To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

[Zebby25]

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else.
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

WIt a minute, she’s overweight so you are not allowed to wear your skirt?

You have to wear something that makes you look, what, bigger? Less attractive? And your husband goes along with it? Because another woman is overweight?

Jolly well done on getting fit and healthy and vastly reducing your chances of getting diabetes and/or fucking up your knees and back with arthritis at a relatively early age.

Whether or not you wear the skirt, have a great birthday.

Maybe they want you (and all the other healthy weight people) to put on fat suits to make the obese people feel normal.

Her size is not your problem

^this. And your DH should be telling you to wear whatever you feel gorgeous in. Well done on your weight loss. However, if you are feeling particularly petty you could find a reasonably priced drop dead gorgeous figure hugging dress in a really bright colour so you stand out more then innocently say “well you said I couldn’t wear my skirt”

I would be absolutely furious at my DH not having my back here.

'Don't worry SIL, I've made alternative plans to celebrate my birthday so you won't have to worry about my skirt choices. See you some other time.'

And to your DH - 'If you want to keep that close best mates relationship with your bro and also have a good loving marriage, looks like you'd better make it clear to your bro where your loyalties lie when something like this pops up. Hint: it's not going to be telling your wife she can't wear something on her birthday because your brother's wife's feelings are more important. Right, about Friday, as you might have guessed the night out is off, I'm going to have a think about what I'll be doing instead...'

Go buy a jumpsuit, to not a skinny person can wear one, when your SIL complains to your husband just look at him and say could me on how can I win ....

You could wear the skirt and team it with a t-shirt like this www.zazzle.co.uk/team_potato_t_shirt-235972098613288140
In fact as it turns out, funny potato t-shirts are a thing www.teepublic.co.uk/t-shirts?query=potato

But wearing any of those actually would be a bit bitchy and would probably make you look daft. Wear what you want. your sil will have to find a way to deal with her insecurities.

So where is DH taking you instead for your birthday since it will be just you two now? Somewhere nice I hope

Iwouldn't wear it... id choose a bodycon dress that showed off every inch of my body just to really rub it in.

This 😆

SIL is wrong but bloody hell BIL and DH are batshit as well!

Your DH should've just said he doesn't tell you what to wear and he bloody shouldn't be telling you what to wear! She's driven by jealousy which is not good, but my DH would e just laughed and said I don't tell Cab what to wear.

This is completely weird and you should ignore it. Tbh I wear an 18 and I would wear a leather skirt anyway because I don't give a single fuck. I'd rock a leather skirt. She has some serious insecurities.

Congrats OP!

You got it flaunt it!
If anyone has an issue with you wearing what you want it’s not your problem!
They can have an opinion but you have worked hard to achieve your weightloss and have every damn right to dress how you want!

Wear it OP! Own it and feel that amazing feeling you felt when you bought it!

DH needs a kick in the rear! Dbil & Dsil aswell! The nerve of some people making your day all about them!

What did your sister-in-law say in the shop as you were trying it on?

Did she buy anything?

If she was encouraging in the shop I would be questioning if she was two face. I hate to resort to gender stereotypes but if a woman had been shopping and she moaned about what the other person had brought that they wouldn't just nod. He has supposedly thought she was so bothered about it he spoke not to you but your husband. It must have been very heavy prompting from her.

So he thinks your husband should 'have a word' - ugh - and your husband did!

If she brought anything I wonder if her husband said it was 'too sexy' and she actually said 'you should see what SIL has brought. I could be frump next to her.'

For all 3 to want to dictate what you wear on your evening is just so sad. Why don't they want you to feel good about yourself? Is this often true?

Wear what you damn well want.
But wear the skirt. With a bikini top.

Sorry ... worried that my phrase 'is this often true' might sound like I don't believe you. I meant as it happened before that any of them had belittled your success:

Did they support you with your goal to lose weight?

I'm another one who thinks your SiL probably never intended for this to get back to you, and she would probably be absolutely mortified if she knew that your DH had told you not to wear the damned skirt! Have you actually spoken to her about it herself?

I can sympathise with her feeling that way, because I am that fat friend who has occasionally not wanted to go on a night out with thinner friends because I know I would look shit next to them. I know it's entirely my problem and I wouldn't dream of telling my friends - if I'm really in such a bad mindset, I would simply plead illness and not go. I would be embarrassed as hell if I was found out.

Just for balance, I have also been on the other side of things when I lost a lot of weight a few years ago (I'm fat again now) and the difference in the way I was treated generally when I was thin was an eye-opener, and not in a nice way. I was just assumed to have more inherent value and to be healthier and more intelligent. In fact, I wasn't healthy at all because I lost the weight due to an ED.

I am sure that you, OP, will have had a similar experience of this difference in treatment, having been overweight yourself, so I suppose all I'm saying is, don't NOT wear the skirt, but try to be a bit kinder in your mindset to your SiL. She might seem to you to be making up excuses for why she can't lose weight like you did, but do you really know what's going on in her head and why she put the weight on in the first place?

If she's uncomfortable with her body that's rather sad but it's her problem, not yours. She may well consider that you're rubbing her face in it but again, why shouldn't you feel good?

On the plus side you could be inspiring for her to do something about her own appearance. As you say, you've worked your backside off for this - it didn't just happen with a great deal of effort. Well done. Glory in it, why shouldn't you?

your SiL probably never intended for this to get back to you

Nonsense. The SIL has threatened not to go to the birthday party if the OP wears the skirt.

Time to stop socialising with just in-laws. Invite some mates from your new life. People you choose, who care about you, about having fun and aren’t so self obsessed as your SIL.

Let family celebrate you with family cake and granny at teatime on the nearest Sunday afternoon to your big day. Save the night out for fun folk. Leave that DH home, while you’re at it.

Nonsense. The SIL has threatened not to go to the birthday party if the OP wears the skirt.

Did she say to her DH "you better tell your brother that his wife better not wear that skirt or I'm not going to the party" or do you think it was more likely she was feeling a bit shit about herself and was having a whinge to her DH and said she felt like not going, never expecting him to actually tell his brother to tell you not to wear it? I suspect it's not just about the skirt and she was just feeling a bit crap about herself and the two husbands thought that the skirt was the whole issue.

Of course I don't know that for sure but to me that seems the most likely

Do you usually have to go along with bil and sil wishes? I just can't believe (and not in a that l think this isn't true way!) the actual arrogance to think that they can dictate what you can wear on sil say so!

Is it possible the skirt just really isn't appropriate / doesn't look as good as you think it does and they're trying to tell you not to wear it in a nice way without knocking your new found abundance of confidence?

^

Way to go to knock another woman's confidence

I would
a) return the skirt (just to show that you've listened)
then...
b) by something more skimpy and more revealing (... at least you wouldn't be wearing that skirt )

Seriously. (I'm not joking... and I don't think I'm a bitch?... your SIL on the other hand....)

...and many MANY congrats on your weight loss, it is an amazing achievement!

Wtf? WEAR THE SKIRT.

You know, ignore your DH and SIL. You are doing your SIL a big favour actually as she will see you looking slim and healthy and maybe will want to put an effort into her weight as well.
Alternatively you could wear a fat suit to make your SIL feel better.
Just don't go out with her anymore.
Close people who are meant to protect you can be such dicks. DH also did it to me to make his DM feel better but making me feel miserable as a result.