To be upset no-one came?

[anoelbthuthdy]

It's my birthday today, a big one. I don't live in the UK anymore but decided to throw a party back home to celebrate this milestone, with drinks, food and entertainment laid on. I invited people months in advance (with occasional reminders in between), and organised it on Sat just gone as that was the day most people could make. So we travel 500km, kids in tow, the evening comes and... 3 people turn up. 3. A few people did message that they/their kids were ill, but plenty of others simply didn't show. It was, quite frankly, humiliating.

AIBU to be gutted that no-one bothered to come? For context, I have thrown a couple of birthday parties over the years that were also poorly attended but those were on NYE itself, so I purposely avoided that this time. And this was a milestone birthday.

I'm sorry, OP. That's shit and YANBU.

At least you know now who to spend your time and energy on keeping in touch with.

Happy Birthday!

I do think a lot of people nowadays are quite rude about invitations to places.

I agree. I also think people have forgotten what RSVP means

Good manners don't seem to be very important these days. I was taught that if you received an invitation, you replied as promptly as possible. If you weren't sure you could go, you contacted the host asap to explain why, and gave a date you could let them know for definite by. If you weren't sure you wanted to go, you politely declined. If you said you'd go, you went, no matter what (barring disasters of course).

I was always pleased to have been thought of, and certainly never felt put upon or aggrieved because I'd rather sit at home, or there were too many parties for me to bestow my wonderful presence on.

@Thewisewoman

Sounds like she forked out quite a bit of cash though to hire a venue, supply food, drinks etc. That's a generous thing to do isn't it!?

If you said you'd go, you went, no matter what (barring disasters of course)

I don't think this is realistic over the festive season. Suppose the OP sent out invites 2 months ago. People say 'yes great' or 'maybe, we'll have to see what we are doing'. Plans change a lot often last minute due to illness at this time of year- we had a day planned and in the end half couldn't make it due to a sickness bug. Or people get a cheap flight offer to see their family in Europe and just jump on a plane. I wouldn't expect them to not go because they'd agreed to go to a party one night of an old FB friend, it's just not that level of commitment.

I think you have to accept at this time of year people prioritise their families and make arrangements around them. I don't hold kid's parties in the school holidays as I wouldn't expect people be around- they aren't. There's been lots of posts over the years about this- school holiday parties are a no-no for the same reason.

Nothing personal, although of course it's polite to say 'sorry can't make it' which it sounds like most of the 18 who had said yes actually did.

Hi OP, sorry this has happened. There's some interesting insights here, and as others have said, try not to take it personally.

I have a major birthday coming up next week and I had booked a hall and a band. But most people didn't reply to the invitation - keeping their options open? I decided to cancel because I could foresee coughs/colds/bad weather/cba to go out on a cold night excuses and would only have a close family and a few others attend. (When I cancelled, several who hadn't replied said how they'd been looking forward to it. Pfft!) So I've invited some of them to mine instead, but parking is awful, so who knows? May just be 5 of us playing charades and getting sloshed but I have to not care!

Happy birthday!

It's always a bit shit having a birthday close to xmas. My friend's dh - Xmas day baby - always celebrated his significant birhdays a month later. End of January is a great time as everything else is so dreary, cold and dampish.

That sucks OP and people can be so disappointing. I've not been in this situation myself but I don't celebrate my birthday partly because I feel like no one can be bothered with it. To just not show up is shit.

My advice would be to use this as an opportunity to prune your social networks and ditch the people who add nothing to your life.

Happy Birthday to You.

I'm sorry your party was a let down.
I think people don't say they are no longer coming because they think you won't notice in the throng of the crowd.... and then there's no crowd.

Don't take it personally.
A few months ago a friend of mine who is lovely (and has lots of friends, big family, great work colleagues) had a significant birthday. Hardly anyone turned up. I though to myself if they can't be arsed to to turn up for her - my party would be me and the empty seats and cake.

Spend future birthdays having a treat for yourself and loved ones.

Is it likely you have 73 crap and awful friends who hate you, or that you picked a bad time of year?

I'm sorry to pick on one person but there have been lots of comments like the above on this thread, and in general. It's not like those of us with festive birthdays CHOOSE to be born on that day is it? Why is it so fucking hard to make an effort for someone who is supposed to be a friend? A bit different for the OP i guess as being abroad but if people expect you to come to their events they should come to yours.

Me and my dad had a milestone birthday this weekend gone and threw a party, quite a few people who i would have loved to have been there couldn't because of family commitments. I'd have preferred to do it the weekend after but my DM insisted it had to be ON our birthday. But those who were around made a concerted effort to turn up and we didn't have any people bail last minute. (though i would say maybe 10% of invitees didn't declined because 'oh but we are so tired from xmas').

I did feel like i had to explain why so few of my friends were there though, which wasn't nice.

