To ask if it is really THAT hard to have kids?

[zebra1304]

Spending Christmas with my partner's family. We don't have kids but I worked years in child care. Not saying it is the same but I do have some idea of things. Day 7 here... and all I can hear is how bloody difficult/expensive/tiring etc etc to have kids. Is it really that hard? If so why people keep having them ? I mean why don't they stop after 1 or 2.

“Parents that make out it’s a walk in the park are either lying, have a lot of help, don’t work etc- don’t know but you must have something going on.”

who has said it’s a walk in the park? Most people have said it’s hard but not the hardest thing ever.

I work full time, MIL helps a bit, my parents live in a different country.

Don’t have a lazy arsehole of a husband which I suppose helps considerably.

Like I said many die, so animals analogy, well, if that's what you're after!

need you're wrong, that is the average sleep loss, not bullshit, nicely put!

The animal comment is stupid. When raising animal you don't have to consider their emotional development or them telling other animals that you swore in the car in the way to school
Also it depends on how old your dc are and how you choose to parent.
I'm sat here doing sweet fa at the moment but tomorrow with be busy busy.
Raising children is like swings and roundabouts. Patenting is hard because it's about not just caring and loving, your creating a person.

Christmas the original animal comment wasn't about that.

Yes, not seen that yet, but a lot does depend on how you choose to parent. Not to say that some are just lucky with easier situations and.personalities, finances, health.

Saying you know what it’s like to have kids because you worked in child care for a while, is like saying you know what it’s like to run a multi national corporation because you worked at McDonalds for a while. The magnitude of commitment and responsibility cannot be understood until you fully buy into it. The fact you have even asked this question and are criticising your family for having a bit of a moan only highlights your ignorance. Sorry is not what you wanted to hear. If you ever have your own kids.... you’ll get where I’m coming from, and your family for that matter.

sb74 baby has 2 naps a day. Next one up has 1 nap. Always make sure one is overlapping the other. 2 at school. Stack dishwasher, quick clean up, wash put machine, sits on arse with a cuppa, book, mumsnet. Doing bugger all. HTH.

“bullshit on losing 1000 hours of sleep in the first year.thats due to obsessing over bedtimes and putting babies in their own bed/rooms”

Not in all cases. I cosleep with my 8mo and breastfeed and he wakes hourly and often every ten minutes for an hour or so each night. It keeps me awake and it is hard to go back to sleep. I am extraordinarily sleep deprived. I have never expected him to sleep in his own room or bed. The sleep deprivation does make ordinary activities quite difficult sometimes

Such a condescending question. From one with no kids no less. Surely it depends on who you are, what your capacities and strengths/deficits are, what circumstances you are in, what particular needs your kids have, how many of them you have, what kind of partner you have, what support system you have etc, etc, etc, etc, etc......impossible to speak to all the dizzying permutations. That seems like it should be obvious

Mrs Ryan gosling. Well you obviously don’t work do you and your kids sound little. That sounds nothing like my life plus my kids aren’t babies so don’t have helpful naps. Maybe when your kids are older and have their own opinions life might not be so cushy. There’s nothing worst than a smug parent. Let’s see how smug you are when they’re hormonal teenagers. Working full time and being a mum is hard. Being a parent is hard. Maybe you’re a bit lazy and don’t do much else with your kids or life. I’ve always done a lot with my kids. And for the person who commented on my time management skills, yes I have some time to myself but i have to make that time as i constantly have stuff to do. I guess it’s only professional working mums who would understand. My working mum friends feel the same as me and we’re all realistic. And it’s nothing to do with not feeling grateful for having kids. Of course I do. They’re my world. Some people will get it done won’t.

