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AIBU not to pay for my 16 year olds holiday when I didn't agree to it?

(228 Posts)
ThisMustBeMyDream Sun 03-Mar-19 18:08:57

I'm so cross and disappointed with this. My 16 year old DS has had a girlfriend for a few months. She's a lovely person, and the relationship has progressed sensibly. Up until now I haven't spoken to her parents as there was no real need to.
However, something seperate occured today, which prompted me to speak with them. As an aside they mentioned that My DS was going on holiday with them. It's booked and paid for and he has said he is paying them back. I asked how much it was for, and was told £600.

Now, my DS had mentioned about a holiday with her few weeks ago, but no more details were given. I asked him to find out more information and let me know. I did say to DS it was unlikely and I absolutely wouldn't be able to pay.

So he has gone agaisnt what I said, and the mum has told me it has been booked. No discussion with me prior. She has just taken the word of 16 year old DS.

I am in no way able to pay for or contribute to this holiday. DS has a job, he earns min wage for 16 year olds which is £4.20 ph. It will take him working 150 hours just to pay off a holiday that (let's face it, teenagers aren't the most reliable of relationship keepers) he may not even end up going on. He is at college, so his working hours are limited. It's 0 hours, and he takes what he can get which can be 0 or 12 hours a week.

I can't see how he can pay for it. I can't pay for it. AIBU to wash my hands of it and say it's between DS and the girlfriends mum to deal with?

As an aside note, he has a holiday with us and extended family booked 2 weeks later paid for by my dad, so there is no lack of holiday going on.

LannieDuck Sun 03-Mar-19 18:10:56

I agree with you, I think it's up to DS and gf's parents to figure out expectations for repayment.

Comefromaway Sun 03-Mar-19 18:11:12

She was stupid to book it and not consult with you. That’s a heck of a lot of money.

billybagpuss Sun 03-Mar-19 18:15:23

Are they better off than you? how did the conversation go did you tell the mum that you can't pay and can't see how he can? If he does 10 hours a week and gives her everything he can repay in 15 weeks, more realistically 30 if he keeps some back to live off.

If I offered for a friend to come along at that age I would either expect to pay or be very flexible with the repayments.

PinkiOcelot Sun 03-Mar-19 18:16:41

How far off is the holiday? Is it paid in full? I was just thinking it could maybe be cancelled and only lose the deposit.

Mamaisamermaid Sun 03-Mar-19 18:16:55

shock hmm confused

Your son might have an idea on how to pay the £600 - How can you be sure if he expects you to pay?

I suggest talking to him - and her afterwards, when you've calmed down a bit.

flowers

QueenofallIsee Sun 03-Mar-19 18:17:56

You certainly are not in the wrong a - you can not afford it! Your son needs to step up and deal with this situation, though I really hope it doesn’t cause any awkwardness with the family

Thebookswereherfriends Sun 03-Mar-19 18:18:07

Yep, I would tell the gf’s mum that the holiday had not been discussed with you and if it had been you would have explained that you couldn’t afford it. Your son needs to accept the consequences of making plans like that without checking. He will have to pay gf’s mum back as and when he can.

spanieleyes Sun 03-Mar-19 18:18:18

Has he ASKED you to pay or are you assuming?

Lovingbenidorm Sun 03-Mar-19 18:18:43

I’d be furious. If they wanted him to join them on their holiday the first thing they should have done is talk to you about it.
Also, whenever we have taken dc friends on holiday
We pay!

0rangeB0ttle Sun 03-Mar-19 18:21:35

I think that your son has assumed too much. £600 plus I assume spending money is alot for a young person to agree to. How about discussing what he can do to earn more money like car washing, child minding, gardening, car boot or sell some things. Secondly, have you asked the other parents about cost of cancelling, perhaps they could invite someone else ?

