To be upset no-one came?

[anoelbthuthdy]

It's my birthday today, a big one. I don't live in the UK anymore but decided to throw a party back home to celebrate this milestone, with drinks, food and entertainment laid on. I invited people months in advance (with occasional reminders in between), and organised it on Sat just gone as that was the day most people could make. So we travel 500km, kids in tow, the evening comes and... 3 people turn up. 3. A few people did message that they/their kids were ill, but plenty of others simply didn't show. It was, quite frankly, humiliating.

AIBU to be gutted that no-one bothered to come? For context, I have thrown a couple of birthday parties over the years that were also poorly attended but those were on NYE itself, so I purposely avoided that this time. And this was a milestone birthday.

Sorry to hear about that, selfish of people to say they'll go and then not turn up. Must have been the time of year with Christmas etc. :( Happy Birthday anyway!

I know this is rubbish for you - but I honestly think most people don’t like parties.
And
don't think expecting people not to change plans is realistic over the festive season.

Well I’m sorry but Christmas happens every year.
If you dint like parties, you say you can’t come. Not yes and then not turn up.
I’d you aren’t sure because plans are changing, you say Maybe and then confirm yes or no before the party. You dint just not turn up.

This Is unbelievably rude.

I also think it is symptomatic (seen the number of answers along the lines of ‘yes but you shouod have known it would happen because cxxx) of the type of relationships we have now. A better offer arrives so we seem to be happy to just let people down to go with that better offer. A bit tired by the festive season and want a break? No problem, I’ll just not turn up. 😡😡😡

really sorry for you OP I’ve had a similar experience, although a minor birthday. Flew from France to Auckland NZ to visit family, then went to Christchurch for the night (Saturday in April). Gave six months notice, lots of Facebook posts about departing France, stopover etc, how excited I was to see everyone... Six out of 30 turned up. Ended up donating a lot of food to a local homeless shelter. Yet plenty of the no shows had no shame before or after asking for free accommodation when they’re in Europe. It’s always inconvenient for us to host now
I’ve never bothered having a party again.

Every party I’ve ever organized no one came xxx I’m dreading doing Birthdays for dd I’d be heartbroken if no one came x

Ah, so tough, sorry OP

Time to focus on your new friends now, I guess

Oh no OP, that is really rubbish. Sorry that happened.

Though, since you don't live in the UK maybe If other things did come up they put them first. I have a lot of friends who have moved abroad and I only hear from occasionally / when they are over. It's hard to put those friendships as a priority as they are generally not there for me the rest of the time or been present in my life for a long while . I love them, but I would put my current social circle and family first - the people who are there for me Day In day out. Life moves on. If you decide not to be there, don't be surprised when ppl don't show up for you.

It is tricky, they are rude but I’ve had a big birthday this year and was invited to some parties for people who I went to school with but never see, just felt they were trying to have more attendees. I politely declined though. Happy birthday. 🙂

How shit

Happy Birthday! Have a wonderful year.💐

This is truly awful and rude of your ‘friends’.
I’d distance myself from those who did not come and were not really ill.

I also have a birthday this week, I make sure the day is about ME! ( I’m not usually like this, but my birthday was all but ignored, as a child.)

When I have a significant birthday I make sure it’s special for DH and I by planning a New Year trip somewhere, rather than spending money on a party.
Spoil yourself in future.

Happy birthday OP! Another one on the receiving end of ‘out of sight out of mind’ here having moved away this year.
It’s all very well saying ‘life moves on’ but the OP is clearly trying to be there and stay involved as much as she can. It works both ways - I’ll remember the friends who have bothered to ask how I am since I’ve left. The rest are clearly geography-first friends who can barely be bothered to reply to texts.

Sorry this happened OP.

Happy birthday to you, and to all the rest of you with Christmas/New Year birthdays xxx

YANBU. Some people are just rude lazy bastards. All I seem to hear about is flaky people crying off social engagements and letting people down at the last minute. OK I know things like illness can happen but there just seems so much of it these days, it’s rude and unfair. Makes me glad I’m an anti social git and never throw parties

I hate this so much, and I'm sorry it happened to you. I don't understand why people don't see that an invitation is a someone doing something nice for you and you should say yes or no ASAP (don't people realise how bad saying 'I don't know I'll have to see' sounds?!) and if someone invites you later to something, you don't throw them over.

