To ask if anyone on here suffers from mal adaptive daydreaming ? And would they like to talk about how it effects them and the things they do to deal with it?

[Ribbonsonabox]

Posting in AIBU rather than mental health because I know that some people do not see mal adaptive daydreaming as a problem and find it helps them.

I'd just like to hear of peoples positive stories about how they have dealt with it?

Its not something I can talk about much in real life because it's one of those things that people dont think exists unless they have it themselves. It's not widely researched.

I've always had it and I think it stems from having quite a difficult and lonely childhood during which I used it as a coping mechanism.... in my adult life though it has really held me back. It's like a compulsion that I cannot exert control over.

I wondered if anyone had had any success in controlling it?

I do this too! Have since I was a child. I have a difficult childhood, lots of violence between my parents (which they deny!). I wonder if it’s linked? I also have bipolar and GAD.

Yes, I do it. Started around the age of 10-11. ‘Dancing’ (although it wasn’t dancing in the traditional sense) to music and living out daydreams in my head - often about boys I liked but not always.

People who say ‘doesn’t everyone do this’ - no, it’s like an addiction, you can’t pull yourself away from it, you do it for hours and hours, you’re late to commitments or you miss commitments because of it, you itch to go and do it, if anyone interrupts you then you feel irrationally furious with them.

Like a few other posters I had quite a difficult and lonely childhood and teenage years, and struggled with low self-esteem, and I think it arose as a coping mechanism. It was sort of like pretending I was someone else. I’ve felt less and less compulsion to do it as I’ve become more happy and stable in my life, and more confident in myself. Not saying it’s a negative thing for everyone though.

I do this too. I'm a SAHM and I find sometimes even though I'm looking after the kids my mind just wanders into fantasy land. When I was younger it was mainly focused on boys and celebrities. I think it's a symptom of being a natural introvert.
I think for me it is a coping mechanism when I have something missing from my life. I am quite content at the moment so I find myself doing it less and less and I'm living more in the present.

Oooo.. I definitely do this! I just thought I was really weird, it's nice to hear others do it too!

I even do the dancing, I like to go for long walks or runs and do it to. But sometimes I will talk to myself.

I do worry that I get too wrapped up in my fantasies and neglect real life. I didn't have a difficult childhood or anything but I suppose it was fairly lonely. I didn't have many friends and my parents were quite distant.

I think a lot of people do the daydream thing, complete with plots, conversations, and characters. I know I do. But I guess what makes it 'maladaptive' is when it interferes with your day to day obligations and personal relationships. Most of us who do it are able to carry on with whatever we're doing with it 'running in the background' or we can put it down and pick it up at 'appropriate' times.

Sounds like you either can't do that or you have serious trouble doing it? Maybe seeing a counselor might help? I'm no MH specialist, but could it be so hard to control because your day to day life is unhappy and so you're replacing it with a better one?

I used to do it a lot but I've stopped since having children and wanting to achieve something with my life. It hasn't been easy to stop it as it was my hiding place when things got too much in the real world. Or even just a nice way to unwind. Music was the one thing that could keep me daydreaming for hours so I don't listen to much music nowadays.

Yes I do a lot of dreaming but it's not maladaptive. I pick it up when I'm lying in bed at night or on a tedious journey or in a waiting room. I think it's a blessing really; I'm rarely bored. And I'm a writer, of sorts, so it's helpful for that.

I feel like I have found my people. I have always had this. As a child I would daydream all types of scenarios. As I hit puberty it became fantasy’s about musicians.

I used it during my darkest depths of depression.

I then developed a luminance. This is where I feel it’s become negative and positive. The thought that I could come in contact with this person (possible through work) and on paper I am their type apart from being very over weight (gained during depression) has spurred me on to lose weight,eat well and make my self attractive again. When I am alone I have vivid day dreams about my life with this person.

Wow my mind is blown. I thought it was just me! I struggled terribly with it as a child, spent most of my summers in my daydreams. I’d lose track of classes and the bell would go and I had no idea what the homework was.
One of my favourites was that we’d been put into a witness relocation programme and starting my school life all over again! I was bullied by exclusion.
Others were long involved sagas about my favourite boy group, or creating episodes of a tv show.
I’d go to bed early to have more time to be in my stories and I actually trained myself to wake up earlier than I needed as if the alarm woke me up I’d be grumpy if I didn’t get my morning fix.
It is like an addiction with a pleasurable rush when you settle into it. I cry and gesture and mouth the conversations if I’m on my own.
I put them to use now by focusing on a story I can write down but I struggle to keep up with myself and get it into words. Plus being knackered with young kids doesn’t help.

I only do it sometimes at night when going to sleep.

I had no idea there was a diagnostic name for this. I have always been this way. I usually manage to keep it under control at work but sometimes slip up when there's a brand-new scenario going on. Just yesterday a coworker asked if I was all right as I was staring blankly at my monitor for five minutes.

I am an avid knitter, and honestly part of the reason is that it's busywork for my hands that keeps my mind free for fantasy.

I really didn't know other people did this. It's kind of nice to know I'm not alone, or spectacularly odd.

My parents used to call it 'dancing'. Because I'd shut myself in somewhere with music playing and do all these movements whilst I was imagining things!

