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To worry about large daughter.

(170 Posts)
Purplesky2 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:15:27

I feel a little bit sad for her. She is 7 and 138cm and 32kg. Not fat but not going to have slim frame ever. Dad is 6ft 5 so she is going to be tall. I’m quite small at 5ft 6 and 9 stone.
People assume she is 10
She wants to be good at gymnastics and dance but isn’t the build for it but I encourage her anyway but am pushing her to being enthusiastic about netball and hockey.
I watch her eating - she loves food and has a large appetite. I encourage lots of activity. I don’t mention her size in a negative way at all and big up the tall said of it but everyone and then I notice how much taller she is than her peers and she sticks out.
I’m hoping she will stop growing earlier and everyone will catch up.

Whoisshequestionmark Sun 21-Oct-18 12:19:17

According to the nhs website her bmi is healthy. Infact she'd have to gain quite a bit of weight to be in the "overweight" category. I can't see the worry.

Whoisshequestionmark Sun 21-Oct-18 12:21:25

And why can't she do dance or gymnastics? She's 7. She can do anything she wants to. Quite frankly I think you're being ridiculous.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 21-Oct-18 12:21:39

She sounds ok op

Why is she the wrong build for gym and dance? Surely at 7 it's for fun/exercise Not the Olympics or swan lake.

Feed healthily and get lots if exercise. If you are doing just that you will be fine

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Oct-18 12:22:21

I'm confused

Are you worried about her weight or her height?

Cherries101 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:23:37

I think this is a matter of changing your negative view of her size than her health. You clearly place worth in women being small and you say you watch what she eats, which for a healthy bmi child is wrong.

TheStoic Sun 21-Oct-18 12:23:41

Isn’t the build for it?

Unless you want her to make a living professionally from dance or gymnastics, (which is incredibly unlikely) PLEASE don’t discourage her from doing things she loves just because of the shape of her body.

GinIsIn Sun 21-Oct-18 12:26:07

It doesn’t sound like there’s an issue with her. It does seem like there’s one with you, however. You need to consider the way you think about her and her weight.

FissionChips Sun 21-Oct-18 12:26:21

Yabu. Perhaps you ought to get some type of therapy to help sort your strange thinking before it impacts on your dd.

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Oct-18 12:26:55

you say you watch what she eats, which for a healthy bmi child is wrong.


How can it be wrong?

It's probably one of the reasons her child has a healthy BMI.

Purplesky2 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:27:08

I’m not discouraging her from gymnastic but she does get down about never getting a certificate - she is heavy for her age (I’m not saying height) and holding that weight in a handstand/bridge is difficult for her.
Not really worried about her weight but obviously she has meat on her. I’m just aware that she is 20cm taller than her peers which is a lot and it is very noticeable.

TheStoic Sun 21-Oct-18 12:29:04

Not really worried about her weight but obviously she has meat on her. I’m just aware that she is 20cm taller than her peers which is a lot and it is very noticeable.

What do you propose to do about her ‘height problem’?

GinIsIn Sun 21-Oct-18 12:29:09

Are you sure she’s 20cm taller than her peers?! She’s only 38cm taller than my DS and he’s not yet 2! confused

MsOliphant Sun 21-Oct-18 12:29:23

Wow, she’s in for a treat growing up isn’t she?!

She might be slim by the tube she reaches her teens but I doubt she’ll have any self esteem. Way to go OP!

MsOliphant Sun 21-Oct-18 12:29:32


WorraLiberty Sun 21-Oct-18 12:30:01

She's only 7 years old OP

There will be lots of 7 year olds who won't be getting certificates in their chosen hobbies/sports, until they practice harder etc.

It's probably got nothing to do with her weight and height...just the fact that she's 7.

I agree with PPs, you do seem to have a strange attitude.

Purplesky2 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:30:22

Yes I do have to tell her enough is enough when she has had her large dinner and a yoghurt and 3 pieces of fruit and still says she is hungry. I don’t restrict her otherwise but she has the appetite of a teenager. I suppose she is as tall as some!!

MsOliphant Sun 21-Oct-18 12:30:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 21-Oct-18 12:31:34

Isn't it possible that she's perhaps just not strong enough or very good at it.

At Dds gym class there kids of all builds.

I'm a little confused tbh because the weight and height you have given she's perfectly fine. But now you think she's to heavy to do gymnastics? Which is it? For reference my dd is 12 amd 140 cm and about 33.5 kg so not really a huge difference and she can do the bridge . Dont see how your dd is too heavy

Caprisunorange Sun 21-Oct-18 12:32:27

It’s not unusual at all to be worried about your daughter being large confused I don’t understand why people are pretending the don’t understand what she means.

