To ask if it is really THAT hard to have kids?

[zebra1304]

Spending Christmas with my partner's family. We don't have kids but I worked years in child care. Not saying it is the same but I do have some idea of things. Day 7 here... and all I can hear is how bloody difficult/expensive/tiring etc etc to have kids. Is it really that hard? If so why people keep having them ? I mean why don't they stop after 1 or 2.

When I was 19 my mum had a bang and I lived at home at the time so I was there ALL the time. I lived with a baby, changed nappies, did bottles and entertained etc. All while also working with children...

I STILL had no idea how hard and different it would be having your own. It’s the constant, dependence, all relying on you and also the worry. It’s hard to describe.

However i agree with the constant moaning I’d also find that very grating. I’m more of a quick moan and get on with it.

The difficulty level depends on many things. Age of kids , whether you have a supportive partner, if you're a single parent , do your kids sleep through...do you have health problems yourself. I could go on.

I'd leave and go home, it sounds like you are finding the environment unpleasant and the adults boring.

Maybe you could say that you are unwell if you'd rather not directly say that you find them boring and their home environment unpleasant.

You do realise it's these particular people you have an issue with and not parents in general?

OP I guess the difference is knowing that you can quit or that your contract will eventually end

That's fine, I don't mind if someone think I'm not nice . I just wondering what the story is with having kids and constantly moaning and deciding that my life is easier because I don't have kids. I also wonder why and how people decided to have kids if they don't have the money . I mean why?

I've been a live in nanny too before I had my (7 soon to be 8) children. It's not the same at all.

But I do understand, a lot of people moan about having kids, but they would probably moan about something else if they didn't have them, some people just love to moan!

FWIW I've not found it hard at all. That's why I've had so many lol but I am privileged in terms of money and practical help. It's not like that for everyone, but if I couldn't have afforded more then I wouldn't have had any.

zebra with the greatest respect, you don’t have kids. It is hard. And it is expensive. Even if you can afford it!

Having babies, toddlers even, is relatively simple. Parenting, otoh, is very hard. My eldest dc is 11 and hurtling toward teenaged. It’s wonderful but heartbreaking and frustrating all at once.

Op it's probably because situations can change? Someone might be able to afford 4 kids until their husband runs off with his secretary or one or both parents become ill.

I found it easy with DS. Childcare is expensive but the rest is manageable.
Now with 2 I find it hard. Very hard and quite expensive.
The constant mithering, shouting, whinging. Never ending piles of washing, cleaning etc.

I know what you mean OP. I do often find it relentless but it’s not too bad. I have 2 but I stopped there as I knew I’d be crap if I had any more. What I don’t get are people who (like me) aren’t great/natural parents and don’t seem to enjoy it that much but who keep having more. I’d have been a terrible parent to 3+ kids.

Look, as with all life decisions, some people are naive or optimistic. Or bad at planning, or their circumstances change subsequently.

And of course anyone's life becomes more complicated and involves more effort when responsible for 1 or more other people who are entirely dependant on you.

I find it hard, but I don't moan about it.

I don't think you can compare it to working in childcare though, where you can click off at 6pm and you get paid.

I do agree with you though. I know someone with 4 who moans and complains about her kids and the logistics of having 4 kids non stop, and I do wonder why she had 4

Yes, it can be that hard. Not everyone is the same. To some people it is a breeze, others, not so much.

I had pnd after my second daughter was born. 7 years on the depression is still there and at times I find it very hard to cope.

I sympathise with you having to listen to people moaning about an experience that you don't share- that can be bloody tedious. But you can't know what their experience of parenthood has been.

Tbh OP you’re coming across as sneery and unkind rather than just a bit irritated. Who ever it is you’re around I would suggest avoiding spending long periods of time with if you resent their company so much.

Of course having children is different to working with them. The relationship dynamics are completely different and employees generally get the evening off and a good nights sleep as well as annual leave.

Finances tend to fluctuate. The best made plans don’t always translate into reality.