My life is not bad... in factnid say I'm very happy. It doesn't get any better when my life is settled I'm still doing it all the time! I wish I had the strength to avoid it... just because I feel like it effects my confidence and ability to succeed at anything. Why would I take a risk with anything when i could just sit and imagine it all so vividly?

What is a luminance @vividdaydreaming?

If I need to get anything done, even silly small things like loading the dishwasher a create a character for myself a slot myself into whatever story line works.
I get annoyed when I meet people with the same names as my characters as they've been carefully chosen not to represent real life!
It definitely helps calm me down and go to sleep, and it's only intrusive when I'm very depressed. Then I don't think it takes Freud to work out its pure escapism.
I wonder if there's a link with limerance? The creating a whole story about how life would be with someone you barely know?

I do this, I just thought I was a bit of a weirdo who never grew up properly. It's reassuring to see so many others do this.

It's been going on years, sometimes I have characters, themes and stories in my head that I run through.

Like others I've found I do it more when I'm stressed. It's like escapism. But weirdly, quite often my daydreams have Catherine Cookson esq hardships. But they endure and get through. Weird.

I just chalked myself up to being a weirdo. I've never told anyone I did it for that reason. Really nice to see its actually a "thing"

@vividdaydreaming I develop this type of thing as well in order to behave better... I always thought it was because of my religious upbringing! I liked the idea of a perfect being I could imagine in my head whom I could make myself perfect for!

I actually knew my husband for ten years before we got together. I knew it was all fantasy but on the day I met him in my head we were married and had children and had this whole life together. There were a few versions of the story running in my head... I had him as this ideal being in my mind that would comfort me. Whatever was happening in the day id pretend he was with me chatting to me about it.... so embarrassing to say! I did know it wasnt real.... but it made me feel invincible, like I had this endless unconditional love.

But it turned out that he actually had feelings for me! Was very frightening making that transition because I thought how could he ever live up to the version in my head? It was terrifying because I relied so much on the concept of him in my mind, I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it if things in reality went sour after a time....

It took some doing but it has translated into reality and now I really love him for who he actually is lol

Like I said I tried to explain to him about this... I think he was flattered but I'm not sure he gets the whole concept of it!

And yes some of my story lines are horrific... I've watched my younger brother be murdered by my father (I dont actually have any siblings!) I've nearly died in countless horrific scenarios.. it's really odd... they arent things I'd actually want to happen in real life.

I did this a lot as a child and teenager. Not sure when/why I stopped. I think it was when I left home.

Agree with pp I also try to make scenarios that fit with what I'm actually doing.
Don't want to say what they are exactly but if I'm cleaning it's part of the daydream etc.
Could you try that op? At least you might get something done. I even had one that incorporated my old job (I was undercover cringing saying that, sure you all get it though)

This probably isn't the same thing but.. does anyone daydream about things so much that when you actually achieve it you don't even feel good about it? Like you've already experienced the feelings of elation of completing whatever it was in your head so when it actually happens you feel nothing for it? Because it's already been and gone, albeit in your head

I used this as my survival technique to get through horrendous bullying when I was in a secondary school. I suspect that I am both on the Spectrum and ADHD- this type of daydreaming is very common in girls/ women with ADHD and we are about to begin the process of getting our dd assessed as we suspect that she too is Autistic and has ADHD- inattentive distractability type.

I haven’t actively pursued my imaginary ‘worlds’ in some time, although I am very distractable and can suddenly start thinking about something else half way through a conversation. My eyes were very much opened when I started my research on girls with ADHD and girls with Autism. We had thought that as long as our dd seemed to be coping, then we would support her from home without the invasiveness of seeking assessment. However she is showing signs of struggling socially (as well as every single point in the lists attached applying to her), so we have decided to seek a diagnosis.

I do this all the time!!

Just wondering if anyone else has really vivid story/movie like dreams as well? You know with an entire story plot?

I thought everyone dreamt as I do, but when discussing a dream with my DH he looked at me as if I was making it all up! He says his dreams are random clips of stuff that happened in the day or in the past where as mine are often linear often takes place in places I’ve never actually been (like space, on/near volcanoes, other towns or cities or in houses I’ve never lived in) with clear plots! For example I once dreamt about an alien invasion!!!

I do that too unfortunately. Sometimes I enjoy it but I also waste a lot of time because of it. I found Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) helpful, as it offers strategies to stay in the present rather than ‘living in your thoughts’

Wow I didn't know there was a name for this I thought I was really odd. I have hidden it from everyone and not even my husband knows. If I'm caught I pretend I'm just dancing around (I always do it to music).

I have had limerence it nearly ruined my life this is where the danger lies for me. These days I try to keep my dreaming to events that can never happen ie I have had a Harry Potter whole life with plots and events new characters for over ten years! I try to just create stories with famous people or tv shows/movies.

I need it to go to sleep. I carry on the dream from the night before so it changes slowly each time. I find it a comfort like a security blanket. It's my counting sheep if you will.

It is a danger to me I know if I can't stop it or it involves real people. I had a good "normal" childhood but my self esteem has been very low at times and I think I being able to have another life or several has helped my anxieties immensely. As with anything there are negatives and positives.