To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

[Zebby25]

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else.
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

Also going with "WEAR THE SKIRT!!"

If your SIL is going to feel bad, that's on her, not you. You're not responsible for her feelings, or her weight. If she doesn't want to feel like a potato, then she can do what you did - and if she can't, that's STILL not on you.

Just wear it.

She’s having the equivalent of a toddler tantrum over your skirt - ignore it. Her weight is her problem and you should be free to wear whatever you want!
Your DH should not be indulging her little tantrum either.

She has to stand next to you all night? So that the rest of the world can look and judge? She needs to see someone about that. Or grow up.
I could do with losing weight, but I've never begrudged a friend achieving weight loss and certainly would never campaign in advance to get others involved to prevent them wearing something I've seen them in because I know it looks great.
as @GreenTulips said , 3 adults deciding that they have the right to tell you want to wear? DH saying that he'll let you wear it six months down the line? Outrageous.
Congratulatons on your hard work. You deserve to wear it, and even if you didn't its no one else's business.
Probably better if you don't go clothes shopping with her again tho as she's clearly sensitive and having won your own battle you have room to be kind when it doesn't infringe on your own rights.

Have you actually heard any of this from your SIL directly? It sounds from your post that she has said something in private to her husband, and now he and your husband are out to 'fix' the situation. I'd speak to her and ask her if it's true she is not coming due to your outfit. I bet she'd be mortified that this had been put to you. Give her a ring, I bet its all Chinese whispers.

Also also, don't let them shame you with 'selfish' and 'showing off'. Put that shit back where it belongs. 'Damn straight I'm showing off. I've worked hard and I deserve to. And if anyone is being selfish here, on MY BIRTHDAY, it's SIL.'

I wouldn't wear it... id choose a bodycon dress that showed off every inch of my body just to really rub it in.

LOL. I'd wear lingerie, heels and a trench coat.

Cheeky mare.

So becuase she is overweight you must not wear nice clothes? Her weight isn’t really your problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wear what you like, if she doesn’t like her weight the she needs to woman up, take some control and do something about it!

When people like you lose weight, it shames those like her that do nothing about there own and often they act this way..,.

This would annoy me, your DH and IL's instead of being proud and happy for you and all your hard work are pissing all over it.

How supportive were they about you changing your diet and lifestyle? Are they the cheerleader type or the type to sit across from you eating chips and oh-ing and ah-ing about how nice they are and how you are missing out. I have recently changed my diet, joined WW and my oh in a show of support is doing a modified diet with me, I have one more stone to go and he has been supportive all they way, I know it kills him to have fakeaway instead of our usual Saturday night chinese but he is right there with me, cheering each other on.

I say take yourself and your skirt on a night out with friends that are happy for your success and enjoy your birthday

I agree with Baglady. I think she's had a grumble at her DH about feeling shit about her weight, doesn't want to go as she will feel crap next to you, and her DH has picked up the baton and ran with it. Speak to her.

YANBU

I’d wear the skirt unless DH was willing to commit to another night out when you could wear it and he was willing to pay for another outfit you could wear on your birthday - that’s the price he has to pay for not supporting you.
SIL is obviously upset that she hasn’t been able to achieve what you have in terms of weight loss and views the skirt and the way it fits you as being the problem. In reality unless you made yourself look bigger whatever you end up wearing won’t make much difference because you are a smaller size than she is.
Friends or not I’d not be going clothes shopping with her again

My friend is tall and slim, and I’m short and not. I don’t begrudge her being slim and beautiful and wearing what makes her feel good, and she doesn’t begrudge me showing off assets which she lacks.

I doubt she would say anything to you about the situation, it’ll be more of a moan to her husband. And whilst it’s lovely of him to try and make her feel better, but it shouldn’t be at your expense.

