To ask if anyone on here suffers from mal adaptive daydreaming ? And would they like to talk about how it effects them and the things they do to deal with it?

[Ribbonsonabox]

Posting in AIBU rather than mental health because I know that some people do not see mal adaptive daydreaming as a problem and find it helps them.

I'd just like to hear of peoples positive stories about how they have dealt with it?

Its not something I can talk about much in real life because it's one of those things that people dont think exists unless they have it themselves. It's not widely researched.

I've always had it and I think it stems from having quite a difficult and lonely childhood during which I used it as a coping mechanism.... in my adult life though it has really held me back. It's like a compulsion that I cannot exert control over.

I wondered if anyone had had any success in controlling it?

It's like a film running in my head. It's similar when I read a book, I see the characters and action in my mind. With the stories I tell myself, sometimes I might focus on one scene, playing it over and over, sometimes I'll jump ahead. Sometimes I'll go over the same part again, but change things - 'what if this happened instead of that'. Or sometimes it plays out in ways I didn't expect.

I do this all the time, I didn't realise it was a "thing"! It's helped me get through some very tough times.

Never heard this term before, so thank you.
I’ve been doing it since I was about 5. It has been, and continues to be, a lifelong coping strategy.

This is me and not sure I could be without it. It's why I like living alone though and think it could get in the way and has done in the past

I’m another one who had no idea that this had a name! I’ve done this since early teens and most commonly at bedtime to fall asleep although there was a time about 8 years ago when I was stressed with work/having small DC’s and I would do it almost constantly during the day. It really got in the way of my normal life and was an issue for a while but it passed. I definitely find myself doing it more when life is difficult or stressful and I think it helps me. I’m also sure that DD1 does it too.

I found out about synesthesia being a ‘thing’ about 5 years ago and hadn’t realised before that that not everyone views days of the weeks as colours, can visualise time etc (some people taste colours etc but mine isn’t like that.) I wondered if my vivid daydreaming is somehow related as I don’t think it’s something everyone can do and is maybe down to how your brain is wired.

Finally, people who get it!

My DC were playing up earlier & DH had to deal with them because I was too busy getting proposed to by a famous comedian. I turned him down we make great friends but I don't think we quite gel in that way but it would've been rude to interrupt his speech to deal with reality. If DH hadn't been around I'd have asked him to wait a minute while I sorted them out but I'd have been extra frustrated with the DC. He's still a bit fragile from when his wife left him & I've been trying to support him - ditching him while he was baring his soul could've been really bad.

This is all totally normal & sane, right?!

The bonus is I'm literally never bored! Hours by myself is heaven.

No ribbons not always focused. I often 'drift away' but it will be random thoughts, wonderings, running possible conversations in my head that go on. I never stop talking in my head from the moment I wake up!

So jealous of all these awake visualisations, I cannot comprehend it and it sounds totally amazing. If you ask me to visualise a tree I can't. I can describe it in my head with words but I cannot see it.

Yes so weird that I see in my dreams. I'm grateful for that and am quite a prolific dreamer.

The author of girls' stories E. J. Oxenham had a character called Mary Devine who spent too much time in a fantasy world. She broke out of it because she met new people who introduced her to new interests - specifically country dancing, which combined physical exercise with having to think about what she was doing. Then she channelled her daydreams into writing fiction and became a successful novelist

That's what I thought of too. It's one of Abbey School books.

I do this at night to help me sleep. It calms my mind to concentrate on my story

I don't think putting yourself in a story to help you to get to sleep is remotely the same. That's just a more imaginative way of counting sheep (I have tried putting all the characters in Wuthering Heights in chronological order or birth, marriage and dearh) You're not opting out of real life, nor is it getting in the way of reality. I think comparing the "counting sheep" scenario to what the OP has described is trivialising her experience

This is a fascinating thread. As a child I constantly made up stories using toys, drawing parts of the story, then writing them as I got older. It was fascinating and absorbing and I nearly crashed the car once as I was so involved in an intense scenario. I also did it when waitressing in my holidays as I was bored but I realise i stopped doing it as my real life became more interesting. It was never anything like as intense or detailed as you are describing though. I do rehash a lot of conversations in my head though and find I’m muttering aloud which my family find irritating! I’m interested to know if those who have become writers find that as satisfying?

I always assumed everyone did this - when they had time. What else do people think about on long journeys, when doing repetitive mindless jobs?

I’ve done it all my life. Less so these days as I don’t have so much time - husband and child. I’ve never thought of it as s bad thing, although there have probably been times when I’ve overdone it and I can see that it could take over a bit too much.

I’d say I had a ‘normal’ happy childhood, but I have always enjoyed my own company (more daydreaming time). I also have very vivid (and weird according to my husband) night time dreams.

. I do rehash a lot of conversations in my head though and find I’m muttering aloud which my family find irritating

I thought everybody did that. Then I discovered that my DH and one of the children don’t, the other child does.

