To ask if anyone on here suffers from mal adaptive daydreaming ? And would they like to talk about how it effects them and the things they do to deal with it?

[Ribbonsonabox]

Posting in AIBU rather than mental health because I know that some people do not see mal adaptive daydreaming as a problem and find it helps them.

I'd just like to hear of peoples positive stories about how they have dealt with it?

Its not something I can talk about much in real life because it's one of those things that people dont think exists unless they have it themselves. It's not widely researched.

I've always had it and I think it stems from having quite a difficult and lonely childhood during which I used it as a coping mechanism.... in my adult life though it has really held me back. It's like a compulsion that I cannot exert control over.

I wondered if anyone had had any success in controlling it?

DH said he can’t play songs in his head or imagine a storyline!

My dad looked really confused and said he can’t picture things in his head.

I lose myself in a story in boring meetings or when travelling.

Never knew there was a name for it but yes i do it. I hate it sometimes as it happens when driving or with someone and it can be obvious. Also sometimes when small things happen to my main character, i might smile duck trip etc as they do.

Any tips for controlling it? I used to write and it was not so bad but i have OCD and like pp suffered awful intrusive thoughts after dc birth and sometimes now.

I have always done this but I really challenge the term maladaptive. I had quite a lonely childhood followed by a long abusive marriage where the safest place was in my head and my daydreams are both enjoyable and soothing. I would not give them up.

I feel quite sorry for anyone who does't daydream! What on earth do they do whilst waiting for a bus for example? I can turn it on and off at will though sometimes begrudge doing so if I am having a particularly enjoyable daydream. I rarely watch TV as I'd rather daydream though I do read a lot.

I have a portfolio of favourite dreams some of which have been running for many years and have very detailed plots and characters which I revisit over and over again and fine tune or embellish. I constantly add new dreams too or drop some once I am bored with them.

I used to write but my marriage shattered my confidence so now I keep all the stories in my head.

I daydream quite a lot and have whole worlds that I disappear into. I have to do it in order to sleep most nights. I'm very much a bookish introvert who has very likely got inattentive ADHD but I can't get a diagnosis here unless I go private. It was very vivid at school; I would get into trouble for writing out the letters between my characters. I often join characters in a book.

I once asked my dad if he had a fantasy world that he disappeared into, in an effort to find out whether it was 'normal'. He said that he did, especially when walking the dog. However, given that he was also an introverted bookworm, probably not surprising.

I’ve done it for 30 years, and was as a result of difficult childhood friendships and a very dysfunctional family. It was and still is sometimes the only way I can get through difficult times without driving myself mad. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism? A survival tactic?

I do enjoy it, and yes, it has enabled me to write some lengthy novels.

Never knew it had a name. I have a sibling with ADHD and thought I was the same (but without the hyperactivity). I used to get into such trouble for ‘not being on this planet’. It definitely got worse the more negative my life was. These days I generally use it to help sleep, but I occasionally slip away unintentionally. Very difficult with two small children who demand full attention though!

If we were in the USA no doubt the healthcare industry would be raking in the money from us! We’d be prescribed drugs and therapy and neurological testing. Only if you have health insurance though.

Can you imagine going to an NHS GP with this?! 😂

I do this!
I make up scenarios with the same running theme: I basically come to rescue in one way or another, I have amazing knowledge or abilities or I’m the right person in the right place. Some sort of hero thing.

I think it comes from feeling rejected by my mother as a child. I should get therapy.

I do this alot. I used to only do it when listening to music and walking, but I do it almost all the time now.

Sometimes, when I'm walking, it's like i'm not actually me. I'm not actually in control of the movements. Other times it feels like i'm just watching.

It's one of the few things I like.

Believeitornot I do this with the hero complex thing too lol... Think it's to make up for feeling distinctly disappointing in real life. Relish the feeling of being important or special?... Maybe we should see the same therapist 😅

I do this. But not as extreme as you OP and not interfering too much with real life.
If you want to change this I have a few suggestions. But I don't know what you have tried already. I would suggest you allow yourself some completely guilt free fantasy time every day. Don't struggle with it or fight it, just complete indulgence. Try to reduce the amount of time you allow for this gradually over time. Use a fixed time of day where you do not need to do other important things, eg paying attention to loved ones. At other times focus on what you're actually doing using all of your senses . Mindfulness practice could help with this. (There are lots of resources out there for mindfulness or do a course.)
If you find it irresistible to fantasise when you actually intended to do something else, try to notice what you are getting out of the fantasy. What emotional state are you trying to achieve. eg revenge, admiration, adoration, being looked after. This increase awareness of the function of the fantasy could help you to step back from it a bit.
Think about what you would like to be doing with your life and what kind of person you want to be. Take a small step towards this each day.

