To be upset no-one came?

[anoelbthuthdy]

It's my birthday today, a big one. I don't live in the UK anymore but decided to throw a party back home to celebrate this milestone, with drinks, food and entertainment laid on. I invited people months in advance (with occasional reminders in between), and organised it on Sat just gone as that was the day most people could make. So we travel 500km, kids in tow, the evening comes and... 3 people turn up. 3. A few people did message that they/their kids were ill, but plenty of others simply didn't show. It was, quite frankly, humiliating.

AIBU to be gutted that no-one bothered to come? For context, I have thrown a couple of birthday parties over the years that were also poorly attended but those were on NYE itself, so I purposely avoided that this time. And this was a milestone birthday.

YANBU... so you got no message at all? That's rude. The timing is indeed tricky but doesn't excuse that.Maybe because you live elsewhere they think they don't see your face to face so it's ok? But it's rude and says more about them than you. Happy birthday!

Sorry that happened OP. The only thing I will say is that this time of year vomiting bugs are rife. We once had to pull out of a party on NYE at last minute because of vomiting and runs. I was so ill but host was a bit snippy when she saw me because lots hadn't shown pleading colds / bugs. I was genuinely ill and a bit peeved that she was sceptical. It's a funny time of year.

I know this is rubbish for you - but I honestly think most people don’t like parties. Much rather a nice meal with close friends. People say they are coming because they can’t muster the courage to say I don’t like parties. Then they just don’t show.

I've had it happen to me too OP- I'm so sorry and understand how you feel.

This year, for my milestone birthday, I had a 'proper' do, at a hotel and everything, and good god it was hard to pin people down to a reply (any reply!) The amount of people nowadays who think it's acceptable to hold out in case something 'better' comes along, or that it's fine to not reply at all, baffles me.

Try not to feel humiliated (hard, I know) but instead remember that those people aren't worth your time and effort for the future.

Happy birthday OP! 🎁🎉🎈🎀🛍🌸

This is awful, how could they. YANBU. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

I used to feel pressure to have parties but parties seem to make me ridiculously stressed to the point I’m almost crying into the canapés before guests arrive

But it sounds like you’re a lovely sociable person who enjoys parties and wanted to share this milestone with friends. I’m so sorry this happened

Aw That's really upsetting for you, but I guess it's the norm for people who have birthdays around Christmas or NY. It sucks.

Unless it's round the corner or you are a best friend or immediate relative most people are just too exhausted/broke/busy to want to travel far for something non-essential when the previous two weeks have been choc-a-bloc with social commitments. Some people are still trying to squeeze in Christmas visits with various members of the family at that stage, too.

Others just need a few days down time before the onslaught of the new year and back to work/school starts.

With hindsight it might have been better to do it mid January when people are feeling more in the mood.

I'm so sorry his has happened, but a party between Christmas and New Year? What were you thinking? It's a horrid time to go to a party.

^Er no it really isn’t. Only people in this country get their knickers in a twist about stuff like this. “Oh i’m soooo knackered from Christmas that I couldn’t possibly do anything else”. Selfish pricks

omg, what a bunch of wankers

Thanks for all the sympathy, strangers of MN! I wasn't expecting hundreds but about 20-30, not 3! I know relationships change once you move country but these are all people I keep in touch with regularly on FB, and I visit the UK several times each year and try to see people (more so than when I lived there, tbh!) I thought for a big birthday, on a Sat in party season, in a place easily reachable by public transport, with free blinking drinks for crying out loud, that people might make the effort to see me for a couple of hours, but there you go. Birthdays are for kids, I guess.

I would say most people I know aren't around between Christmas and New Year- lots traveling abroad to family or round the country. We don't even plan our usual get -together at this time as it won't work. It doesn't excuse the rudeness of not letting you know, but it's very unlikely they were all sitting in their PJ's actively choosing not to come.

Bad luck, OP, sorry it didn't work out on that occasion.

I know this is rubbish for you - but I honestly think most people don’t like parties.

