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To be upset no-one came?

(182 Posts)
anoelbthuthdy Mon 31-Dec-18 10:02:40

It's my birthday today, a big one. I don't live in the UK anymore but decided to throw a party back home to celebrate this milestone, with drinks, food and entertainment laid on. I invited people months in advance (with occasional reminders in between), and organised it on Sat just gone as that was the day most people could make. So we travel 500km, kids in tow, the evening comes and... 3 people turn up. 3. A few people did message that they/their kids were ill, but plenty of others simply didn't show. It was, quite frankly, humiliating.

AIBU to be gutted that no-one bothered to come? For context, I have thrown a couple of birthday parties over the years that were also poorly attended but those were on NYE itself, so I purposely avoided that this time. And this was a milestone birthday. sad

Childrenofthesun Mon 31-Dec-18 10:05:16

Yanbu. How rude and inconsiderate of everyone. I normally don't like to cause a fuss but in this instance I would message everyone and tell them what trouble you went to and how hurtful it was they didn't attend

curlykaren Mon 31-Dec-18 10:05:27

Ah no. People can be so shit. I'm sorry X🌻🌻🌻

Crazyladee Mon 31-Dec-18 10:05:46

That's awful OP I would be gutted. How many people were invited?

I know how you feel as it happened to me once on NYE. The humiliation in front of the few people who did show expecting a huge turnout was awful.

So no, YANBU.

MyGastIsFlabbered Mon 31-Dec-18 10:06:52

Happy birthday OP. I had the same thing happen over the summer. Have vowed no more parties for me. People are shit and rude sometimes.

Hoppinggreen Mon 31-Dec-18 10:07:34

I’m sorry to hear that OP
However, in between Xmas and NY can be tricky as people really can’t be bothered and what to chill out. They shouldnt have accepted in the first place though
Also, I, sorry to say that if you’ve moved abroad people may have kind of moved on a bit and you are no longer in their immediate thoughts. Sorry if that sounds awful but a lot of friendships are based on geography and if they don’t see you regularly then you may not be in their thoughts either

Howmanysleepstilchristmas Mon 31-Dec-18 10:13:28

I’m sorry. Happy birthday for today 🥂🎁

flossietoot Mon 31-Dec-18 10:16:11

That is really rubbish. I would be very upset too.

DisplayPurposesOnly Mon 31-Dec-18 10:17:03

That's awful for you. They are beyond rude. I'd be reconsidering my relationship with anyone that didn't turn up without sending an (reasonable) apology.

Happy birthday flowerswine🎂

Nothisispatrick Mon 31-Dec-18 10:17:32

Sorry op that’s horrible. I’ve never actually had a birthday party since I was young child as this is one of my worst fears.

GreenTulips Mon 31-Dec-18 10:19:10

You should’ve put up a FB message for attendees!!

Sod them all

Have a good day and enjoy those who male the effort X

Dangerousplan Mon 31-Dec-18 10:20:36

How horrible and disappointing. You are amazing and generous throwing a big bash and putting in all effort, and they really dont deserve you as a friend. I wonder if there's a bit of envy there that you have forged a new life i another country. People can be very resentful of success.

Anyway sod them. Happy birthday for your milestone btw.

Show the ones who came lots of love.

SuchAToDo Mon 31-Dec-18 10:20:41

Oh my god, that's awful...had all those people actually told you they were coming and then just didn't show up?...shock

brizzledrizzle Mon 31-Dec-18 10:21:06

Unfortunately some people are like that, it's horrible.

Neolara Mon 31-Dec-18 10:21:21

That rubbish. I'm sorry. As others have said, the time between Xmas and New year is a very tricky time to throw a party as most people will have family commitments that take them away from home. I've given this a lot of thought over the years as one of my dcs has a birthday a few days after Xmas and we've experimented with lots of different party dates. Last year, dc had their party in June.

LadyWithLapdog Mon 31-Dec-18 10:21:29

Do you cut ties with everyone or forgive and move on? Don’t let it spoil your day. Focus on yourself and your family as that’s all that matters. Happy birthday!

Lemoneeza Mon 31-Dec-18 10:21:57

People think it's perfectly reasonable to not show up for things because "self care". Selfish dicks. Happy birthday flowers

redexpat Mon 31-Dec-18 10:22:53

I've experienced this. You focus your attention on the 3 who turned up flowers

leamaria Mon 31-Dec-18 10:23:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reccy2018 Mon 31-Dec-18 10:24:04

My birthday is between Christmas and nee year and this happened on my 9th birthday. Invited my whole class, and 3 people turned up. I said never again! I held by 30th a month after to avoid having a party at the end of December.

I really feel for you, it's awful. Big hugs xx

Ginger1982 Mon 31-Dec-18 10:25:39

That is really shit. This is why I don't do things like this for my birthday. I once organised a night out with a few friends for a random birthday and they were all over an hour late. I stood around in a bar by myself and felt like crap thanks

krustykittens Mon 31-Dec-18 10:25:53

I am so sorry, OP, that is such a shit thing to do to you. I have had this happen to me, bought food in, the lot. I won't do it again, it is too humiliating and expensive. I hope you had a good birthday, though.

Badwifey Mon 31-Dec-18 10:25:56

That's really shitty op. I had a small get together a few years back for my 30th. My family showed but only 1 of my friends. More of my DH friends showed up which was embarrassing.

I wouldn't do as someone suggested by sending a text. I'd try let it go but I'd make absolutely no effort with those who said they would go but didn't show.

As for the others who did turn up. They too will probably be angry on your behalf.

CoraPirbright Mon 31-Dec-18 10:27:05

That’s really shit OP - I am so sorry. We were asked to a birthday party this year on 29th but, knowing that we would be knackered from a big Christmas, we politely declined.

I do hope you didn’t lose a load of money on caterers etc?

I would be sorely tempted to send out a mass email to say that it was a big birthday, you paid for flights, venue, caterers etc and they couldnt be bothered to turn up - well fuck them and don’t bother to contact you again.

Honestly, what bastards.

Notatallobvious Mon 31-Dec-18 10:28:22

I won’t be having any more parties for this reason. At my last milestone birthday I organised a party, people did turn up but it really annoyed me that some people went to the pub first and showed up at 10pm, others came early and left to go to the pub after, I just felt like I wasn’t important enough for them to commit to a whole evening. For future birthdays I’ll just be going away for a nice short break! Sorry you went through this, it’s shit!

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