AIBU not to pay for my 16 year olds holiday when I didn't agree to it?

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

I'm so cross and disappointed with this. My 16 year old DS has had a girlfriend for a few months. She's a lovely person, and the relationship has progressed sensibly. Up until now I haven't spoken to her parents as there was no real need to.
However, something seperate occured today, which prompted me to speak with them. As an aside they mentioned that My DS was going on holiday with them. It's booked and paid for and he has said he is paying them back. I asked how much it was for, and was told £600.

Now, my DS had mentioned about a holiday with her few weeks ago, but no more details were given. I asked him to find out more information and let me know. I did say to DS it was unlikely and I absolutely wouldn't be able to pay.

So he has gone agaisnt what I said, and the mum has told me it has been booked. No discussion with me prior. She has just taken the word of 16 year old DS.

I am in no way able to pay for or contribute to this holiday. DS has a job, he earns min wage for 16 year olds which is £4.20 ph. It will take him working 150 hours just to pay off a holiday that (let's face it, teenagers aren't the most reliable of relationship keepers) he may not even end up going on. He is at college, so his working hours are limited. It's 0 hours, and he takes what he can get which can be 0 or 12 hours a week.

I can't see how he can pay for it. I can't pay for it. AIBU to wash my hands of it and say it's between DS and the girlfriends mum to deal with?

As an aside note, he has a holiday with us and extended family booked 2 weeks later paid for by my dad, so there is no lack of holiday going on.

Please RTFT

The OP said he worked between 0-12 hours a week.

Some poster upthread said he could work 40 hours. She'd not read the thread.

Just say you don't think he is old enough and don't give your permission for him to go, maybe next year. They should have asked you.

OP

I'd call the parents and tell them you cannot pay . Ask them how this leaves things as your son is unlikely to have the money.
They may offer to pay.

The risk is your son and this girl split before the summer.

I find it strange that they didn't check that you were ok with it. He's not 18+. At 16, kids should of course have plenty of freedom and autonomy, but certain things still need to go via a parent at 16 imo. A £600 jolly is one of 'em!

He shrugged his shoulders and wouldn't engage in anything beyond "I said I'd pay for it". The mum said "He assured me it was ok and we've booked it. I thought you knew. He said he was paying for it himself.. I now feel bad for not contacting you."
No one has mentioned about how it is being paid back. DS won't, and until he comes up with something, I don't want to continue the conversation with her.

DS is 17 next week. His birthday money has been spent on driving lessons and his provisional licence. His job was supposed to cover a weekly driving lesson after the set I've paid for. Making me even more furious. Learning to drive is the one thing I can help him with right now, provided he contributes to the weekly lesson. Now it is in jeapordy because another mum couldn't check something was okay with me before putting DS in to a financial commitment .

Well- this needs a polite and calm chat with the other adults involved.

The other parents have been incredibly irresponsible - he is education - where would he be getting that sort of money from? I had a boyfriend at 16 and went on holiday with the family - I remember my mum (who had never met them) calling them just to check what the situation was etc - I didn't pay for it!

He is a child still living at home - they should not have taken his word for it. I would be very pissed off with them - kids have lower rational skills than adults and are more impulsive - it's part of the way the teenage brain develops.

So they shouldn't have put him in that situation.

I don't want to risk alienating him by saying he can't go. It's been a very difficult 3 years keeping him on track so he doesn't mess his future up. I don't want to push him away, which forcing them to cancel the holiday would definitely do.

Where do you live sheworebluevelvet? No year 12s finish in June where I am, not even the private schools and it's almost impossible for a 16 year old to get a job in pub or any non zero hours contract work at all, that's pretty standard I thought.

My ds (14) managed to pay for his own school trip which was for a similar sum of money, he put in lots of holiday over time. I’m not sure why a 16 year old can’t manage to raise that sort of money. He has said he will pay them so I’d leave it with him. They may have arranged it to be paid over a year.