I have also been to some big birthdays where the host's reminded everyone and very few people have turned up. So selfish.

I've mostly stopped doing birthdays because I got tired of inviting 20 people to drinks, 12 people saying they'll come and then 2 actually turning up, though luckily on my big birthday last year people did turn up (after some anxiety). So you're not alone.

I think people just assume that it doesn't matter if they don't come, without thinking other people may think the same, and without considering the feelings and efforts of the person they're blowing out.

I think people just assume that it doesn't matter if they don't come, without thinking other people may think the same, and without considering the feelings and efforts of the person they're blowing out.

Absolutely agree. You see it on MN about children's parties all the time too.
All the excuses about time of year, people busy etc are nonsense. It's lack of consideration for others, pure and simple.

Often people will last minute stay home when they would have had a good time had they turned up. It is so rude

Especially if you paid a lot for it

I like the pp idea of using that money to go on a holiday instead next time

All the posters saying what do you expect given the time of year - do you realise how that makes those of us with Christmas birthdays feel? We are expected to celebrate everyone else's birthdays yet when it's our turn it's inconvenient and we just need to suck it up?

It's just plain rude and ill mannered to accept an invitation and then not turn up.

If they had rsvp-ed and said they’d attend then that’s incredibly poor form and terrible manners! Doesn’t matter the time of year

Happy Birthday op! As a pp said be busy when they try to invite themselves to yours for a cheap holiday or their kids are passing through on their gap year.

My birthday hits a bank holiday and I get the same not sure what we are doing, yes-maybe-on second thoughts. People are worried that the party they went to wasn't the best one on Instagram so don't go to any. They have lost sight of a party being a celebration of someone or thing....not an opportunity to demonstrate that they are awesome! to random strangers on the internet who in all likelihood are hairy arsed truckers in their skiddy trollies.

This is why I don't throw parties for my kids because they always attend any they are invited to . But one of mine attended a party for his class mate going fancy dress. In fact my 5 yr old had a class maids party early afternoon 12- 2 and his older brother had another 2-6 different venue over town. The first was well attended 25 plus the second one my son and the boys cousins 12 class mates didn't bother attending or even phone the poor boy who had autism like my son was sat there looking at the door waiting no one else came . I was gutted for him and his mum was just holding back the tears. I would fear that happening to mine so we go out 6 of them any way so a ready party anyway and then movie Pizza Hut job done.

Sounds like this event was organised via Facebook? I don’t think everybody takes FB events seriously. I certainly don’t. It’s so easy to click ‘attending’ with half hearted intentions of going then forget about it. Maybe next time do proper invites...

Happy birthday though. I hope you’re feeling better

Happy birthday to all those who suffer with end of year birthdays! You matter too!

I would be absolutely gutted too OP.

Dear OP, I am so glad you had a lovely time anyway (and I hope you posted it all over social media, even if you aren't normally that type of person.

This horrible situation has done you a massive hidden favour. Every person who didn't turn up without telling you in advance is a freeloading shitbag.

Dump the shitbags (block them totally, on every media).

Open up your friendship 'room' by chucking out time-wasters. You are your own 'friendship bouncer', and some people need to be kicked to the kerb and barred!

I think people just assume that it doesn't matter if they don't come, without thinking other people may think the same, and without considering the feelings and efforts of the person they're blowing out.

I was a guest in a situation like that once. My neighbour invited me to her birthday party. I didn't know her very well, and thought the invitation was just out of politeness. But I didn't have anything else planned that evening, and thought I could put on a nice top and show my face for a short time.

As it happened, most of her own friends let her down. Most of the people there were randoms brought along by her young sister. She didn't actually know them, and ended up throwing them out, and her sister went off in a strop.

It was a shit party for her, but she thanked me profusely for coming, because I was one of the few people there whom she actually knew and had invited herself.

I didn't have all that good a time, but I was glad I'd made the effort, because of how much it meant to her.

These stories are so sad