To be upset no-one came?

[anoelbthuthdy]

It's my birthday today, a big one. I don't live in the UK anymore but decided to throw a party back home to celebrate this milestone, with drinks, food and entertainment laid on. I invited people months in advance (with occasional reminders in between), and organised it on Sat just gone as that was the day most people could make. So we travel 500km, kids in tow, the evening comes and... 3 people turn up. 3. A few people did message that they/their kids were ill, but plenty of others simply didn't show. It was, quite frankly, humiliating.

AIBU to be gutted that no-one bothered to come? For context, I have thrown a couple of birthday parties over the years that were also poorly attended but those were on NYE itself, so I purposely avoided that this time. And this was a milestone birthday.

Did people reply or be in touch with you between sending the invite and the party? As usually you would have an idea of who was able to attend before? So sorry for you OP, it's really shit.

anoelbthuthdy I feel for you. That's horrible behaviour from others! It stinks. Belated happy birthday.

Hugs op. I had this on my 18, I and everyone else had been to everyones 18th parties all year but when mine came around no-one wanted to come and only my best friend turned up. I've never celebrated a birthday since.

Happy Birthday anoelbthuthdy

Was it family who didn't turn up? Or friends? Or both?

I'd have to say something.

That's rubbish, people can just be awful sometimes. How many had you invited?

I’m sorry OP. It feels so awful when this happens. But you sound wonderful. I’m sure it was people being really rubbish and flakey rather than how they feel about you as a person. Hope you have a better day today.

I'm so sorry his has happened, but a party between Christmas and New Year? What were you thinking? It's a horrid time to go to a party.

Also, how long have you lived away from the UK? Why didn't you throw a party where you live? I couldn't imagine going back to my home country and throwing a party, apart from my family i doubt anyone else would turn up (out of sight, out of mind etc), and even my family have loads of commitments.

That is horrid and YANBU to be upset. People absolutely should have told you beforehand whether they were coming or not.

I did find, however, when I lived abroad, that relationships with people back home changed. Not maliciously, but your lives move on separately. For a few people, you can pick up exactly where you left every time you see each other again, but for most, the distance does change things. That's not an excuse for people being so rude as to just not turn up, of course. But I think maybe planning a big birthday party somewhere you don't live isn't a great idea.

So sorry for you OP, that's truly crap. Are these people real friends? Do they show up to other things but this time it was just too inconvenient? They should never have accepted your invitation in the first place then you could have adjusted your plans. Have you attended their events? Some people just don't reciprocate though.

In an odd way this has reassured me that it's not just me! I've avoided hosting celebratory events for fear of people not showing up and feeling hurt by that. I have a festive season birthday and it's been a curse!

I feel for you OP. I have had this a lot tbh, that's why I don't organise anything anymore. Even at the night do for my wedding half the guests that said they were coming didn't turn up.
Happy Birthday though OP.

If the two rsvpd yes they were rude not to turn up.

However I think adult birthday parties are seen as very optional unlike children's birthdays.

It was rotten of them to agree to come then not turn up.

Having had this experience on a much smaller scale I never give parties and only go to them when I absolutely have to for family reasons. No problem as I only like small gatherings of friends anyway.

I do truly feel for you. I don't know how close you still are to these people, but I think posting on social media for example gives a false impression when true friendship isn't actually there.

I never have parties for this reason, but I am a turner-upper and see this a lot - it'll be me and three other turner-uppers and I feel bit of a mug after a while because the default seems to be for people to not turn up, so why am I (in some cases) forcing myself because I feel bad for the host. I think unless you have a group of friends with an established culture of get-togethers it's probably not worth the attempt. Even the folk I know who had annual parties that were well-attended saw it tail off in their 40s to the point where a smaller event (restaurant meal or informal pub drinks) worked better.

So sorry. This happened to my sister once. So many people said they could make it and then never showed. Happy birthday!

Were the people you invited close friends who you are frequently in contact with? I only ask as you say you don't live in the UK any more and you threw the party while you were here for the holidays. If the people you invited are folk that you are only in sporadic contact with then it's not that surprising. If they are close friends that you speak to very often then it's pretty shit but I wonder if actually these are just people you knew years ago and now rarely see?

Happy Birthday OP (or perhaps, given your username, it should be HIPY PAPY BTHUTHDTH THUTHDA BTHUTHDY).

Even allowing for the possibility that these people might all have thought that it would be OK if they didn't go because there'd be loads of other people there, that is pretty shit. At least you'll know not to bother again.

That's horrible. I know it's a topsy turvey kind of week for most people, but to just not show up was rude and thoughtless.

This is the reason I never organise parties. I would be so anxious that people wouldn't turn up.

I can imagine you're hurt and YANBU to be so.

...but. I have a friend who emigrated a few years ago, keeps in touch by FB with everyone "back home", but isn't involved in their lives anymore, so doesn't go to weddings or christenings or anything like that.

When she comes back for a visit though she expects the full fanfare, everyone to make an effort to see her, take her for lunch, visit her, give up whatever arrangements they have.

Are these friends sufficiently involved in your life now to make this amount of effort?

Happy birthday anoel 🎂💐🍸

My birthday is in December and four other family members birthdays are December.
Our general consensus is, that December birthdays are sh** , nobody has any time to be there for you in December, not because they don't want to, but because it is the busiest month of the year for lots of people.

Happy Birthday OP!

It's my birthday tomorrow so I feel your pain. It's an awful and awkward time of the year. It annoys and upsets me too. My birthday is the same day every year and if people gave a stuff they'd plan in advance (as they would for any other birthsay) instead of the same tired excuses.

I share my birthday with DSS too. I ensure he always has party etc.

In future just celebrate with your closest family and fuck the rest of them!

Happy birthday OP. YANBU to feel bad about this. But, my bet is that each person who didn't turn up just wasn't looking at the bigger picture and would not have wanted you to be left in the situation you were in. One other way to look at it is that you have three true friends back in your old home. They're worth more than a big gaggle of people who aren't really there for you.

I had this happen to me a few weeks ago. Milestone birthday, hired a venue, ordered food and massive professional cakes. Invited about 50 people well in advance and was expecting 25-30. 12 showed up, and whilst i had a lovely time with them, and am so grateful to them for coming, I was devastated and i feel so humiliated. A couple of the no-showers messaged me last minute to let me know but most simply didn’t bother.

YANBU at all, it’s a horrible feeling and I am really not looking forward to going back to uni in a couple of weeks. Anyone who simply didn’t bother to show up, don’t bother with. Don’t message them. If they weren’t coming they should have let you know.

Oh and of course Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday!

I am so angry on your behalf after reading that. They don’t deserve you.

Thats peeeeeeeek