I had an unhappy childhood and did a lot of this! However once I started being engaged at university and in my career it sort of slowly stopped. I haven’t done it for years and not sure I could now if I wanted too. I feel much less creative now than I did then.

Oh my god... I never realised this had a name... I do this. I know the characters inside our. I've made big family trees and all sorts. I tell myself that if I wrote it in a book rather than just thinking it I'd be considered an academic, so it can't be that weird surely! But it totally makes me feel down about my real life.

I have adhd and asd and i do this too. Always have done since about 8 or 9. I also had a stressful childhood..and at times an unpleasant one so escaping to a fantasy world was my escape from what was going on.

I still do it. Washing up. Driving. At work. Walking. And at night before i fall aaleep. My dp does it too and admitted he zones out and misses conversations. He also talks and whistlesto himself and doesnt realise hes doing it out loud which gets a bit embarrassing he says as the looks in work he gets are funny.

It's something I did when I was younger. I had a whole massive family, in my head, then gained livers, male and female, in my teens.

It resurfaced when I was finding life difficult with my ex but vanished when I left him, apart from the odd day when I get lost in my head, usually corresponding to having slept badly. I had terrible sleep when I was experiencing it in the past so I'm not quite sure where the cause and effect lie.

One of my dc has Adhd and we're a pretty neuro diverse family, as a whole, which may be related.

Wow, so glad I saw this thread, I never realised it had a name. I go into my daydreaming all the time and began writing a book of the world I created a few years ago. I think it also stems from being a very lonley teen/young adult and was very detrimental when I was studying my second year of uni as I just couldnt focus during lectures. Now as I have more going on in my life with dh and especially dc I can't go into it as much and miss the deep sense of emotions I got with it, sometime literally crying because of a scenario I made up in my head.

I recognise so much of this. Not the limerence but pretty much everything else.

I've done this for as long as I can remember. I had a lonely childhood and was a single parent after an abusive relationship. I have trouble maintaining friendships too. I'd rather read and dream.

I also use it to help me sleep. Always have.

I've written a series of 13 novels and one Trilogy off the back of it. Those were my "long running dreams" but I also have a lot of short term ones too.

I can't imagine being any other way. My DH must be a saint.

I've been doing this all my life - I also dance whilst doing it! When I was a young teenager I would ride round in circles on my bike, we had a large paved garden, and get lost in the story in my head for hours.

I'm an only child and was quite lonely.

I've been developing the same story ever since- there have been "off-shoots" with minor characters and also a post-apocalyptic version, but usually the same main characters.

I was doing it less through my 20s and 30s, but it's come back more than ever over the last couple of years - I've been through a few stressful situations and it's helped me to cope.

I've been quite depressed recently and so have the people in my head - I'm trying to get my imagination to cheer them up a bit in the hope that I'll follow!

I daydream for hours every day.
I have full-on one-sided coversations. I find it cathartic.

People who say ‘doesn’t everyone do this’ - no, it’s like an addiction, you can’t pull yourself away from it, you do it for hours and hours, you’re late to commitments or you miss commitments because of it, you itch to go and do it, if anyone interrupts you then you feel irrationally furious with them.

^completely agree
I have this too, OP
I didn’t have the greatest childhood, selective mutism as a child, I’ve been bullied throughout life, and have social anxiety.
Sometimes it gets really bad but because I’m so ‘deep’ stuck inside the fantasy world I forget the importance of reality - e.g. failing to take uni exams seriously, can’t be bothered to socialise

I do not day dream at all. All the vivid fantasy worlds sound fascinating! I think I don’t even have an imagination. I never imagined getting married or what my perfect dress would look like, I remember people being shocked I didn’t!

I do this and pretty sure DD does too which is odd as I thought mine was a result of a horrific childhood and DD isn't experiencing anything like I did.

My user name says it all! I had no idea it was so common, I always thought I am just a bit weird. I have lived my whole life like this. I have endless other lives I can call on and spend far too much time doing so.
I'm wondering now, do I do this because real life is so boring or have I made real life boring by doing this??!

Well real life can be boring can’t it? As we’re not rich celebrity types, we have to do repetitive tasks and deal with the same things every day, like our kids’ arguments.
If I didn’t imagine stuff I think the daily grind of life would depress me.