AIBU not to pay for my 16 year olds holiday when I didn't agree to it?

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

I'm so cross and disappointed with this. My 16 year old DS has had a girlfriend for a few months. She's a lovely person, and the relationship has progressed sensibly. Up until now I haven't spoken to her parents as there was no real need to.
However, something seperate occured today, which prompted me to speak with them. As an aside they mentioned that My DS was going on holiday with them. It's booked and paid for and he has said he is paying them back. I asked how much it was for, and was told £600.

Now, my DS had mentioned about a holiday with her few weeks ago, but no more details were given. I asked him to find out more information and let me know. I did say to DS it was unlikely and I absolutely wouldn't be able to pay.

So he has gone agaisnt what I said, and the mum has told me it has been booked. No discussion with me prior. She has just taken the word of 16 year old DS.

I am in no way able to pay for or contribute to this holiday. DS has a job, he earns min wage for 16 year olds which is £4.20 ph. It will take him working 150 hours just to pay off a holiday that (let's face it, teenagers aren't the most reliable of relationship keepers) he may not even end up going on. He is at college, so his working hours are limited. It's 0 hours, and he takes what he can get which can be 0 or 12 hours a week.

I can't see how he can pay for it. I can't pay for it. AIBU to wash my hands of it and say it's between DS and the girlfriends mum to deal with?

As an aside note, he has a holiday with us and extended family booked 2 weeks later paid for by my dad, so there is no lack of holiday going on.

Totally the g/fs parents fault for not speaking to you about it. For a start there's no way in hell I would allow my 16 year old son go on holiday with his g/f, money aside. But if you're OK with him going, then let him sort the money out himself. Put it to the back of your mind, if he takes forever paying the g/f parents back then so be it, that's a lesson for them not to trust a teenagers word in future. Also, I'm assuming the actual holiday cost £600 so what's he planning to use as spending money?

3 months old

Someone has bumped up an old thread.

Qualifies as a zombie thread, doesn’t it? Heads up, June posters.

I’d be glad of an update too, but.

Side note: this bit about ‘no need to have introduced myself to the parents of my 16yo’s girlfriend’ rings bells with me. You can be sure I’d have muscled my way into their phone contact list in the first days or weeks. Anyone who’s going to spend that much time with our family, one way or another I’m making contact. For the safety of both kids (and they are kids), and to nip any stupidity in the bud. Like this holiday nonsense.

Their job is to be naive, lust-crazed and ‘in love’. My job is to keep track of what’s basically going on and stop/influence major derailments if possible. And provide food & Netflix, obviously.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude oop didn't even notice that it an old thread

Never mind the money. What person books a holiday for a minor without the consent of their parent!!!!

16 seems a bit young to be going away on holiday with girlfriend and her parents, it makes it all too serious for their ages. However, as the parents invited him I think they should pay for him. I took friend away with my son when he was a teenager at school and wouldn't have considered asking his parents for anything (he took pocket money).

However the issue is that the holiday has been booked without consultation with you and that is wrong, you need to speak to the girl's parents about it and explain you would not have agreed and cannot afford it.

I've wondered about this situation - even if the OP's son manages to pay for the holiday it would leave him with no spending money or money for clothes etc. The chance of them splitting up before the holiday was really high, too - her parents must have been nuts.

Of course they split up. What a shock!

He had paid £250. Then he dumped her. In the middle of her GCSEs (another subject on appropriate times to do such things!!).

No one has mentioned the holiday.

I am staying out of it.

I've spoken to the girls dad (separated parents, it was the mums holiday). I've spoken to the girl herself. No one has spoken about the holiday other than DS who admitted I was right (surprise, surprise!).

I'm still fuming at the £250 down the drain. I am assuming the mum has sucked up the rest of the cost or found someone to replace him. No contact has been made with him or me about it. My advice to him is to not pay any further and suck up the huge (to him) loss. And learn a valuable lesson (and also not to dump people in the middle of very important exams unless you have no other choice).

Oh bloody hell ! Teenagers

got the six weeks holiday coming up. maybe he could take on some extra work during his time off.

i know you said you want him to put college work first but this is a very valuable lesson he is learning aat home!

Hmm I think what may have happened in that situation is that the ex GFs parents don’t mind who pays DS, they know he’s at college only working few hours at a low wage so shouldn’t have put him in an awkward position but maybe thought he could have half from parents or something obviously not know your positions. But when they asked DS they asked him to ask you about paying. Which he didn’t do before saying, yes he could come. At 16 I would have thought it would have been more of them saying to your DS ‘can you check with your parents’ rather than them co-ordinating with you at that age. I went away at 18 with friends, although we were older some were not working (as just finished college) so similar situation (and it was cheaper but any money if being given to you is a large amount) they all checked parents could help before coming. You shouldn’t be angry at the parents. He’s not involved you untill too late so don’t involve yourself, it’s his holiday he will have to pay even if it takes long time and for goes driving lessons (but not his studies) you can learn to drive at any time but college is important. If he can’t pay then it’s between him and his GFs mum. It’s an awkward position for the GFs mum and she was lead to believe he or you could pay. If he’s not going anymore he should get his money back

Can he pay them back after the holiday? That would give him a lot more time

^oops should have RTFT

Oh my god, OP, a ridiculous end to a epic saga.

I have a 16 year old too, you really have my sympathies (no girlfriend here as of yet).

it's most certainly NOT a ridiculous end!!

As the OP says, Of course, they split up What a shock ...entirely predictable almost as obvious from the start as the plot of The Sixth Sense!!

Let's hope he has learned his lesson and it smarts every time someone mentions Benidorm (or wherever it was he was going!!)

I actually didn't work out until the very end that the boy sees dead people in the Sixth Sense, so it still adds up to a ridiculous end to me.

Hang on, @MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours, I was SHOCKED at the end of Sixth Sense!!

Oh well, he's lost £250, that will be a lesson to him. You'll all move on. It could have been worse - imagine one of them dumping the other during the holiday! Teens eh?

Onwards and upwards, everyone will have learned from the experience.

Read this for the first time earlier today and great to hear the end of the story! Total waste of £250 but hopefully a lesson learned!

I guess 250 pounds as about the right amount for a life lesson to really stick.

You should have told him to insist on going!

Ah well at least he dumped her. It'd have been an even grimmer lesson if she'd dumped him and he'd lost the money.

Kids are great aren’t they! The gift that keeps giving!

A week a way from 17, he’s far from. Ring a grown up but he’s not a child. At that age I was off camping and going on holiday with friends, I never thought to get their mum to ask my mum. Under 16, certainly but a almost 17 I’d leave it up to him to decide. I don’t think you’re handling this well at all.

I’ve RTFT now!