Mamaisamermaid Sun 03-Mar-19 18:22:50

If he works 40 hours per week for four weeks, he'll have enough money (£672?) to pay for the holiday. If he really wants to go, he can do this.

He might not have to pay for his part of the holiday before the holiday (depending on when the holiday is happening) and he might be able to pay them back after working a few weeks after the holiday?

ThisMustBeMyDream Sun 03-Mar-19 18:24:39

He hasn't asked me to pay. But I know he won't be able to pay it back at more than about £10-15 a week. So for 40-60 weeks this will be hanging over him. I want his priority to be college work, not having to find another job along side his existing one. He shouldn't have been put in this position.

I've no idea what the other family earn. They probably think I earn well, but all my money goes on childcare to maintain a career as a single parent. So there isn't any spare for holidays.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 03-Mar-19 18:25:05

The parents dont seem to.expect you to pay though?

They seem to have made a private arrangement with your DS. My DC are still very small but I might have expected them to speak to you out of courtesy. That said, they may take the view that your DS is 16 and therefore they can make an arrangement with him on the basis that he could get married etc so legally has a certain level of maturity. Presumably they will have factored in the fact that relationships break down etc. The good thing is that - as it is a private arrangement with a 16 year old - there can be no.auesion of recovering any money from you

On that basis, I would tread carefully with this. If you go crackers, you run the risk of pushing him closer to his GF and her family. There is no risk to you in respect of repayment so I think I would smile may way through it and see how it pans out

Aragog Sun 03-Mar-19 18:25:14

How's he going to work 40 hours a week when at college?

WWWWicked Sun 03-Mar-19 18:25:41

Have you actually spoken to your DS about this and given him a chance to explain himself?

YANBU to not pay a penny towards it though.

NotANotMan Sun 03-Mar-19 18:26:01

He's 16! How's he going to get 40 hours a week work? Plus he'll need £hundreds for spending money too!

Handsfull13 Sun 03-Mar-19 18:26:44

I'd be pissed. Even if he has a plan in mind for coming up with the money he still needs you permission to go with them. And they should have contacted you to ask.

I'd have two different discussions with those involved.
1. Talk to your son. Tell him he didn't ask if you were ok with this holiday and didn't provide you with any details. Then discuss how he plans on paying for this holiday.

2. Talk to his gf parents. Ask them why they didn't contact you to ask if this was ok. They are taking your son out of the country with them so you would expect the common sense to reach out and ask about it. Have they sorted out a payment plan with your son as you can not afford to help him with this cost and if he can't earn enough straight away will they be covering it.

ThisMustBeMyDream Sun 03-Mar-19 18:27:02

Yes I've spoken to him. He's being thoroughly immature about the whole thing.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 03-Mar-19 18:27:21

But you dont know what agreement they have made as you are not party to it. They might have agreed 10p a week. Wait and talk to him

getback Sun 03-Mar-19 18:28:37

He hasn't asked me to pay. But I know he won't be able to pay it back at more than about £10-15 a week. So for 40-60 weeks this will be hanging over him. I want his priority to be college work, not having to find another job along side his existing one. He shouldn't have been put in this position

But will HE feel it's hanging over him? Has he even mentioned a second job? Have you asked him what repayment arrangements he has made with GFs family? You seem to be assuming a lot.

zod1ac19 Sun 03-Mar-19 18:28:42

If he works 40 hours per week for four weeks, he'll have enough money (£672?) to pay for the holiday. If he really wants to go, he can do this.

The kid’s at college, he can’t do 40hrs pw 🙄

OP, I would be furious with you DS and also that she had booked it without consulting you. What did she say when you didn’t know anything about it?

ThisMustBeMyDream Sun 03-Mar-19 18:29:08

I've spoken to him Gobbolino.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 03-Mar-19 18:29:22

During term time he is only allowed to work 12 hours a week anyway so he cant work 40 hours a week. He can work more during holidays

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 03-Mar-19 18:29:54

What is the repayment agreement?

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