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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

318 replies

Zebby25 · 08/04/2019 09:52

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else. Shock
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

OP posts:
Moneys2Tight2Mention · 09/04/2019 14:08

Just so bizarre how many people think this skirt, that sounds frankly horrible, is the pinnacle of fashion and clearly the only way to celebrate your new figure despite

Isn't it bizarre how posters, who sound frankly horrible, take time out of their day to read a post, completely miss the issue at hand and decide to tear strips off other posters just to make themselves feel better? Strange isn't it. Confused

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 09/04/2019 14:14

No one is doing OP any favours pretending this skirt is anything other than it is. I didn't miss the issue, I'm just pretty sure, given the description of the skirt, that there's more to it. Telling someone a skirt they haven't even worn yet sounds horrible isnt "tearing strips off them".

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 14:15

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney

I couldn't care less what the item of clothing is. What's outrageous is that anyone thinks they have the right to tell OP (or anyone else) what they can wear, be that a leather look skirt, ball gown and tiara or a potato sack. Bog all to do with anyone other than the person wearing it.

greenpop21 · 09/04/2019 14:16

Yes it is isn't it Moneys , totally missing the point that OP loves the skirt and feels amazing in it. We haven't even seen the skirt baby so how could we possibly comment on whether it is the pinnacle of fashion? But if it isn't who cares? Who are you anyway?

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 09/04/2019 14:19

I'm someone who is struggling to believe that this skirt looks so amazing that it is worthy of causing a family rift. It must be the fucking Helen of Troy of skirts. I just can't believe no one else finds it weird.

NWQM · 09/04/2019 14:19

@LittleChristmasMouse and to add to your post if I may......

the SIL was there when said skirt. The OP hasn't said she did everything to put me off it when we were buying it. It's precisely because the OP looks good in it that the SIL went home and objected.

I'm often said to my husband 'I'm worried about looking like the Granny' because my Mummy friends are 10 plus years younger. He unfailing tells me I look beautiful because he believes that. He doesn't to and say could you guys all look older.

greenpop21 · 09/04/2019 14:24

A black leather or faux leather skirt can look great. The OP isn't saying its so amazing, she feels great in it, has recently lost lots of weight and wants to wear something she probably didn't feel confident enough to before. Is that so difficult to understand. The post is that the SIL and BIL are making the skirt into a massive issue. It's not the skirt is being told what to do!!!!

greenpop21 · 09/04/2019 14:25

*It's not the skirt, it's being told what to do!

greenpop21 · 09/04/2019 14:25

It's about jealousy from SIL.

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 14:28

I'm someone who is struggling to believe that this skirt looks so amazing that it is worthy of causing a family rift. It must be the fucking Helen of Troy of skirts. I just can't believe no one else finds it weird.

It doesn't matter what the skirt is or what it looks like. It could be Cinderalla's rags for all I care. What matters is that the OP wants to wear it - that's it and no one, not her SIL,BIL or husband has any right to say that she can't.

That's what will cause the rift - the SIL who thinks she can dictate what others do.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 09/04/2019 14:33

I agree she should wear anything she likes, I did already say that. I'm not trying to be down on the OP, she's done so well and deserves to wear something amazing.

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 14:36

I'm not trying to be down on the OP, she's done so well and deserves to wear something amazing.

Great. And what the OP deems amazing is this skirt. So that's sorted then.

billybagpuss · 09/04/2019 14:43

The saddest thing though is if it were me my excitement over the skirt would have been tainted now so I probably would wear something else. But it would have to be something amazing that would annoy her even more.

Have a great birthday OP

NWQM · 09/04/2019 15:33

I'm with @billybagpuss I'd ditch the skirt and wear one of the amazing dresses that have been suggested on the thread. Show no one till the day.

Happynow001 · 09/04/2019 18:03

I'm with @billybagpuss I'd ditch the skirt and wear one of the amazing dresses that have been suggested on the thread. Show no one till the day. Actually I think by now I'd ditch all three people who were being unsupportive and/or jealous and wear whatever I wanted on a night out with my mates.

septembersunshine · 09/04/2019 18:54

Wear the skirt otherwise she will think she can tell you what to wear every time you see her. That is crazy. Well done op on the weight loss!

Angrybird123 · 09/04/2019 19:20

My sister is a size 18 and wears a knee length black leather skirt with boots and a floaty top. She looks bloody fabulous in it. OP should absolutely wear it.
Also, does anyone else think 'wear the skirt', should be a new MN 'thing' like 'cancel the cheque' or 'penis beaker'??

RockinHippy · 09/04/2019 19:34

Christ my DH would be wearing a new arsehole if he'd ever dared to pull that one. He should have your back & be proud, not giving into SIL insecurities.

They ABVU

You are not.

Rock that skirt & go get yourself a sexy corset top as a 2 fingers up to them if they don't back down & apologise.

You earned it, well done

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