To ask if anyone on here suffers from mal adaptive daydreaming ? And would they like to talk about how it effects them and the things they do to deal with it?

[Ribbonsonabox]

Posting in AIBU rather than mental health because I know that some people do not see mal adaptive daydreaming as a problem and find it helps them.

I'd just like to hear of peoples positive stories about how they have dealt with it?

Its not something I can talk about much in real life because it's one of those things that people dont think exists unless they have it themselves. It's not widely researched.

I've always had it and I think it stems from having quite a difficult and lonely childhood during which I used it as a coping mechanism.... in my adult life though it has really held me back. It's like a compulsion that I cannot exert control over.

I wondered if anyone had had any success in controlling it?

And yes some of my story lines are horrific... I've watched my younger brother be murdered by my father (I dont actually have any siblings!) I've nearly died in countless horrific scenarios.. it's really odd... they arent things I'd actually want to happen in real life.
I have some really dark ones too involving murder and abuse etc. I think it's a way of coping with emotions and when you can make something good come out of the bad in your head it can make real life seem more hopeful.
I can play the same 30 second bits over and over as well. It's like autistic stimming in a way - really comforting (even if it's a fairly dull bit).
I even think that I could cope with locked-in syndrome because I could then just spend hour after hour doing out (though not being able to tell visitors to sod off and leave me in peace would be a nightmare!)

Yes yes yes to that @RangeRider ! I do the same. I have some truly horrible ones, they don't last long but I repeat them over and over and over again (i have this compulsion to have them as multiple of 3s, which is weird). I've always thought it was anxiety but maybe it's just the daydreaming manifesting in another way?

That is fascinating @MotherForkinShirtBalls I have the opposite problem and visualise characters and places so well that I get really cross when the author introduces a description too late in the story, after I've had the time to create my own version of a character's appearance.

Do descriptions help or hinder your reading experience?

I do this but didn't realise there was a name for it!

I have this! I find myself imagining these alternative life stories, where I live in different parts of the world with different people.

I find it has to be grounded in reality though - I always start googling to find out if the years add up or what school I would have gone to if I lived there. I often go through google maps streetview to find a house I would live in in this pretend life.

In one of my pretend lives I live in the town of Lviv in Ukraine - just through zooming in I can, within seconds, find ‘my house’, and I can even use the street view function to ‘walk’ to what I have decided is my grandparents’ house.

These alternative realities are, I find, very much affected by what’s in the news - I often seem to find ways of linking my imaginary self to current events. So my interest in Ukraine started around the time of the protests there.

And if I can’t make something work - I.e. the dates of certain events don’t add up with when my pretend self would have been born - I get extremely frustrated.

Can't stop thinking about Oysterbabe the rainbow pony sports star! Makes me want to start dreaming again! :-)

I do this all the time, I will completely zone out when people are talking to me, when doing tasks.
Does anyone know the thread about the child doing this (pacing about nd acting out the game even though they know its not real) as one of my children does this to a significant degree that it affects his day to day life and social ability ?

I suffered immensely from this my whole life to a degree where it was stopping me from engaging in the real world and then something really serious and dramatic happened in my real life - think armed Police sat outside the house and the offer of witness protection abroad level event.

My mal adaptive day dreaming disappeared overnight. it all suddenly seemed stupid and childish - I also stopped following my football team I had had a season ticket for years as it seemed so pointless.

Its the only thing that helped me stop but I wouldn't wish this solution on anyone.

Like a few other posters I had quite a difficult and lonely childhood and teenage years, and struggled with low self-esteem, and I think it arose as a coping mechanism

Oh yes - me too! My tribe! I also have autism and wonder how much this is tied up with finding 'real life' very difficult and trying to create scenarios that I can control or that work better.
I seem to have grown out of the limerance- which was definitely the worse bit. Now I am quite ill and disabled, the elaborate scenarios and plots help me stop going mad with frustration or boredom.

I often go through google maps streetview to find a house I would live in in this pretend life.
Hell yes! I spend hours on Rightmove looking for the right house for me & my (non existent in reality) family to live in. Even down to checking the local schools
One of my favourite daydreams involves a former teacher and I was quite disturbed to find out that her deceased husband has a different name to the one I'd given him!