Maybe suggest another shopping trip, which focuses on her and making the most of her shape and assets, that way she can feel good about herself too.

wear it and claim it's a different skirt of she asks, in fact go "oh yes, it's actually diffrrent, its a size smaller"...

you know it's so weird when this happens. I've also had a dramatic weight loss over the years and people who knew me from before were saying things like 'I think you need a good feed now'

it's so bizarre, who knew weight loss could cause such a surge in jealousy in people (I certainly never behaved like this!)

wear what you want and look good in it!

Of course it’s bitchy. I could almost hear you snort at how funny you are as you posted it.

"DH has told me I really ought to wear something else."

Your DH should be supporting you, not being a controlling arse

Except for when it is her birthday or wedding day, wear what* you want*
That is regardless of whether you are size 8, size 18 or size 28

As for being forbidden to wear your lovely new outfit on your own birthday 🤬🤬

Do NOT give in to your DH / SIL

Well done on your fantastic weight loss. I do think you should wear your gorgeous new skirt, but I also think your pist comes across as quite mean about people who don't have the discipline or commitment to weight loss as you did. There's no need to be patronising about it.

Wow @Zebby25 WELL DONE on the weight loss and getting fitter too!! Either one is hard but you've done both so go you!! 💃🏽 She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes. And, your SIL's health issues apart that's fine too but she doesn't get to dictate either directly or indirect through other people what YOU wear.

Wear your kick-ass little faux-leather skirt and enjoy looking fab in it. I'm almost there with the weight loss, lower BMI, blood pressure, etc and eyeing up some leather skirts too! Hopefully my birthday present to me!! 😁 YANBU and your DH should have had your back.

Wear the skirt.

It's a night to celebrate YOUR birthday, you wear what the hell YOU want and SIL absolutely should not be trying to force you to play small because of her self esteem on your birthday night out. Absolutely neither should DH. Both should be loudly cheering you on and making loud and proud comments about how bloody amazing and wonderful you are for the grit and determination you have put in and how GOD DAMN HOT you look in that skirt. It's not about how SIL looks in comparison to you. It's sad that she has low self esteem but that's not your fault or a reason for you (all) not to celebrate your newfound higher self confidence.

My strategy would be to go ahead planning the night with puzzled innocent questions if your DH says anything more. Pick one at a time; "why wouldn't I wear the skirt I feel amazing in on my birthday? Why would my clothing have an impact on how somebody else feels about their own body? Would it be acceptable for her to tell a stranger standing next to her in The Skirt to go buy a floral from M&S because it's offending her? Why should I have to cover up a body I am proud of on my birthday? Why should my SIL get to dictate my wardrobe? Why wouldn't she and you just be happy for and proud of me? Why would I let other people's feelings about my body mean I can't wear what I want on my birthday?"

If you stay completely neutral, innocent, and "I'm wearing an outfit I feel good in on my birthday." without getting into a fight, if SIL refuses to come or makes a scene it'll be very clear that she's the one being unreasonable. Then you still go out, just with DH, and do a meal or something different with SIL and BIL and go to a charity shop and buy the frumpiest granny dress you can find to wear

Wear the skirt. Wear the skirt. Wear the skirt. Wear the skirt. Wear the skirt. Wear the skirt. Wear the skirt. Wear the skirt. Wear the skirt. WEAR the skirt. Wear THE skirt. Wear the SKIRT.

Personally I think you should wear the skirt.

@ILoveAllRainbowsx

I agree with @ILoveMaxiBondi (your alter ego!).

Did you miss the part where OP said it's her BIRTHDAY and that they probably wouldn't go out for another 6 months? So no, OP won't have plenty of occasions to wear her skirt.

Stop policing women's bodies and clothes!

Well done. Of course YANBU. Wear your skirt, you have worked your arse off for it.

Just say "Hahahahahahahahaha good one" then wear the skirt. Unbelievably weird to ask someone to do that.

Wear it!!!! And if your DH tries to come onto you after seeing how beautiful you look all night send him packing