To ask if anyone on here suffers from mal adaptive daydreaming ? And would they like to talk about how it effects them and the things they do to deal with it?

[Ribbonsonabox]

Posting in AIBU rather than mental health because I know that some people do not see mal adaptive daydreaming as a problem and find it helps them.

I'd just like to hear of peoples positive stories about how they have dealt with it?

Its not something I can talk about much in real life because it's one of those things that people dont think exists unless they have it themselves. It's not widely researched.

I've always had it and I think it stems from having quite a difficult and lonely childhood during which I used it as a coping mechanism.... in my adult life though it has really held me back. It's like a compulsion that I cannot exert control over.

I wondered if anyone had had any success in controlling it?

I wouldn't say I suffered from it because I enjoy it! It's great for working through problems, coping with emotions, providing self-support & comfort. Admittedly it can get in the way if I'm supposed to be busy but I can use it as a reward system. I remember being in an exam at school & wanting to carry on with a particularly good dream so I told myself that if I did so much of the exam I could take 5 mins to daydream
I can't imagine why everyone doesn't do it.

Can you explain what it is? I realise I could Google.

I do enjoy this - but I recognise that I use it to escape from real life into fantasy. I have many different scenarios' that I can image myself into & often waste hours doing it, when I could be doing something more constructive in real life. But life is so much more enjoyable & interesting in my daydreams! I would rather do this than watch TV, or surf the net, for example.

Without it, the works of most major novelists wouldn't exist. All of the Brontes to pick only the most obvious example were maladaptive daydreamers, to the point where Emily wouldn't leave home, because only there was she free to spend most of her time at it. Charlotte writes very vividly about struggling in her first live-in job as a schoolmistress, because there was no time to dream unless she was in bed at night, and there's one brilliant passage where she talks about supervising a study hour, and just letting herself go, and no longer seeing the classroom and the girls' faces. Anne, the only one who really broke herself of it, was, I think, sucked in by Emily longer than she wanted, as they shared their fantasy world.

I struggle with it a lot. I have ADHD though so it's to be expected

Rangerider you see that's what I struggle with! I cant set aside time for it it seems to happen constantly without me having control over it which means I'm incredibly withdrawn, cant focus on anything and lack motivation. I'd love to be able to say, when I've done this I'm going to devote an hour to dreaming... but I just dream constantly behind whatever it is I'm trying to do!

Oysterbabr its compulsive daydreaming. Usually with elaborate long running plots characters and themes. Usually coupled with repetitive calming movements like dancing or walking or just a physical tick. Prevents you from giving your full attention to anything and can get in the way of forming bonds with real people.
For example given the choice between doing pretty much anything or, just sitting in a darkened room by myself with the people in my head and the situations in my head which I know and love I'd find it very hard to choose the actual life.... and even if I did I'd still be constantly sparking off things which I saw/heard which would make me dissociate and go back into what i was dreaming.

Maybe I do have adhd? I've never brought it up with a go for fear of just getting laughed at but it has a serious negative impact on my life.
I particularly worry about my relationship with my children because I just zone out.... even if they are speaking to me I miss half of what they are saying because I'm somewhere else... and I even sometimes feel annoyed with them for interrupting my train of thought!
Its affected my ability to study massively... I cant focus on anything. The only jobs I've ever been able to do were repetitive physical jobs because I could dream whilst doing them.
I'm a SAHM now which seems ideal but in a way it's made it worse because no one is looking at me and often I can go days without talking to people, just with my youngest who is a baby whilst my son is at school... and I can do household tasks as well as being fully immersed in my internal life.
I dont feel the need to do anything much in real life because I could just imagine or I do imagine it all before it's even happened. So I have no ambition at all really.... apart from to be let alone...

Selina have you talked about it alongside your adhd diagnosis then? What kind of response did you get? Is it often a factor with that? X

For example given the choice between doing pretty much anything or, just sitting in a darkened room by myself with the people in my head and the situations in my head which I know and love I'd find it very hard to choose the actual life
Ditto. The head stuff is miles better. I do it while walking the dog, in church , driving, pretty much in any situation. Even if I'm with someone I may not be there attention-wise! I have a terrible attention span so it's really easy to slip into it. What can help me actually these days is if I'm working I tend to put a dvd on too as background (I work for myself) - that way my brain has 2 things to notice and therefore doesn't seem to wander further than that (well, much). I guess the radio might work for some people.
I have autism - don't know if that makes it more intense.