This is SO true. So many people don't enjoy parties at all, or at least not unless they are full of the good friends they already have. Few people actually relish travelling long distances at an inconvenient time to spend the evening with one couple they know well but haven't seen for ages and a huge bunch of strangers. Especially when the people they do know are too busy to pay them much attention. It's the same with weddings.

It's shame if you don't have the time to visit various friends individually but doing this thing of 'I'm home, I've picked a time and a place, all come here to see me so I can tick everyone off in one fell swoop.' rarely goes down well.

This happened to a friend of mine years ago for her 18th - in fact I am wondering if it was leamaria as the circumstances sound very similar - she hired a local bar for her 18th, which fell between Christmas and New Year, and very few people turned up. I was one of the few and it was pretty embarrassing for everyone; we tried to jolly round and join in with the dancing and all that, but I could tell she was gutted about it. In all honesty, I didn't especially want to go because I was still living at home and had to get my dad to drive me to and from the place, and I was tired and had eaten too much over Christmas. But I would never have told my friend I would go and then just not turned up. I think people who do that are complete dicks who don't deserve to be invited to anything.

Although given it was a big birthday you'd think they'd make an exception.

I think it's just a case of crappy timing. It's a shame more people didn't let you know though.

Also OP I know flying back to home country (especially with kids) can take a lot of organisation and money and in this case, more so due to catering costs etc.

You flew all that way, invested the effort as well as the money, did all the work... and all you wanted was for them to show up. Anyone in your shoes would feel hurt, hope you were still able to enjoy your night

If lots of people have children, then the last weekend of the term is a good Christmas party time, as everyone has to be around for school, but it's near the holidays. I went to a party at that time on a Sat afternoon/eve and it was extremely well-attended. Timing is everything, unfortunately.

Happy birthday OP.

They should have let you know in advance whether they were going or not, that would have been so easy to do.

How long have you lived away now OP, because tbh my first thoughts were similar to a few posters who have mentioned the difference between being involved in someone's life and keeping in touch via FB. It is different and it does feel different to most people.

Had people said they'd come?

Aw @Sitranced I stopped having parties too (the stress!) but still do something to celebrate (low key.. even just with one sister or friend!) so hope you do to

Rude to accept an invite and then not pitch up without letting you know in advance. I do think it's a difficult time to hold a party though as people will accept months in advance and then when it comes to it think "sod it, I'm too tired after the Xmas shopping/visiting relatives etc" and don't show - should still tell you though.

Anyway Happy Birthday for today OP, don't spend your time dwelling on this - enjoy your day!

This is awful for you, I'm so sorry OP.

I think you should call out your 'friends' on their behaviour. Don't make yourself a martyr but let them know how much effort and expense you'd gone through and the numbers of no-shows. People need to know how their bad manners affect others.

That’s really shitty op. I think I would concentrate on making new friends where you are living, not to say drop your old friends but I wouldn’t be making much of an effort. Spend your money and annual leave on visiting new places and new experiences.

Hope 2019 brings you lots of new friends and adventures

I'm sorry you were made to feel like that. It's the reason I never organise parties as I simply don't think I'm popular enough for people to come and I don't want to be made to feel like shit.

That is just horrible OP. Don't bother throwing a party again. The people who just didn't bother to show up are not your 'friends'.

I had 20 confirmed and 18 maybes and 40 people who didn't even respond, to those who asked. About 7 cancelled due to illness. Even assuming 'maybe' actually means 'no, but I'm too polite to say an out-and-out no', that leaves a dozen people.

Anyhoo, I made a big fuss of my 3 friends and we had fun anyway.

Happy Birthday OP.

I'm sorry that your invitees were so rude as to not turn up. Because that it what it is in many cases. If you RSVP a yes then you turn up . Even if only for an hour.

I have held many parties over the years and I jave learnt to over invite. I also know who is likely to flake on the day and send some spurious excuse.

I turned 50 this year and refused to have a party as I can't bear all the last minute texts of guests pulling out.