My niece is very tall and I know it’s an issue for her. Of course her parents worry. My DD has a large build and I do worry it will cause her issues. It’s totally normal

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Oct-18 12:33:24

Yes I do have to tell her enough is enough when she has had her large dinner and a yoghurt and 3 pieces of fruit and still says she is hungry.

Good. There's nothing wrong with that. Kids need to know they can't just sit about endlessly eating. Distract her and get her to drink a lot more fluids.

Lots of kids will eat out of boredom and claim it's hunger.

MsOliphant Sun 21-Oct-18 12:33:34

OP posted about being worried about dd’s Weight two years Which was fine then too.

Im not sure how she’s mamanged to avoid giving the poor kid a complex in the meantime.

TheStoic Sun 21-Oct-18 12:33:44

Message withdrawn as it quoted a deleted post.

GrumpyOldBlonde Sun 21-Oct-18 12:34:20

You really need to address your attitude here, having a child with a 6'5 man was fairly obviously going to produce a tall child, there is bugger all you can do about her height and there is nothing wrong with being tall besides.

Vampiratequeen Sun 21-Oct-18 12:35:32

I think YABVU and are going to Gove her serious issues if you carry on the way you are. I was always very tall and thin when I was your DD's age, there was only 1 girl taller than me. I am now shorter than most of my friends and borderline obese.

Vampiratequeen Sun 21-Oct-18 12:36:41

Sorry meant to add, she is just a child there is plenty of time for society to put pressure in her about her weight, without you starting it early, is she was actually classed as over weight I would understand more, just let her be a child ffs.

Zoflorabore Sun 21-Oct-18 12:36:57

My dd is also 7 ( 8 in February ) and is overweight at 40kg and is 130cm, recently measured.

She has a fantastic appetite and this has largely caused the problem and has had to stop some of her activities due to having severe asthma.
Since she has started back at school she is slimming down slightly due to all of the running around and I'm looking at her joining clubs that focus on the activity rather than entering competitions etc.

It depends on the cohort too if your dd looks bigger. Lots of my dd's friends are teeny tiny and she looks even bigger.

In the year above there are several girls of bigger build.
We're working on it though. I do not want to give her a complex.
It's tough flowers

Purplesky2 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:37:39

I am glad I’m being unreasonable.
I sway between not worrying and then worrying too much.
I’ll stick at not worrying.

Whoisshequestionmark Sun 21-Oct-18 12:38:59

She's not heavy for her height. It's her weight vs height you need to look at. If she's that much taller than her peers you can't compare her weight to theirs.

She's tall due to genetics. No diet is going to fix that. You need to tread carefully not to make this an issue for her. It's something that can't be fixed. Stop worrying about other people's comments. Your daughter is what's important.

ShalomJackie Sun 21-Oct-18 12:39:30

I am more worried about your attitude and the fact that you are likely to leave her with some form of eating disorder and esteem issues.

coffeeagogo Sun 21-Oct-18 12:40:41

Op - I mean this from a good place but just stop! Be your daughters champion - don't compare her just encourage her.

I have 2 DDs - 9 years old and 155cm - size 6 shoes and 7 years old 145cm. No idea what they weigh but I can count their ribs so I assume they are just fine.

I encourage them to dance and do gymnastics and achieve the best they can in them but they are never going to be able to get to the level their friends achieve with ease - they aren't made that way, but I encourage them to train and practice. They do other things too that are more suited to their bodies - they are both brilliant swimmers, they do karate and are just discovering netball.

My mum (was/is) tiny 5' and a size 10 and growing up just didn't get it - was so unhelpful in a trying to be helpful way (compared me, discouraged me from things I wanted to try as she perceived that I wouldn't be good a then) and didn't understand how truly hard it was being extremely tall. She was always just a little bit negative about my height and build, as I am not slim - big boned is the phrase she would use to talk about me.... I was 6'1 by the time I was 13 and it was so difficult to build my self esteem up as an adult.

Anyway, I thought you may appreciate it from someone that has been there. Trust me your daughter knows she's tall and big. And will hear it a million times from a million different people who don't mean to be rude and/or hurtful but can't resist commenting on her size - please please just tell her she is amazing and she can do everything.

SendintheArdwolves Sun 21-Oct-18 12:41:12

Christ, you sound like my mum. She "worried" about my physicality as I was growing up. I was tall and strongly built and she thought that was...less than ideal.