I wouldn't swap it - I absolutely love it!

Wow, i have this but I didn't know there was a name for it (just googled). Funnily enough I'm awaiting an assessment for adhd at the moment

Gosh, I've done this since childhood, including the tick thing- never knew it had a name. I recently composed a family tree of all my characters and hid it in a book, because I kept getting their ages muddled up.
I don't know if I like it or not, it can certainly get in the way of real life.

I am pretty sure DD dies this too.

I daydream a lot, I always have. I thought most people do.

When I was little I used to pretend to be a rainbow pony and trot around the place all the time. As I grew up the pretend play moved into my head and changed to suit my age and interests at that time. I'm still a rainbow pony but now it takes the form of a singer, sports star or just a better version of myself. It doesn't hurt anyone and cheers me up.

I do this too

Also had a fairly difficult and lonely childhood. I do it more when things are stressful. I do actually love it though and I can mostly keep it to manageable levels. I don't do the walking or repetitive movements though.

I didn’t realise this has a name. I do this while walking, driving, trying to study. Has been bad recently while studying and also a little bit at work, but have been very strict with myself. I can understand how it can become a big problem.

My work is very attention grabbing so can’t do it there and while studying I break up into small chunks. But I do enjoy it while out walking etc! Used to walk around and around my home city as a teenager doing this!

I do it but not as much as I used to as a child. DS does it too and gets annoyed when he’s interrupted. DH doesn’t really get it and gets annoyed with both of us living in our own little words.
DS is doing fine at school and has friends so I try not to worry about it. I do wonder if it’s related to being an only child.

Yeah my DS does it too, DD and DP don't get it at all. I think it must be infuriating for them in some ways.

I'm comforted to hear people have positive experiences of it. Doubtless it's gotten me through some difficult times... but now its preventing me from engaging with reality.

I started doing this when I was around 9.
As a punishment, our mother would keep us in bed for a month at a time (4 weeks exactly) with no books, tv or toys. We were to stay in bed the whole time and were only allowed out for meals, to go to the toilet and to school of course, if we were lucky enough to get grounded during term time that is (we were too scared of her to play up so just stayed in bed looking at the ceiling) i quickly learnt I could daydream up adventures instead and they have (pretty much) served me well over the years as a form of entertainment or to indulge in fantasies.
There were a couple of years where it got quite intense and negative, my vivid imagination turned against me in the form if intrusive thoughts when dd was a baby and that was very hard but i got past that in time (i may have had undiagnosed pnd too though..) after that hurdle and moving away with baby dd I was daydreaming more than I was living in reality, but I think that was due to being isolated and spending weeks at a time alone (well with a baby, but no adult interaction/communication) it got worse at night and usually involved a current love interest.. at the time I really wanted to be in a relationship (well to be loved) after splitting with dds dad so I guess I was imagining my own perfect scenarios.
Since then life has improved and I'm not so loanly and down, I do it far less and I'm actually happier for it as I'm living more in the present.
I still find myself doing it at times these days but it's far less and usually just as I'm trying to go off to sleep when im most alone with my own thoughts. I'm not sure it will ever stop but I'm more aware of it and can laugh at most of the 'bad' ones rather than allow it to become a painful cycle that I can get into sometimes.

Its sometime embarrassing too because I'll accidently say part of a conversation I'm having out loud or I'll do the facial expression of the emotion I'm experiencing and then look totally nuts to anyone who is near me!

This thread is fascinating. I have this aswell and I had no idea there was a name for it either.

ribbons
I used to do that when out walking dd.
It's quite rural where we live so I got carried away tbis one particular day. I was fully immersed in a dream and was quietly talking to myself, hand gestures and all then looked to my right and there was a man standing outside his house having a cigarette looking so

I was so embarassed! But I just told myself (well hoped) that anyone who saw me probably just assumed I was talking to dd in her pram so I reckon I got away with being the crazy lady

Doesn't everybody do this?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/the_daydream_that_never_stops

This is a good story sums up some elements of it... and happily shes found a way to tone it down through writing