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To ask if it is really THAT hard to have kids?

(611 Posts)
zebra1304 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:01:38

Spending Christmas with my partner's family. We don't have kids but I worked years in child care. Not saying it is the same but I do have some idea of things. Day 7 here... and all I can hear is how bloody difficult/expensive/tiring etc etc to have kids. Is it really that hard? If so why people keep having them ? I mean why don't they stop after 1 or 2.

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Lazypuppy Sat 29-Dec-18 13:03:25

I have a 1 year old, haven't found it hard at all so far.

May change, may not, but at the moment i'm finding it pretty easy.

I also don't plan on having anymore

Mammylamb Sat 29-Dec-18 13:05:30

It is expensive if you don’t have family on hand to provide childcare. For one child it costs £1000 a month at the local nurseries.
It’s also relentless; and very tiring

Travisandthemonkey Sat 29-Dec-18 13:06:01

Some People just love to moan about things.
If they had a mansion it would probably, it’s so expensive to heat and drafty etc etc

Lottapianos Sat 29-Dec-18 13:06:45

'Not saying it is the same but I do have some idea of things'

You do, and probably a heck of a lot more than most non parents. You may well get your ass handed to you OP but I'm on your side. I've worked with children for years. I hear you about the non stop moaning from some parents and I get hmm as well

DonDrapersOldFashioned Sat 29-Dec-18 13:07:26

Babies are a piece of piss for the most part. It’s when they can think and act for themselves and the hormones kick in that the trouble often starts.

zebra1304 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:07:43

I am not saying f it's not expensive but flipping hell maybe have a look at your financial situation before deciding on having kids?! Or is someone forcing people to keep having kids?

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Thankfuckitsfriday1 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:08:17

Yes it’s that hard. It’s wondefful though too hence why you have more.

I worked in a nursery, pre school and school as well as autistic children in a mainstream primary school and it’s NOTHING alike.

It’s the fact your a mum 24/7. They don’t sleep through the night often, need constant attention while little, feeding, changing etc. Mine are now 3&1 and while I completely adore being their parent.. it’s hard work.

But I don’t complain often and only after a particularly long or hard day. The reason being they good times and joy far outweigh the stress and tiredness (most days). Example is last night was hell as my 1 year old is still up 5 times a night and I was very tired but right now they are having a dance to music which is wonderful.

I’d never spend a week straight complaining about money or how hard it is!!

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 29-Dec-18 13:10:04

I think a lot of it is the nonstop responsibility and worry about your children. That's why some people want to talk about the stress/difficulties etc. That's not something you experience from working in childcare, even if it is busy/tiring during your work shift.

And of course it isn't that hard for everyone. People mostly talk about their problems, not their successes as they often don't want to appear to be bragging/complacent/smug etc. So you hear more negative than positive and it gives a wrong impression about what things are like.

Cherries101 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:10:26

I’m on your side OP. Raising kids has become overcomplicated — it is actually so simple most animals do it.

Ted27 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:10:28

well they are tiring, and expensive, and difficult, particularly when the hit the teen years and you have to pay adult prices for them

But my son is also great fun, we still have cuddles (as long as his mates won't see ) we do lots of things together, great holidays, just hanging out together. Its amazing to see another human being grow and develop.
But I still has a little whinge to me friend on Thursday when we were out with her and her two, as did she to me - she has twins so double trouble.
Doesnt everyone have a moan now and again?

zebra1304 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:10:31

I am tired of listening to have expensive everything? I mean we all struggle at some point in our lives but honestly the constant moaning . Drives me potty! And of course I can't have an opinion cause first of all I don't have kids and second of all we won't listen to you anyhow as the kids are screaming there head of so we cant hear anything.

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stealthbanana Sat 29-Dec-18 13:10:40

I find it quite hard tbh

It’s a combination of things. The biggest, I think, is that it’s the first thing I’ve done in my life where input A doesn’t reliably lead to output B iykwim - it’s not as if you follow the kids manual and work hard at it you’ll be successful, it’s a different style of thing. They have their own ways of doing things and you’ve got to figure out how to parent around them.

Also it is relentless just always always having to put someone else first.

I love having a child and am not complaining per se, but I do find it very hard.

Thankfuckitsfriday1 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:10:41

I guess it also depends what type of kids you have.