He does silver service. Can't work in a pub. He had 11 applications and 4 interviews with mcdonalds, who rejected him on each occasion. He has applied to, and been interviewed for many many places. It isn't as simple as just finding another job. Nor should he have to - the situation should never have arisen.

I've just spoken to DS's dad over it, and he said he thought I knew. He isn't particularly concerned. Maybe he can bloody well sort it out if he thinks it is okay to saddle a 16 year old with a £600 bill/debt.

This will be a lesson on considering financial commitments before making them for him. FWIW I really didn’t think my ds would raise that kind of money, he only had 3 months to get it together but he did plus his own spending money. The other parents didn’t ask you so it isn’t your problem.

Of course he can go. It's booked and paid for. It's just that you won't be paying for it! Maybe the gf's parents have got loadsamoney.

has he paid a deposit?

Going on the holiday and stumping up cash are different things.

When the other parents ask for the cash for it, how do they expect he can pay?

sorry- see it's all paid for and he's paying back.

I would get the mum to cancel and SHE can bloody well tell him she’s cancelled it because he can’t pay her back. Stupid cow. Where’s his spending money coming from, too? None of this is your fault.

My Dd is in Year 12. She finishes mid July. Most the other schools and colleges is end of July.

It’s Year 13 where they finish in June after A levels/Btec.

It was not very good that he said he could pay when he couldn't. Could he do a bit of extra work and go halves with you on the cost?

I would no be paying for it myself though and I’d be sure my ds paid them back in full. If your ds has a very busy summer working every odd job he can find then so be it, he will have learnt what it takes to honour his financial obligations. He will also realise how little spending money he has and what it takes to save that sort of money.

perhaps he can offer his services mowing lawns or weeding or something for the extra cash.

Babysitting??

I suspect he's going silent on you because he's just worked out he can't afford it and is now bricking it....

How ridiculous. The GF's family will have to pay for him. Any chance of cancellation for loss of deposit only?

Or he wants to dump the gf but can't because he's stuck with going on holiday with her!

It's their problem entirely.

Yes he’s been irresponsible, but I think out of excitement. I think you need to speak to the girlfriends mum.

We went on holidays a few years ago, I told ds he could ask his girlfriend and we would pay for her to go. Unfortunately it fell a week before her GCSE’s, so he didn’t ask her as he knew she wouldn’t come (understandably). Then last year, again we said she could come, but would have to pay herself as we couldn’t afford another £800. He didn’t ask her, as he said her parents couldn’t afford it. (Good jobs, but living in a very expensive area, so no surplus £1000 plus lying around, understandably).

So as much as ds has wanted her to come, we did too as we love her to bits, after 5 years of them being together, he weighed up the situation before putting her in it. But he’s almost 19 now, so a little older, but we’ve looked like we had it all, but in reality were struggling like hell, and it’s made him think about things. So in all honestly I’m glad he didn’t wave the holiday to her, only for it to be taken away. Who knows maybe this year, after her A Levels we’ll get the holiday!

Teen love! Has a lot to answer for lol

Tricky. Would normally say people that think a child can make that sort of commitment without speaking to his parent (seriously, that's fucked up IMO) oughtn't be trusted to have care of that child. But appreciate you don't want to alienate your son. Also, just read that his dad "thought you knew". Is it possible DS got tacit permission from his dad?

I would have an honest, calm conversation with your son. Point out how long it will take to pay this holiday off with his average wage (including spending: if they're dropping £600 per person on a hol can't imagine they're eating at McDonalds). Ask if this is something he wants to commit to with driving etc also ongoing. If he says yes, speak to the other family about a reasonable repayment term and ensure he sets up a direct debit. If they're sniffy about the amount/length, point out they should've called you. If he sees sense and changes his mind, tell other family that you're sorry but neither he nor you can be held responsible for their outlay.

I'd also be having a conversation with his dad. If my 16yo wanted to go away with a partner I'd be discussing it with my other half. "I thought you knew" is fucking bullshit. But if things are this between you way I guess it may be tricky with him?

Best of luck.