I'm sorry this happened to you.
The only (piss poor) excuses I could come up with, we're that they had lost track of which day was which over the festive madness.
If you did one of those Facebook invite things, I quite often miss them because I no longer use Facebook that much any more. They were much used 8/9years ago but not so much these days. Seems like 40 of your friends are like this? Do they all have kids?
What ever their excuse it's very upsetting for you.
Hope your nearest and dearest made your day special.

Big hugs OP

Happy Birthday

We had a party on the 28th for dh 50th. We had several no shows and no apologies from them, they had rsvped yes. I am never going to invite those peop,e to any event in the future. We had enough people and fun but over caterered but wasn’t bad.

Very sorry for you, it’s tough but it’s bad on them not you.

If you said you'd go, you went, no matter what (barring disasters of course)

Perhaps I should have been clearer. Illness would certainly count as a disaster. But if you think you might be going to visit family overseas, you should say so, and give a date that you can definitely say yay or nay by.

I'm really talking about those who have replied saying yes they'll come, then decide they're too tired, or Joe Bloggs next door has invited them for drinks and they're going to go there because it's nearer, or there's a film/football/chess game on the tv they want to watch, or whatever. And that's just plain rude.

That's so annoying OP. I've never had a big party for this reason too. This year for my birthday I said to my family I'd do a little open house with some tea and cakes and only a couple of them came and that annoyed me let alone a big do!

I alwayssssss go to people's birthdays because I can't stand the thought of someone going to the effort of arranging a party and it going to waste. I also hate the thought of people not feeling special. I can always remember when I was at uni, a girl I liked was having a birthday night out and i really didn't want to go. Really didn't fancy it, it was a freezing night in January and all of my other friends bailed. I just couldn't knowing that everyone else wasn't going. In the end me and her flatmate went out on our own and actually had a really good night!

I never listen to people when they say "if you don't want to go then don't". Very selfish and when you get there you generally enjoy it!

Chin up OP and don't bother again, people are selfish this time of year especially. Have a really nice meal yourself and your family next year or a special break away! And happy birthday!

That’s crap and really bad form
Of those who didn’t show.
I think no-shows are so rude, even a lame last-minute excuse is (proper illnesses notwithstanding). Also, I think people hedge bets this time of year or equally cba and only think of themselves.
I have hosted various parties and family events over the years and there are always last-min blowouts or no-shows . They are never good friends though, more peripheral guests.

I don’t get it, what’s not to like about a party? New haircut, your best clothes, makeup, a bottle of something and you get to meet new people, talk about new stuff, pontificate about whatever you’re preoccupied with at the time and so on. I love parties at all times of year.

I know this is rubbish for you - but I honestly think most people don’t like parties

Really? No one I know doesn't like a party! As long as it's easyish to get to and get home, I love 'em! I held one a couple of years back for a big birthday and 60 came. It was one of the best nights of my life

Now, I appreciate that is not going to make the OP feel any better but I honestly think it's because of stupid Christmas/New Year season. I betcha if you'd had it say 3rd week of January, you would have had far more people coming because January is boring. I'm sorry you were let down, that's shit.

Happy birthday ! People should have communicated to you if they were going to attend, that would have been the polite response

I like parties but only really now if I know a good few people there. If it’s just me and dh and maybe one other friend they can be boring and we’d be liable to stick it out for a couple of hrs to be polite.

It’s my birthday today too and I want to wish all of you with similarly placed birthdays a very very happy one. 🎂 Especially you, OP.

We had a dinner party on the 29th but only invited friends we knew were 200% reliable. I have had the same experience in the past and it’s grim.

That must have been very disappointing for you OP.

I wish there was a way of knowing in advance who'd only want to stay friends if you lived nearby, so you could concentrate on the real friends who'd be there for you even if you moved to Jupiter.

I don't like parties much but for a good friend I would reply ASAP and make the effort to be there.

If you have 3 truly great friends you're doing well.
The rest are fluff. They can be enjoyable pleasant fluff, but fluff all the same.

Seriously, if you have 3 people that would actually stop in their tracks the moment you needed help, you're lucky.

See it as a reevaluation of what and who matters. It doesn't mean you have to stop being a nice person, but it can help you see life in a different way. Work mates are work mates, they aren't partners.

Any chance you organised it via Facebook - just when you say 20 confirmed and 18 maybe it sounds like a Facebook invite page. If so then people may not take it too serious. They could click maybe and then totally forget about it. Or they may not see reminders on their newsfeed.

I suppose people tend to see the Christmas holiday season as a time to visit family so people may have been away or have visitors themselves. Unless they are very close friends or close family a birthday party probably wouldn't be their priority, unfortunately.

I'm really sorry. Please take comfort from the fact that lots of us have had similar experiences. I once had a party that was "barely respectable" in terms of turnout....

try not to take it personally.