Oh gosh yes rightmove and google street view are the crack cocaine of the dreaming world!! I also follow lots of travel people on Instagram just for inspiration on other countries etc that I might want to visit in my head!!

Even down to checking the local schools

For someone who’s never been to Ukraine, I am extremely knowledgeable about the international schooling options...

Barbara

oh yes, I recently found the ideal house for my main character.

Have you tried writing it down? Channelling it into a book or short stories might help.

Does anyone know the thread about the child doing this (pacing about and acting out the game even though they know its not real) as one of my children does this to a significant degree that it affects his day to day life and social ability?

I used to do it in the playground at school in year 4 or 5, making up all sorts of fantasy scenarios and also used to zone out in lessons at that age quite a bit too. I changed schools in Y6 and just stopped doing it. I think in my case I was unhappy and bored at school at that time, I wasn't being stretched or challenged and was coasting, and I didn't get on with many of the other kids very well, I seemed to have nothing in common with them and felt like an outsider. In my next school there was a larger cohort of bright children and the work was a lot more challenging.

Ooh, I do this. I suspect I have ADD. I like it - it's fun, and my household is full of introverts so they give plenty of daydreaming time. DS pointed out that I space out daydreaming and have a daydreaming expression when I'm not really worth him, and I felt guilty. But it seems to work ok for us all.

I'd be interested to know whether people who have vivid daydreams also have vivid dreams at night, or lucid dreams. I had lucid dreams all my life for as long as I can remember but don't have them so much any more.

I think a fantasy world is ok, a positive thing even particularly if you could turn it into a creative project of some kind. Where is stops being positive is when it takes over your whole life and stops you engaging in real life, particularly when some of the fantasies could become a reality if you put the effort in.

In this case I think mindfulness and meditation could help a lot. Being in the moment can be a wonderful thing too. I daydream and lucid dream a lot less in my 40s and I'd probably like to do it a bit more, but I wouldn't swap it for the mental stability and tremendous sense of inner peace and calm I feel most of the time.

I'm interested to hear of possible links to ADHD. My oldest son has ASD and ADD. My middle son has ASD and just missed the threshold for ADHD. I was referred to a paediatrician by my secondary school for issues which may now raise red flags for these conditions but back then the dr just said I was a bit of a loner and interested in my own (unpopular) things. I think I have ADD as the signs became more pronounced in adulthood when I no longer had my parents in charge of my life and organising/motivating me. Where all this is going is that for as long as I can remember I have had entire worlds in my head, with people, places and events. I kind of drift off and think about them given half a chance and can pass hours that way. I was never bored as a child because I would just hang out with my "friends" during things that were not very interesting. Some have dropped off, new ones have arisen and one set has grown up and evolved with me. I write quite a lot as it kind of let's it out a bit. I'm aware that this sounds mad and for that reason I don't tell people but maybe there are others and it has a name! Wow.

And yes to very vivid normal dreams too.

I'd be interested to know whether people who have vivid daydreams also have vivid dreams at night, or lucid dreams
Very weird dreams at night. Sometimes they make sense (sometimes I'm even doing work in them) and sometimes I wake up and think 'o-kayyyyyyy'.
I couldn't even get short stories out of mine because they're too bitty and although they can have lots of different scenes over a period of years they wouldn't hang together well written down. Plus if I did share them people would think I was utterly, utterly barking

We need a vivid/lucid dreams thread. No one's judging!

I'm so glad I read this thread. I do this, and always thought I was crazy.

I have daydreamed like this for as long as I can remember. In times of my life which have been more fulfilling and required more of my attention I find I do it less, its almost like the daydreams give to me what I don't get in life.

I find I have to be walking/pacing and listening to music.

Yes to characters with in depth detail about their lives and plots. I've had the same 'main character' for 20 years, and she lives the life I wish I had.

Ive been doing this my whole life. I also suspect that I have ASD and possibly attention issues (not sure whether it's ADHD? I'm not hyperactive?). I did it pretty much constantly as a child and teenager, as an adult I go through fads though where I'll do it often and then go months when I don't do it at all. I'm never me in the daydreams though, I'm always someone else.