*Some not done

The things is as well Mrs Ryan gosling, as some have said, things change. I’m guessing you rely on your husbands income unless you’re on benefits? What if he buggered off with someone else? Where would you be then? Would you have to earn your own money? Not easy with four kids.

sb74 my husband's income? Benefits? Where are you making all this up from? I'm a palliative care nurse, trust me I know about busy and am more than capable of earning my own money as I have done all my working life. And you are wrong yet again, 1 baby, 1 nursery age, 1 at primary, 1 at grammar. Lazy? Nah, i just have excellent time management skills (you know seeing as I'm a professional working woman!) Dont make a martyr of myself and dont think basic things are that difficult, although clearly you do. Everyone is different. Just because someone doesn't struggle with things that you do doesn't make them smug.

Nah you are smug. I’m a perfectly capable person and you are the one that built a picture of you not working. I have very good time management skills thank you. I meant a job you have to take home with you. One where you can’t just leave it all behind. That’s what I do in my business. Why you would argue about parenting being hard I don’t know. But you sound a very annoying person. Good luck to you and all your smugness.

I have 3 kids. Over the past 12 years I have
-Not worked but had babies/toddlers at home/morning Playschool
-Worked evenings until 2am and then got up early and spent all day looking after babies/toddler/preschooler

• worked part time from home while kids at school (all in primary)
• worked almost full time with kids in primary and secondary

All ages of kids and all permutations of working hours has had its pros and cons. Some days it’s hard, some days it’s easy, mostly it’s somewhere in between.

I’ve have a child with ASD, a lot of things are made much harder due to this (and a few much easier!)
I’ve had a child with recurring repeated ear infections and bursting ear drums which resulted in ops and may be more in the future.
I’ve had no money and slightly more money
I’ve had help with child care and periods with no help whatsoever.

Being emotionally responsible for a child is much much harder than just being physically and mentally responsible for one. When you are a nanny/childcarer you get a break and you don’t have to worry about thier future etc

Parents are entitled to moan even if they have chosen kids

People choose a stressful career, they choose to be nurses or bankers or teachers - should no one ever moan about thier job??
People choose to go out drinking - should no one ever moan about feeling ill with a hangover?
People choose to go to uni- should they never moan about being skint!??

There’s a million choices people make, people can moan about anything they want. Unless you’ve walked a mile in that persons EXACT shoes, and that includes having thier personality /anxieties etc you can’t really say how hard it is for them!!

Would the person who called Bullshit on sleep depravation like to take my 19m old son off me for a week please? He hasn't slept longer than 3hrs more than twice, and hasn't stopped moving or keeping me awake since I was 12 weeks pregnant! Oh and the 3hrs is only since he turned 1. Before that it was every hour and a half he would be awake.

But please do tell me more about all of this sleep I should be getting 🙄 and how my life must just be a work of fiction.

Nah you are smug

Yeah...I agree with this sorry. And I think you’re being seriously disingenuous with all this ‘four kids and two full time jobs is a breeze’ malarkey.

I have 3 dc...10, 8 and 1.

Life is lovely and I wouldn’t change the dc for anything but yes it’s hard, lots of the time.

Having to juggle work and childcare and school pick ups/drop offs. Managing extra curricular activities and weekend parties.

The financial strain of buying food and clothing for 5, not to mention day trips or holidays.

Just the constant every day stuff you have to do with reading and homework and nappy changes, bath time, bed time. Toddlers that just won’t fucking sleep and pre-teens that just won’t STFU.

You can’t just nip out together without arranging childcare. You can’t just nip to the bloody shop without helping find a missing toddler shoe first or comforting your 8 year old who just fell over and skinned his knees on the way out the door or waiting for at least two kids to go for a bloody pee first.

It’s hard. It’s non stop. There’s no shame in that.

If you seriously find four kids and two full time jobs a piece of piss...then imho you’re probably doing it wrong.

LOL is this a New Years joke?

The BIG difference between having your own kids and looking after someone elses is not mainly the work load and relentlesness of looking after children that you cannot hand over after your shift is ended. Although that is certainly a huge factor, which makes being a parent much harder than being a caretaker,.

No, the biggest difference is the mental stress and pressure of being 100 pct. responsible for the physical, mental and financial safety and well-being of little people, who cannot look after themselves. And being this for 365 days AND nights for approximately 18 years. And then loving them so much at the same time, that you would sacrifice your own life, or any of your own desires or goals for them at the same time. That is pretty hard.