I had PND so found the first year very hard and at 2 we realised my sons autistic and he’s now diagnosed. We didn’t imagine parenting this way but that’s what we have and I’m very grateful.

I’m sure parenting 1 child is easier then 5 for example. And also depends on the adult. It’s all relative.

And financial situations change all the time drastically with job loses, moves etc. Last year we were so poor we were having to sell things to get by and that seems a million miles away from our situation now.

elasticfantastic Sat 29-Dec-18 13:11:01

Some people just love to moan. I have a friend like this, fortunately we are close enough that I openly take the piss out of her to her face that she is such a moaner! She can't help herself!

In your situation it's a case of grin and bare it and try not to spend such long periods of time with them in future.

zebra1304 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:11:24

I don't mind a moan every now and then but not for days straight!

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ElspethFlashman Sat 29-Dec-18 13:11:34

But you get to go home. You get a break.

If I only took care of my kids from 9 - 5 I'd probably say it was a breeze.

But that's the difference between childcare and parenting.

SnuggyBuggy Sat 29-Dec-18 13:12:25

I think it's hard in different ways for different people.

I've struggled with DDs inability to sleep away from me. I haven't struggled with losing my identity by stopping work.

Another parent may have completely different struggles

Cornishmumofone Sat 29-Dec-18 13:12:27

It depends on the temperament of your child. I've a 26 month old who rarely sleeps more than three hours in a row. I've tried everything. The chronic sleep deprivation has had such a negative effect on my life. I'm now overweight and depressed. I used to do sport every day; now I'm lucky if I run twice a week.

We don't live near to any relatives, so there are no opportunities for a few hours break unless we are able to pay.

If you have a healthy child who sleeps well the experience can be very different.

zebra1304 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:12:53

I was a full time nanny doing 60 hours a week, loads of overnight stays and looked after kids with special needs. Not 9-5

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Amanduh Sat 29-Dec-18 13:12:54

Well it depends. Some days are tricky and hard, but most aren’t. Mine sleeps, is well behaved generally, and easy going. But some aren’t. People have hard lives, kids who won’t eat or sleep. It’s a non stop and relentless job. It’s never ‘easy’. I don’t find it hard, or particularly expensive either, but again that’s just one lucky experience. You don’t sound like a particularly nice person tbh

zebra1304 Sat 29-Dec-18 13:13:18

Just FYI

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TheBigBangRocks Sat 29-Dec-18 13:13:53

I don't think it's hard unless you don't discipline/teach wrong from right from the start and their behaviour goes bad.

I dislike the moaning about children costing money, it's not like it can come as a surprise that they need things or that school trips etc cost money. So many seem to think they shouldn't cost them anything.

Gettingbackonmyfeet Sat 29-Dec-18 13:15:02

It is hard and I'm sorry but childcare is a very different thing .

I assume you don't worry about whether you are setting them up with good thought processes , healthy eating habits , enough confidence to either go to university when they are older or not if that's what they want , are they making friends ? ,does it matter?Maybe they should march to the beat of their own tune ?, do they have good role models? Should I but them xyz because they want it or will I spoil them? Do I work more hours at work to save for their future or spend more time with them? Are we modelling a positive relationship between adults so they see positive ? Was that sneeze being ill or am I overreacting? How much screen time is too much? Should I let them watch so they are up to date with current fads and can make friends or do I ban it ? When do I tell them about santa? Do I encourage magic as a child or tell them the truth ?

Parenting is not childcare , it's for their whole life all the time and it's ridiculous to compare

As for the moaners I'll say that yea of course it's hard...to do it properly and not just baby sit or rock up and keep them alive for a day....yes its hard but I made a choice so I moan a lot less than others because I chose to have my children

It's also so worth it ,best and hardest thing I have ever done

But it's ridicuos and immature to say it intimate you know what being a parent is like being in childcare , having a dog , or having nieces and nephews...you don't

I run children's homes and care services...i don't know what it's like to have a child in care because I have never been there

PippilottaLongstocking Sat 29-Dec-18 13:15:17

I have 2 kids. Child #1 was so easy, I never understood why people said that having kids was difficult. Child #2 is the most exhausting, hard-work child I’ve ever met, he needs constant attention and rarely sleeps (so special needs as far as we’re aware, just exhausting)

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