To ask if anyone on here suffers from mal adaptive daydreaming ? And would they like to talk about how it effects them and the things they do to deal with it?

[Ribbonsonabox]

Posting in AIBU rather than mental health because I know that some people do not see mal adaptive daydreaming as a problem and find it helps them.

I'd just like to hear of peoples positive stories about how they have dealt with it?

Its not something I can talk about much in real life because it's one of those things that people dont think exists unless they have it themselves. It's not widely researched.

I've always had it and I think it stems from having quite a difficult and lonely childhood during which I used it as a coping mechanism.... in my adult life though it has really held me back. It's like a compulsion that I cannot exert control over.

I wondered if anyone had had any success in controlling it?

I have this but I've channeled it into creative writing

I think I do this. I have a story line going that has aspects of characters from Disney stories and the cirque du freak series by Darren Shan. I'm a main character but as myself. I'm stronger and more outspoken than I am in real life. I keep coming back to that story and I began it about fifteen or so years ago. I find myself making facial expressions as if I was actually in the story.

This is fascinating. I thought it was just me and my strangeness.

I do this (I think this is what it is) when I can't sleep (most nights). I lose myself in it and find it so reassuring, comforting and it helps me block out all the other worries that ping around my mind all night.

Yes, I do this. To a much lesser extent since an abusive relationship though. I sometimes feel he 'ruined' it for me.
I was a lonely child, brought up mainly by my GPs as DM worked a lot and DF was in and out as it suited him.
It was really bad when I had PND, DD is from a short relationship and I was single for around 12 years after having her, it was a constant feature then, I was lonely and depressed for much of that time and it did help me cope with that I think. My tic is stroking my thumb on my forefinger.
It usually 'developed' around a fictional character from books, TV or film and went from there.
When I met abusive ex and we started a relationship it stopped, dead. And now 4 years later it's starting to return, but I have much more control now. Initially when things were starting to go wrong in that relationship, I tried to do it as some self comfort and I couldn't, my mind just wouldn't. It was a bit distressing tbh because I've always used it as a coping mechanism but I had to face the reality of that situation head on with no respite from it and that was incredibly hard.
It was definitely linked to limerance, I've always developed huge and consuming crushes and the dreaming was all around that. The limerance is now far calmer, I have a small (but more 'normal' I think) crush on someone now which is leading to daydreaming, but it's not compulsive, it's something I do in downtime, and controlled. Wierdly all my dreams have had 'rules' that I have to stick to - I've wondered why when obviously I am making all this up so it's strange I impose these rules that reflect the 'real' me and cannot be broken.
I'm glad it's not just me, I really thought it was.

I do this. Lovely to see so many of us. I do it when I am trying to sleep.

This is amazing, so interesting to read what you all experience. I don't even daydream, let alone vivid, immersive daydreams. I've recently discovered I have aphantasia though, which would probably explain it.

I’ve done this for years - so glad other people do it too!

@MotherFirkinShirtBalls that's very interesting! What happens when you read books? Can you still enjoy it?

I've found my tribe. I had no idea it was so common, or that it had a name... I was always said to be "dans la lune" (literally "on the moon"-no idea what you'd say in English?) as a child... (I have a French-speaking mother).

Mine is very strong falling asleep, to the extent that I can't fall asleep without it. It's also much more intense when listening to music. I have playlists created to fit all my favourite stories. Anyone else?

I also have a tic.

I have to watch it though, because although I mainly enjoy it, if I'm being disturbed, I'm not pleasant at all. And with twins, I'm often interrupted... Anybody else gets snappy when interrupted?

Thank you so much OP for writing about it. I'm going to read more about it.

Like a lot of people here, I have always daydreamed. With that, I talk to myself, my face changes expression when I walk down the street, so people probably think I'm weird. My daughters sometimes notice, which is embarrassing. I wish I could be more in control of it.
I either imagine myself as a successful sportswoman having affairs, or I make up conversations in my head with people I know.
I had a very lonely isolated childhood and that stays with you I think.
I've also had problems with obsessive thoughts and ruminating.
I tend to be emotionally distant but I try not to be like that with my daughters.
Basically an overactive brain which sadly I haven't been able to channel into something creative like writing, as some here are fortunate to do.

Yes I get very annoyed if interrupted.. which is difficult with children and part of why I'd like to learn to reign it in!

I am very jealous of people who can channel this into an art like writing, drawing or acting

I am diagnosed with TS and adhd and the daydreaming really is the biggest part of my day. I'm not sure I'd change it though - but I would say there's a downside when sometimes i don't feel content with what is really going on in life

I've had loads of limerance issues too, though not at the moment. I live too much in my head.

