To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

[Zebby25]

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else.
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

@Zebby25

Your SIL is not being unreasonable to be pissed off and jealous of your weight loss and how good you look now. She IS being unreasonable to make you feel bad about your achievement!

Wear what you like, happy birthday, and well done on your weight loss!

Wear the skirt.

Do you a link/photo of it?

I might be tempted to tell your DH you've decided not to wear the skirt this time if your SIL is feeling self-conscious. And to tell him you'll be socialising a lot less with DBIL and DSIL in future because you won't want to have DSIL feel self-conscious again and your're feeling uncomfortable with having your clothes choices scrutinised and controlled by other people so the next ten times you go out, it will be as one couple.

Absolutely wear the skirt! Well done!! I need to lose weight too but that’s my problem, no one else’s. Your DH is being a dick telling you not to wear it.

You make sure you wear that skirt girl and enjoy every minute of it. Unbelievably UR of your SIL!!! Who's birthday is it?!!!!

WEAR THE SKIRT, WITH BELLS ON (not literally bells of course, although, hmm......)

Of course you should wear the skirt. Your SIL and your DH ABU.
But you do sound a bit bitchy and sanctimonious. I have lost a similar amount of weight to you and know that it's really hard work, but people like us have a tendency to go on about it a bit and evangelise. I remember when I was fat and people would try to be helpful by telling e about WW or their amazing exercise routine- it made me feel like shit.

SIL sounds very manipulative, and both DH's are dancing to her tune.

That needs to stop. I love the body con dress idea - tell your DH he has choices -

1. Stop getting involved in this silliness and ignore it and be proud of you.
2. Buy you a fab dress instead (equally flattering) so you can save the skirt for another time where you can wear it without hassle.

In all seriousness, if SIL is allowed to dictate what you wear on your birthday what's going to be next???? Will she be able to dictate what you wear every time you meet up? Will she have succeeded in making everyone walk on egg shells around her that you wear baggy clothes to make her feel better?.

I'd beat my bottom dollar that this isn't her first round of manipulation, probably the first that's really got your goat.

Wear the skirt. Don’t be drawn in to any discussion of what you’re wearing beforehand, you’re not teenagers. It’s unreasonable of your husband to expect you to wear it next time!

I have a lot of empathy for your SIL, as I’ve been there with feeling frumpy. I felt utterly rubbish around people with great figures and stylish clothes and it made me not want to go anywhere. But, I also know how you feel, when you’ve worked hard and not eaten things you really want to eat you should be allowed to feel proud.

I admire your self controI, Brilliant, a million congratulations.
But......
If you want to enjoy this rare evening out, wear something else.
& say to her, that she should be proud & happy for you, & you will NEVER ever dress down to make her feel better again.

Very well done 👍

As for SIL she can fuck off!
Wear that skirt!
Might give her some incentive to loose her weight, How dare any of them dictate too you, what you should bloody wear for YOUR BIRTHDAY!
In my opinion, tell her you are wearing it! And she doesn't want to come, then don't!
She sounds terribly jealous and spiteful, she should be very happy for you to wear it with confidence, especially after all your hard work.

WEAR THAT SKIRT!!
WEAR THAT SKIRT!!
WEAR THAT SKIRT!!

I can't imagine pissing on someone else's birthday and happiness at their achievement. She's being incredibly selfish. I can see how she's upset, but that's something she needs to work on. Totally outrageous to try and control your choice of clothes!

It is sad to realise that not everyone is happy for us when we achieve our goals.

It's YOUR birthday, you get to enjoy it.

You've worked hard and want to enjoy the results of that hard work.

It's your 30th birthday, not just any old birthday, so a milestone to celebrate. A time to reflect on how far you have come. Which includes 3 great DCs and a loving DH. But also to celebrate what YOU have achieved by your own efforts and what YOU stand for as a person - not just a DW and DM.

Wear the skirt, or DH buys you an outfit that shows off the results of your hard work even better.

Wear the skirt. Wear anything you want.

And take note about what this has taught you about SIL... don’t do clothes shopping with her, don’t talk diet, fitness, weight, don’t try to help... given her behaviour I’d leave her to wallow in her current situation. She is extremely rude!

Why are 3 adults discussing your clothes choice and all three decide what you wear?

You don’t need new clothes, you need new friends

Is it possible the skirt just really isn't appropriate / doesn't look as good as you think it does and they're trying to tell you not to wear it in a nice way without knocking your new found abundance of confidence?

Oh FFS. She's going out to have fun, not accepting an OBE. Whether it looks 'appropriate' or 'good enough' to someone else is none of their fucking business.

Wear the skirt. It's your body and your clothes, and letting someone else control what you wear especially with such pass-ag family bullshit a) means it'll happen again b) is total rubbish which should be vigorously resisted.

She's a silly bitch.

But obviously when her DH spoke to yours, he ought to have suggested that she speak to you herself. Why are men speaking for and about two grown women?

And: 'DH has told me I really ought to wear something else.' You have the MN classic, a DH problem.

Your SIL is totally BU she is trying to control you to feel better about herself - your DH as well for not supporting you!

Wear the skirt if you want. or tell "D"H that you need some money for another outfit as you won't go in old baggy clothes

I would cancel the outing, or go with someone else, before I caved to this ridiculous pressure, because I would not want to set the precedent that my clothes were anyone else's business or that I was the one in the family whose feelings were not important. After all, you now feel hurt, dismissed, and annoyed, do you not? Why are those feelings less important than SIL's (ridiculous) feelings that you shouldn't wear the skirt?

Obviously, you won't be the bigger person, but you can be the better person!

What a bitchy thing to say.

Wear what you like, no on else has to like your outfit, but if you like it you will feel more confident. I usually disliked my partners going out outfits (which he knew), but I would never have discouraged him from wearing them.

I could have written your post, OP. The amount of work I put in — and still do — to reduce my weight by 6 stones and move from a size 20 to a size 8 was massive.

And there's no way that I'm planning my outfits around someone else's insecurities. FFS, if I did that, I'd never get to feel good My intention is absolutely not to make someone else 'feel like a potato' — and I'm sure you're the same.

Rock your outfit. Enjoy your day. You're amazing

Your DH, BIL and especially SIL are being completely unfair and controlling. And your SIL seems to have zero will-power too.

But...if your DH and BIL are best friends then you must see quite a lot of this couple, so I'm wondering if it's worth falling out with them over this.

It sounds like you probably look good in most things, so IMO I would save the skirt for now and use this as an excuse to buy an alternative that still shows off your figure, but is more feminine than super sexy. In that way they can't complain, but you'll still look lovely.

Hope you have a lovely evening (and well done)!