Whoever it is your referring to sounds unhappy to me and has unwisely thought you were someone to talk openly with about it.

*clock off

It depends on the child and the circumstances.

My first child didn’t sleep through the night for 3 years but he was generally quite easy until 2. 2-4 was hell but 4 was lovely so we decided we were ready to have another one.

He’s 11 months. Doesn’t sleep. Won’t wean. Has been sick since November with no let up.

When you work in childcare the worry isn’t yours. Yes, you look after them during the day but the constant:

Is it teething or a cold or an earache or something else isn’t your problem.

You budget perfectly well but they lose their coat, two jumpers and break their shoes in the same week.

You have to cancel long made plans because childcare falls through or they get sick.

You get everything they get. This house has been sick since September. One of us, no lie, has been sick pretty much every week since then.

I haven’t got time to make myself look or feel nice.

I’m exhausted as I have developed a health condition during my last pregnancy that only rest and diet can cure. However I’ve not had a decent night’s sleep since May.

I go back to work in two weeks.

For ME that’s hard. I wish everyone I know am eady child. I haven’t had one, I know they exist.

But perhaps exercise a bit of empathy for people finding it tough.

I have found it really easy to get gainful employment and earn good money. I’m not such a douch I don’t get why it’s not so easy for everyone.

It’s lovely having a family. The benefits outweigh the downsides.

But yes - it’s expensive and when they’re young it’s extremely tiring. And the responsibility is nothing like being a nanny. NOTHING. It’s forever. You can’t hand your notice in.

Moaning about it constantly sounds a bore, though.

Excuse typos and spag - sick baby I sick me as I type with one hand.

Throw a child or children with disabilities into the equation and it’s even tougher

Depends on the kid I suppose. Mine is almost two years old and we've found it really hard. He was the worst sleeper as a baby and even now there are nights when he wakes me up hourly. The temper tantrums are horrendous too and generally trying to do your best to raise a decent human being is a bit difficult when they don't come with an instruction manual. We aren't having any more. 😂I do love mine fiercely and he is an absolute delight when in a good mood though, so I feel like instead of complaining I should talk more about the things he does that are positive. But moaning is easier. 😅

There are some babies and toddlers in my family who are super chilled out and generally fairly straightforward (and decent sleepers!) and it doesn't surprise me at all why people would want more if their babies were like that. Each to their own I guess.

Not hard. Gets harder when they are no longer kids

Seems like you just want an argument after the last post asking why people have children who can’t afford it..

Firstly why do have children/keep having them/is it really that tiring and now why do they if they can’t afford them?

Surely most of these answers you can figure out yourself especially as someone with live in experiences?

Contraception fails, job loses, parent falls ill, sudden move, parent dies etc. Any number of situation changes

As I said in my main post I have experience but no kids. It's solid full on experience and not 9-5 clock out job but I don't compare it to parenting. I understand that is a completely different cup of tea but honestly why why on earth moaning about 24/7 helps. Like literally can't talk about anything else apart from how bad it is for them. Full stop. No other subject to talk about. Oh yeah apart from having more cause that will help the situation

It just seems relentless to me. Many of my friends with kids are permanently knackered and stressed, don't seem to be enjoying it very much and don't have their own lives any more. Admittedly some are single parents now but it's not much different to when they were with their partners.
I guess in some ways it gets easier as they get older but from the outside it seems really hard.

I must admit that it's really put me off having children myself and I feel very torn.

Yes. It's expensive and exhausting.

I work in education (KS1). My own children are much harder as I'm 100% responsible. At work I get to hand off the buggers at 3pm and if anything really bad is happening, I pass it on up / across the chain. There's a team ready to support me.

At work I'm careful to not be a 'sponge', simply for self-preservation. At home, I take on all of my family's problems - it's part of my role. There's no getting away from any of it. Professionally working with children (or being a nanny) isn't comparable with parenting.

Venting is normal. Moaning too much will turn people off though.