I'm not saying you cannot fully grow up without being a parent. There are other ways to fully commit to something which requires you to put your own needs second, such as the hairy moments in a loving committed relationship, or pretty much caring for everyone or anything more than yourself. But becoming a parent is without a doubt one of the hardest and most character-shaping and revealing things you can do. You shoudl try it, and come back with your views, would love to hear it.

my partner summed up the struggles and stresses of parenting BRILLIANTLY!

In the SAS and marines they do not tell them an end time for their situation, be it running, drills, etc, because if you do not know an end time it's harder. Knowing the run will end in 8 hours means there is a light at the end of the stress.

So parenting, there is no end, or you don't know when the end is, some night your children go to bed early, sometimes they behave and sometimes they are complete twats who stay awake all night, dont eat there dinner and pee everywhere. I'm sure if every parent knew that at 5pm they had the rest of the day to do whatever they want, go anywhere they want without having to worry about childcare, pee in peace, bath without someone coming in to take a poo right next to you, then it would be easier.

Disclaimer: parenting is tough but its the best thing ever too.

"Mrsryangosling sounds like your children are quite easy and you've got a good set up. I think how hard day-to day parenting is depends mainly on your circumstances and the childrens' characters. My first child was super easy, never understood why people found it tough. Second one had colic, never slept more than 2 hours in a row till he was 1, and now at 2, still wakes up every night at least twice. Completely different.

Also, it depends on how stressful your job is, is it a take-home always logged on kind of job, or a fixed hours kind of job, it depends on your living situation, your financial situation, and on how solid your relationship is with your partner, or if, indeed, you are a single parent, how much your partner helps, if you have family nearby to help out, and it depends on your own mental and physical health and on and on and on. It's different for everyone. Having kids is WORK and emotional investment, so how easy you'll find it depends on how strong your foundations in all other areas are, as well as how difficult the child will be. Great for you that your set-up works. Don't be dismissive of other people who, for a multitude of reasons find parenting less easy.

I really think it must be totally bemusing to those who have been lucky enough to breeze through it to find others dont, and in fact feeling like cracking.

DinoDave have I got a 2nd job from somewhere? Don't know where that came from but 1 job is enough for me thanks! I just find people that say things like "working mums have it the hardest" "us mums deserve medals" "Oh you have no idea what busy is if you don't have kids" "having kids is the hardest thing ever" just a bit boring and a smug! And I really don't think I'm going that far wrong. Perhaps it is due to the jobs myself and my dh do, but sorry parenting is not this horrific non stop hardest job in the world. And people spouting rubbish like only professional working mums knowing how hard it is, like sb74 just like to act the martyr.
sb74 trust me, mine isn't a job I can just leave at work and it's hard to switch off. And I don't know where I'm earth I built a picture of not working. Your literally making things up.

I have three and never moan about it. We chose to have them! I love being a mum and the pros far outweigh the cons for me.

As TheBigBangRocks said earlier in the post, if discipline etc is done right from the start, it doesn't need to be a huge struggle. Maybe this will change for us when they're all teens but we can only do our best and hope for the best.

Before kids I was a full time emergency services shift worker (still am, but very part time now). That was real hard work in comparison. I love my career but it was far more tiring than being at home with the kids for me, with the exception of the kids all having a sick bug at the same time. That I do struggle with! The worst bit of parenting for me is scraping sick from carpets and showering crying children at 2/3/4am.

I do find that outside of the UK there’s not as much

Shite.

I do find that outside of the UK there’s not as much moaning about anything. And I used to love a moan and didn’t understand how anyone could do without a good complain. But I’ve been abroad 10 years now and I honestly think stoicism is far better. Not pretending everything is fine but not this endless list of shit that bothers you at the end of every day.

I actually find the UK really depressing these days cos everyone just moans on about how bad their job is, their partner is, this guy said this, this woman said that, what a twat, my kids are so hard on and on and on.