-Apr-19 10:04:29

I would be cross my DH didn't have my back over this. I'm overweight and have quite a few friends who have successfully slimmed down via SW and other things. Do I tell them what they can wear when we go out? Of course not.. why would anyone think they have the right to do that?

ILoveMaxiBondi Mon 08-Apr-19 10:07:01

Well done you OP!

Definitely wear the skirt! It sounds really nice.

Btw what did she buy on the shopping trip if she thinks she looks like a potato in it? confused

ForeverFaithless Mon 08-Apr-19 10:07:13

Well done for getting yourself back to being fit and healthy.

Wear whatever you feel like, you are not a bitch.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou Mon 08-Apr-19 10:07:34

Way to go OP you’ve worked very hard and now you should definitely wear whatever you want.

I agree with PPs ...maybe ditch the skirt and find something that will sow your body off even more! “But you told me not to wear the skirt so I’m not”.....

CallipygianFancier Mon 08-Apr-19 10:07:54

Your husband sounds quite weak here. He should have told his brother to sod off, frankly!
Well done on getting your weight down, and I understand exactly where you're coming from with this.
If anyone moans further about it regarding your sister in law, explain to them it's quite simple - you are not upsetting her, she is getting herself upset, and it's for her to deal with.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Mon 08-Apr-19 10:09:11

You're not unreasonable to want to wear the skirt (although I do t think it sounds very nice). You do sound bitchy in the way you speak about her though. It seems that you've got a very short memory and you've forgotten that you were very overweight not too long ago!! So your dismissive attitude to her weight struggles come across a bit... Mean.

Is it possible the skirt just really isn't appropriate / doesn't look as good as you think it does and they're trying to tell you not to wear it in a nice way without knocking your new found abundance of confidence?

Treaclepie19 Mon 08-Apr-19 10:10:31

You've worked bloody hard, well done!
Leave them to it.

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