To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

[Zebby25]

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else.
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

I’m assuming that you and SIL get on well usually considering you socialise a lot together, go on shopping trips and have offered to take her to the gym with you. She obviously feels comfortable enough to raise this issue (personally I’d rather die of shame before I’d ask someone not to wear their chosen outfit on their birthday) regardless she is being highly unreasonable to not only raise it as an issue but also threaten her absence if you insist on wearing it. Her DH and your DH are both incredibly unreasonable for not telling her so and making it your problem instead of telling her it’s her problem.

I agree with others you should wear the skirt however myself I wouldn’t wear it and only because I would no longer feel comfortable wearing it after what has gone on. I also imagine either way no matter what you wear things will be uncomfortable with SIL.

I’d be angry very angry and I’m not unsympathetic to your SIL but she has essentially ruined your birthday evening before you’ve even had chance to go on it. Because your damned if you do - dammed if you don’t.

Wear the skirt - you’ll feel uncomfortable (or at least I would) she will either throw a strop or have a face on.

Don’t wear the skirt - she wins you’ve given in to her childish tantrum and to boot your probably wondering if she still has a problem with what your wearing as I’m sure you’ll still want to dress up nice for YOUR birthday.

Having thought of it like that I think I might make alternative plans so I could wear my skirt and enjoy MY birthday.

Very well done on losing the weight. You ANBU but, contrary to PPs who have said to go ahead and wear your new skirt, I would suggest you do wear something less likely to emphasise the massive difference between the two of you. I would ask DH to arrange a special date night for the two of you to wear your leather-look skirt.

I know you should be able to wear what you want but it would be kind not to on this occasion as your SIL is obviously suffering. Then maybe her DH can try and encourage and support her to lose weight.

People are often jealous when others Lose weight, especially when they are big themselves. She is obviously feeling totally crap about herself and you could help her feel better on just this one occasion.

I know exactly where you're coming from OP. Wear the skirt!

I've lost 8.5 stone and counting, a 'friend' said to me that it's not fair that I'm not the fat friend anymore and that she sticks out like a sore thumb as she's the biggest. She suggested that I shouldn't go out with them anymore as I'd likely gain all the weight back. Fuck her and fuck your SIL

I would wear the skirt every day i saw her. Cheeky twat. But i would be more pissed off at my dh for not seeing how utterly mental it is.

I would be obstinate, find something equally flattering and gorgeous to wear and wear it without telling any of them beforehand. That way my response would be “well you didn’t want me to wear that skirt....”
Seriously though you should be proud of yourself and wear whatever the hell you want!

How will she know you're wearing it? Is DH going to text his brother once you're ready on the night?
Tell them to fuck off, if she feels bad about her weight she can do something about it.

WEAR THE SKIRT!

Oh and bloody well done on the weight loss.

I agree with bag lady. She’s probably had a moan at dh and he’s now in shiny knight mode. I doubt she meant for him to say anything.

I'm fat.
My friend isn't.
We dress how makes us happy.
End of.

It's YOUR birthday. If it was her birthday I would feel a bit more sympathetic. But you worked hard and you deserve this. Don't let her detract from your achievement

I think you are coming off as a preachy and nasty (ish) due to the very very very longwinded description of all your pious weightloss journey and your description of your SIL's life choices.

I don't think it would be bitchy to wear whatever you want for your birthday.

I think the reality is that your eating choices, lifestyle choices and clothes choices are going to highlight very starkly against your SILs different choices (right now)......so mayby just calm it all down a bit, wear what you like, think what you like and don't life in an endless compare and contrast with someone else.

If she is doing the comparing and contrasting maybe just tell her it isn't healthy and it'll make things awkward between you both.

@PutyourtoponTrevor
I've lost 8.5 stone and counting, a 'friend' said to me that it's not fair that I'm not the fat friend anymore and that she sticks out like a sore thumb as she's the biggest.
Well done! You lost the weight of a whole person (me when I was I was in my 20's!!) 😁. I'm guessing you don't see anything more of that jealous "friend"?