@Ribbonsonabox I've started being able to control it when my twins started pre-school a few sessions a week and I had a bit of alone time to day dream. I always thought it was because I was an introvert that I needed to retreat in my head like that but clearly it's not just that.

I wish I could channel it into something creative too but sadly, I'm not the creative type at all, except in my head.

@MotherForkinShirtBalls I'd really like to read about your experience when you read a book, if it's not upsetting to you.

I have the opposite problem: whenever I read a book or watch a movie, I imagine one of my plot lines and characters in the story. I can essentially read two books at once and imagine two scenes at once. Anybody else like that?

PS: I've had an epiphany tonight...

I find this absolutely fascinating. I daydream - I think most people do - but not to the extent of being able to keep it going over years and years. I think ot just shows how amazing human brains can be.

I used to daydream or pretend things a lot more when I was younger - I think there was a lot less filling my brain . I used to pretend to be on cooking shows when baking and when doing a jigsaw I would pretend I was in some kind of interrogation where I had to get the right piece first time or be killed . I used to talk to myself all the time.

In a way I feel a bit sad that I have lost a lot of that side of me. I guess work/partner/child doesn't leave much room for daydreams but I do feel a lot less creative somehow.

@Wrongdissection A limerence is almost like an obsession usually romantically with someone. It can be really disruptive in your life.

@Ribbonsonabox I had a really happy childhood however I was always put on a pedestal I.e I was always the brightest in my class, always the most musically talent and as I got to my teens very attractive. I was always told I would be someone special / do something amazing as an adult. Not just by my parents but teachers, friends parents etc

I now use daydreaming as a way to leave my very mediocre life. On paper I have a great job, a good relationship etc but to me it isn’t enough. I want more. It’s horrible in a way. But by the same hand as I said before Inhavw started day dreaming stuff then make plans to make it happen which is really positive.

My people! Hello!

I also have this and have done since I was about 9 or 10. It's a long running soap opera and by now I have a whole other lifetime of "memories" and a cast of 100+ characters.

I use it to get me to sleep at night - it forces my brain from stewing on real issues and relaxes me to fall asleep.

I have vivid sleep dreams that are often conscious (I know I am dreaming in the dream and can wake myself up if I don't like it).

I occassionally have moments of 'clarity' in which I think "I am fucking weird" but mostly I find it useful and comforting. It has got me through some really tough times too; like a reliable friend who is always with me.

I used to skip up and down the house with a flicky bookmark as a child when I was making up a story.

I spend a lot of time in my head but I’m a writer so it doesn’t bother me. I do it more when I’m feeling dissatisfied with normal life.

I also have very vivid dreams!

Metua yes to the playlist thing! I love music and when something really gets my attention it gets immediately incorporated into my daydreams.

I feel like so much less of a freak on this thread

I used to do this a hell of a lot as a child and as a teenager. My grades were shocking because I spent the whole day in a world of my own. I find I still slip into it now when my mood is low - I have a range of scenarios that I can slide into and escape from reality. But when I’m busy and happy, I rarely do it.

This is amazing! I have done this my whole life and never knew there was a name for it. I also think I have limerences (although they are never romantic, I just become very interested in every aspect of this person or character's life). I had quite a lonely childhood as I was badly bullied and back then I couldn't control my daydreaming which was a massive part of my life. As an adult, it's something that I can manage and that helps me deal with stress. I think it was in my early twenties when the balance tipped and I realised it was something that had become valuable to me and that I didn't want to stop doing it.

This is so interesting, I didn't realise this had a name. I used to like to daydream and could while away hours just thinking but I wouldn't say I did it to the extent described on this thread. I can completely understand how it would be a problem. I loved imaginary games/stories as a child but as an adult I'd say that this has morphed into anxiety/running over scenarios, rather than anything nice on the whole. I've tried hard to stop compulsively rerunning things/worrying and had forgotten about daydreaming.

Ribbonsonabox, MetuaVahine, I love reading but I don't have any pictures in my mind when I read. I feel the emotions and the sense of the story, but no images. It's not particularly upsetting, I'd never heard of aphantasia until last month and I never knew anyone had a "real" mind's eye. If I'm thinking of something I can get a vague sense of its image (eg I know what an apple looks like so I can "imagine" one and I can get an "echo" image of a face of someone I know), but I can't imagine abstract or unfamiliar things. I'm also quite bad at creative writing, although I don't know if that's connected.

As a small bonus, dh has finally accepted there's a reason I'm shit at map reading