I will never forget how she used to look at me - a mixture of bafflement and frustration that she had such a lot of daughter. She never said directly "you are too big and that is a bad thing" - it was just clear that she "worried" and wished I was different.

I'm not sure exactly what the problem was - that I would be different from my peers, that men wouldn't find me attractive, that it was wrong for a woman to be tall?

Her worry achieved nothing - I continued growing into my late teens and now am over six foot. All she did was make me feel bad about myself.

And she was wrong - being tall is excellent.

PenApple Sun 21-Oct-18 12:43:06

My 9yo is 152cm and 40kg. I’ve not worked out her BMI but she looks perfectly proportioned (albeit a huge amount taller than her friends) I only have the above figures from a recent hospital admission.

I think I know where you’re coming from, I worry my DD will feel more akward the older she gets, although she thankfully doesn’t seem to be bothered by her height & advanced development at the moment.

FissionChips Sun 21-Oct-18 12:43:49

I’ve just AS you, you really do have a complex about your daughters build.
It’s not healthy to be as obsessed and worried as you are, please get some help, you’ll feel much happier.

Redken24 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:44:02

Christ you sound terrible. I hope you are a troll!
Poor girl with your strange views on what's small for a person.
She's healthy - count your blessings.

Papergirl1968 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:44:53

I was a tall kid. Me and another girl were head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Started my periods at ten, and had stopped growing pretty much by 11 or 12, at 5ft 7ins, and everyone else then started to catch up or in some cases overtake me.
It is hard being the odd one out. I was self conscious, probably not at seven but certainly by the time I was hitting puberty, and aware that some clothes which looked cute on my friends looked frankly ridiculous on me. School uniforms especially gingham summer dresses don’t really suit bigger girls.
If I were you I’d encourage healthy eating while being aware that she will require more food than the average seven year old, and encourage her to keep going with the gymnastics and dance, along with lots of positive comments along the lines of “you’re lovely and tall, just like your daddy,” or “you look like a supermodel with those long legs.”

Veterinari Sun 21-Oct-18 12:45:07

OP i’m 80kg and I can hold a handstand weight has nothing to do with it - it’s technique and strength. Encourage her to practice and she’ll achieve it.
As others have said, be her champion

Pootlewasthebest Sun 21-Oct-18 12:45:10

As a fellow tall person, there’s nothing wrong with her, but there is something wrong with your attitude. I was taller than your daughter at the same age, and I did gymnastics and dancing and was good at them. It never occurred to me not to do them because of my build, but that’s because I had supportive parents who told me I could do anything I set my mind to. I loved being tall and still do.

SausageOnAFork Sun 21-Oct-18 12:45:28

A cautionary tale op.

My mother was like you. Constantly worried about my weight. Constantly telling me when to stop eating and being very controlling over what I ate. She would tell me that I was fat and that no one want to be friends with a fat girl.
As soon as I was old enough to go into town (we lived rurally, no local shops) I would buy chocolate, cakes, sweets and other crap and smuggle it home.
When I left home and was free to eat what I wanted I hugely over ate.
Now I am quite overweight and have only just stopped hiding food.
My mother still calls me to tell me I’m fat.
I rarely speak to her anymore.

Is this what you want for your daughter because this is exactly what you are doing.

BigFatLiar Sun 21-Oct-18 12:46:39

She's still young, maybe she'll keep growing and be tall,maybe she won't. What she needs most is support and encouragement to be the best she can and as happy as she can.
As for are you wrong to worry, you're her mum - thats your job. I expect you'll still be worrying when she's 27 never mind 7.

BumsexAtTheBingo Sun 21-Oct-18 12:48:32

There are plenty of sports where height is an asset. If she’s downhearted about not getting certificates in gymnastics then I’d encourage her to try other sports. Basketball, netball, athletics, football. Most sports actually her height will give her an advantage as she will be competing against kids the same age.
I’m not sure why height would be a barrier to being a dancer though? What kind of dance is she interested in?

DevilsAdvocados Sun 21-Oct-18 12:49:17

She wants to be good at gymnastics and dance but isn’t the build for it but I encourage her anyway but am pushing her to being enthusiastic about netball and hockey.

As others have said above this is ridiculous and unreasonable. She is only 7. How can you have written off your daughter because of her body type at that age? Poor thing, if you are "pushing her" towards other things, she'll pick up on it and only develope a complex.

The key age for gymnastics is about 14 to 18. Professional gymnasts typically retire at 16 - 18. Her body type may change drastically in that time. Besides, muscular power is a key attribute for gymnasts - being powerful is not a failing.

thaegumathteth Sun 21-Oct-18 12:50:00

20cm taller than her peers? She’s the same height as my 7 year old. In her class there are maybe 6/7 the same height and most are maybe 5-8cm taller with vey very few significantly shorter .