OP already said she offered to go with SIL to the gym, turned down for various reasons. Why should she pander to someone who isn't actively trying?! If SIL was making an effort then maybe it would be a kindness but she's got to realise that she can't dictate what other people wear just cos she hasn't gotten round to doing something about her own weight.

I would wear the skirt but I'd uninvited SIL and BIL from the evening and I'd be tempted to uninvited DH too for being such a knob that he thinks he can discuss YOUR choice of outfit and ask you to change it when it's YOUR birthday and you have put in the effort to feel good about yourself.

By the way, we'll done!

Wear it, nip this in bud.
Congratulations on your transformation. You worked really hard.
I often mention my DSIS as she had a huge weight loss, her DH is a changed man since, not for the better, he is a jealous bastard, he wants to know everything, she looks great but has been so unhappy, I wish she'd lose another 11 stone and kick him out.

I really, really hate the term "showoff". It's usually used by jealous people to put the objects of their jealousy down.

Yes, you want to "flaunt your body" (as the Daily Heil would put it). AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

Go ahead and wear your mini skirt. And if your husband doesn't like it, you should rethink whether you really want to be with a man who isn't proud of you and doesn't stick up for you.

Women's bodies and clothes choices are not public property and not up for committee debate.

Wear the most fitted flattering dress you have! Sod the skirt! Show off your hard work you absolutely deserve to!

I'd find someone else to celebrate my birthday with. I'd not want to go with someone who couldn't celebrate my achievements without making it all about them.

The trouble is, I can't imagine you feeling relaxed and good about yourself if you do wear it after all this (ridiculous) fuss from the others.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and remind him of what you have done in the last two years to get to this stage. He was there! Remind him of all your work and sacrifices. Chat for longer about it all with him. And remind him - it is your birthday!

HOpefully he will then get on side with you and you can say to his brother and SIL, your choice, come and celebrate or we go out just the two of us. Win win.

Wear it! Even if it wasn't your birthday then l would say wear it. You are a grown woman and can make your choices. Are you meant to get pre-approval on an alternative outfit?! Like other people have said the status quo has been upset. But that's not your problem. Your SIL could lose weight but she has chosen not to. It's not your fault she is jealous. Well done on the weight loss

I wonder was your DSIL just mouthing off her insecurities to her DH not expecting him to actually go and say it to your DH? That I could understand, maybe she would be mortified to know that you've been asked to wear something else. Any other explanation just sounds ludicrous to me. First of all it's supposed to be "your" night but now you've been told to wear something that makes you look less attractive and secondly it's not healthy or realistic or helpful for your DSIL to expect everyone around her to edit themselves so she doesn't feel bad about her weight.

I think you should actually speak to her about it though just incase the story isn't exactly that she told her Dh to tell your Dh to tell you not to wear it

Wear the skirt, and you're not coming across as bitchy or sanctimonious in the slightest.
You have done the hard work and made the sacrifices of not eating whatever you fancy, the consequences of that are that you are now slim and toned, and are confident enough to wear more revealing clothes. Your SIL chose not to do the hard work or modify her diet, and the consequences of that are she hasn't lost weight and doesn't feel confident as a result. Adults take responsibility for their own behaviour, it's not up to you to modify your clothes to make her feel better.

Have you spoken to her about this? She was with you when you bought it?
Is there a chance she was having a moan to her own husband - along the lines of I saw the skirt OP is wearing - I'll look like a potato and husband has taken that to mean he needs to act rather than just listen.

Either way - against what most pp say - I would not wear the skirt. But I would go get another outfit that I feel ever more fabulous in.

Oh and remind DH that he owes you a night out in your new skirt.

That fact that you've lost a lot of weight isn't really the point.

You look how you look and she looks how she looks. You're slim, she isn't. What are you supposed to do about that.

Tbh the skirt at issue sound awful to my way of thinking, but it's what you love and what you want to wear so wear it and enjoy your birthday.

Whatever you wear you're going to look slimmer than she does. Not sure what she or your DH want you to do about that.

Your choice of clothing is not up for discussion ffs, you are a grown up. I would not pander to this for ANY occassion, let alone my 30th.

Massive well done. I need to lose 4 stone and have become the biggest of my friends. That's on me, no one else. If a friend had achieved what you had I'd be delighted and after tips and help!