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AIBU Boundaries?

(286 Posts)
Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 19:32:21

I really don't think I'm being unreasonable but tell me if I am. In short...

There's a woman my partner works with who is attracted to him. Because of this I think he should avoid her where possible. Obviously normal work interactions are fine but anything beyond that I don't think he should engage in

He doesn't see the issue or why it'd bother me him talking to her socially or sharing food/drink etc with her at work or telling her about himself


mirime Wed 20-Mar-19 20:00:22

Someone quite closely connected with my work fancied me. I carried in treating them the same as everyone else, including chatting.

DH knew, said nothing about it.

You are being a bit unreasonable.

Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:10:46

Do you not think it encourages it? She's not subtle and I know he finds her attractive too but he's obviously never said that to me

slipperywhensparticus Wed 20-Mar-19 20:11:33

Sharing food?

SuchAToDo Wed 20-Mar-19 20:15:45

If she is a colleague then I guess he has to keep talking to her and can't blank her completely if they work together,

If she is being obvious about her attraction to him, and he knows that it bother you, then if he has no intention of pursuing anything with her I can't see why he can't say to her "sorry, I am not interested, I have a partner, please don't make those type of comments to me as it makes me uncomfortable(or whatever she is doing/saying)

Nicknacky Wed 20-Mar-19 20:19:52

How do you know all this?

PengAly Wed 20-Mar-19 20:23:01

So are you suggesting that he cannot talk to her at work unless it is specifically about work related things? If that is the case then i think YABU and really should trust him unless he has given you a reason not to.

Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:27:41

Sharing food = Someone bringing cake in and him splitting his piece with her or her giving him things of hers

Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:30:31

I know because he told me as examples of its innocence. That it's obvious she's attracted to him (only pointed this out to him as he'd mentioned her a couple of times and he'd explained who she was) which he conceded ish

They have something in common and he's mentioned her to his mum as she also shares the interest. I didn't love that either

Nicknacky Wed 20-Mar-19 20:30:36

What’s wrong with that and how do you know this?!

Nicknacky Wed 20-Mar-19 20:31:27

So you have decided she fancies him?

Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:31:45

I'm not saying they can't make small talk, I'd never tell him he couldn't do anything. But I don't think it's unreasonable of me to not like another woman leaving food or whatever on my partners desk for him because he likes it etc

PengAly Wed 20-Mar-19 20:31:46

Sharing food = Someone bringing cake in and him splitting his piece with her

I really cant see anything wrong with him splitting a piece of cake with her that someone brought in.....

Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:32:45

It's based on what he's told me and when I've dropped stuff off to him or collected him and seen them interact

Nicknacky Wed 20-Mar-19 20:33:27

I think you ask him far far too much then misinterpret it.

Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:33:43

Brought in for him, sorry that wasn't clear at all. A manager bought it for him and he shared it with just her

PengAly Wed 20-Mar-19 20:34:44

Sorry OP but looking at your updates you are being very UR and a tad controlling. He isnt meeting up with her after work for drinks- its just a bit of food and friendly chat while at work! My DH has had female collegues that he shares interests with- it doesnt mean anything other than a friend at work.

CrabbyPatty Wed 20-Mar-19 20:36:57

Do you have any obvious examples if flirting? So far this could be innocent. There's nothing I wouldn't do with any of my colleagues.

Decormad38 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:39:32

I think you are acting a bit weird and are sounding very insecure.

Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:42:02

This isn't a drip feed but it's more gut feeling. He's missed meetings because he's been distracted talking to her about personal stuff. He doesn't understand why I'd have issue with this but I think it's a respect thing. If you're in a commuted relationship, why devote any energy to someone else who's attracted to you

CrabbyPatty Wed 20-Mar-19 20:44:30

You haven't really illustrated the 'attraction part which is why people think you may just be being paranoid. Has she told him she's attracted to him/made a move etc? I've fancied people at work - despite being happily married. I'd probably share cake with them too if they offered!

Nicknacky Wed 20-Mar-19 20:44:37

I buy lunch and share it with the guy I work with....

BlueMerchant Wed 20-Mar-19 20:47:35

I wouldn't like it at all OP. I'd be worried he's flattered by it all and is possible inadvertently encouraging it chatting to her about personal things and accepting her ' kindness'.

PolPotNoodle Wed 20-Mar-19 20:49:20

You could just piss on him to ward her off, I suppose.

Pomo81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:49:51

That's it, blue merchant. That's how I feel. I've asked him if she's like that with anyone else, male or female and even he said no

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