Did anyone else used to make up elaborate stories about the characters they were drawing or colouring in as a child? I remember it being one of my favourite things to do. I am a Nanny so find myself colouring now with the kids and I go a bit into it again. I feel sad that the children I look after clearly don't. One of them does make up narratives though for sure!

What about watching TV shows and movies? I would get utterly invested in the storyline to the point I wrote myself in or I would make up my own versions of what was happening. I still do to an extent but as a child I absolutely could not watch with other people as they would get in the way of this!! Lol

Finding this thread fascinating. As someone who has never done this and actually struggles to imagine things, I'm just in awe of how much capacity you have for remembering things and keeping stories and characters going for years.
I try and imagine myself being filmed for a tv show if I have to do something I'm daunted by ie public speaking. In my head I think I'll perform better if I think I'm being watched by millions of viewers, but I can never keep it up for long.
It's been a genuinely eye opening thread.

I have done this since I was a child though it's only recently I heard the term maladaptive daydreaming. I started as an escape mechanism due to living in an abusive household. Like many on this thread for a long time I assumed everyone did it.

When I have an intensive episode the compulsion is so strong that I go into a sort of hibernation mode and can barely get out of bed or function because I am so engulfed by this other world in my head. These days this only happens when I am triggered by something particularly stressful, most of the time it is less severe and doesn't have as big a negative impact on my life as if used to. For the most part I have learned to manage it.

Mainly I've had a lot of therapy and come to see it as a coping mechanism that can be replaced by other things or the need for it reduced by using grounding techniques. I do think it's important to think about why you do it and address the causes of this need for an escape. This doesn't mean you've had a classic traumatic childhood or anything, but there is something that is pushing you to live in another world rather than the real one.

Like others on this thread I started writing, both journalling for MH reasons and fiction as a channel for the dreams. I now use my dreams to explore and develop plots for my writing and turning it into a tool has helped me feel I have more control over it rather than it being something I was controlled by.

I do also have other complex MH issues. I experience visual distortions and see things others don't. I experience intense derealization and depersonalisation. Last year I had an episode of psychosis. I see all these and my dreaming as coming from a need to escape the trauma of my childhood by disconnecting from reality.

What about watching TV shows and movies? I would get utterly invested in the storyline to the point I wrote myself in or I would make up my own versions of what was happening.

Do you know about fanfiction? There's a huge amount of fiction, written by fans, about characters in books, films and tv series. (Much of it decidedly adult rated, taking the characters in directions the original author would never have envisaged!) Check out the website Archive Of Our Own, otherwise AO3.

A lot of it is dire, but some is very good.

Didn't 50 shades of grey start off as a Twilight fan fiction?

Yes but I'm not interested in fan fiction as it's not my own. I actually wrote some when I was a teenager though lol

I do this and always have - mine is very like mental fan fiction with a few different fictional worlds. Recently it’s definitely tending towards a maladaptive version though; I work from home and have lost hours to daydreaming and have become more obsessed with the characters than ever before - probably something to do with being alone for longer periods of time.

I get annoyed when interrupted and I would rather dream than talk to people sometimes, and I am often made late by it. I put my head at a certain angle and kind of unfocus my eyes!

Yes I also do this.

In common with some PPs I had a horribly dysfunctional childhood with an abusive mother.

I am also dyspraxic, but not sure if that is a common theme?

I love having somewhere to escape too. I much prefer the people in my head to most of the real people I have to deal with (aside from DC and my cat)

This is one of the most interesting posts I've ever read on Mumsnet. DH has occasionally alluded to 'trying to live more in the present' but wasn't really able to explain what he meant so I've never given it much headspace. He's something of a closed book to me in many ways.

Forwarded him this thread and he went quiet for a few hours and then wrote back 'yes- this is me'.

On further discussion he believes it's helped him in life- one of his escapes is spending hours imagining various scenarios for say a meeting the next day. Says he finds it relaxing. (Yes he had something of a neglectful upbringing, also always thought he has undiagnosed ADHD).

I’ve had a daydream/scenario type thing about a character since I was a child. Her whole life, extended family members, her husband and children everything. She doesn’t exist except in my mind -
I have her voice in my head from time to time and daydream about her and what she’s doing but not to the point that it takes over my life. I’ve never told anyone about this as it makes me feel like an absolute nutter but reading all these responses has made me feel less crazy!

I also talk to myself a lot in different accents but I only do that when nobody else is in the house...I find it oddly relaxing and I don’t know why

This is facinating, I think I do this. I was an early reader, used to spend hours reading, army brat so moved around a lot, always the new kid, bullied. Father distant and quite strict. I've done it since about 10 I think? Also limerance, heavily involved with that, mine are always about people, situations, sometimes bad ones. I don't think it interferes, I do it practically every night, more when my limerance object, who dies have dome feelings for me, is talking to me more, that kicks it off bug time. I always had trouble sleeping, stress affects me badly, so maybe it's my way of coping. Also the music thing, I never realised other people do that, music can make me go into a whole other world. I can also play whole songs, albums in my head, I thought everyone could?
It's like these are all things along the spectrum of obsessive behaviour.
The comments about having to be careful about actually voicing conversations etc, I do that...