GinIsIn Sun 21-Oct-18 12:50:45

Christ alive OP. This is your 6th thread about your daughter’s weight. You need help!

Quartz2208 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:51:17

OP you married a man at 6ft 5 (99.6th centile) and at 5 ft 6 you are not small you are 3 inches above the average height (and indeed in todays standards are the 75th centile for height) is it any wonder you have a 98th centile daughter?

DD has a friend who is tall and well built and she excelled at gymnastics - DD who looks like a gymnast in her build is rubbish at it!

IggyAce Sun 21-Oct-18 12:52:30

My dd now 12 spent her early primary days head and shoulders above her peers, by year 6 a few had caught up. She is still tall now but others are catching up especially the boys. I didn’t bat an eyelid and all I worried about was getting uniform with adjustable waist so it was long enough but didn’t hang off her.
I think you need to get a grip and stop seeing it as an issue.

Ollivander84 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:52:33

I'm 5ft 10 and built like a power lifter. Big shoulders, broad build. And heavy
This was me last week. I should add I'm usually better than these photos but I'm post spinal surgery
You need to be her champion, not telling her what she can't do. Tell her what she can!

LimitIsUp Sun 21-Oct-18 12:53:21

Big yawn at dance and gymnastics. Perhaps your dd is more powerfully built and will do well at sprinting (which is much more fun imo).

smallchanceofrain Sun 21-Oct-18 12:53:37

She's 7, she's active and she's healthy. You don't need to give her a complex about either her height or her weight. You don't need to steer her towards activities and sports you think suit her build. Just let her enjoy being herself. Genetics will probably dictate that she's going to be super model stature. Please don't give her the eating disorder to go with it.

Sparklesocks Sun 21-Oct-18 12:54:29

She’s incredibly young.
And she may not make it is a professional gymnast but that doesn’t mean you should discourage her. Kids are meant to do activities because they enjoy them, they keep fit and make friends - you can’t just pull them out if they’re not top of the class.

Teach her the benefits of a healthy, balanced diet - don’t deprive her of treats but don’t go overboard either. Her body is an amazing instrument capable of great things and she should grow up loving it and having awareness of its power. Don’t give her a complex about her body, she will carry that her entire life.

RedPandaMama Sun 21-Oct-18 12:55:13

@SausageOnAFork your experience echoes mine so much! Do we have the same mother hmm
I was the same. Growing up always tallest girl in my class, chubby but never not in the healthy BMI range. Yet was constantly told I was fat and and that my parents were ashamed of me. Same thing happened to me and at 14 I became a binge eater, became overweight (not hugely, was a size 14) then by 15 was bulimic and self-harming.

This is not the way to go. Keep eating healthily. Encourage her to do any and every activity she wants to. Let her grow to be her own person and build her up rather than shooting her down.

Muddlingalongalone Sun 21-Oct-18 12:55:51

I don't think yabu OP as long as you are not sharing your concerns with your dd1, although if her bmi is healthy then I wouldn't worry too much.
My dd1 is 7 and same height but heavier than your dd and it worries me a lot. She is visibly overweight & obsessed with food.
I'm letting her try all sorts of different activities and just trying to watch her diet & keep her active but undoubtedly dancing and gymnastics are more naturally easy for her smaller, lighter peers & even in my case dd2 who is only 3 but a more average size.
I think it's a very fine balance between supporting her, controlling her and setting her up for a lifetime of paranoia about her physical appearance and I don't know if I am getting the balance right but awareness and trying different strategies is the first step for me.

Potplant2 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:58:33

I’m 5’5 and would love to be taller. Think of all the gorgeous tall women there are. CJ in the West Wing, who I believe is 6’, is my idol.

It’s quite possible that she may just be growing early. I was tall as a pre teen but then all my friends caught up at puberty. But given the height of her parents it’s also possible that she may grow into a tall woman. I’d be affirming her in that. Catwalk models and many actresses are tall. So are many ordinary women. Talk to her about them. Or even better, stop worrying about her height and weight and be utterly matter of fact about both.

You really are on track to give her an eating disorder, or at least, very disordered eating habits. And to wreck your relationship with her. Back off.

Purplesky2 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:58:59

Of course I don’t tell her any of my worries.
I’m fact she made noise about giving up gymnastics but I encouraged her to go for the strength and conditioning.
Of course I give her treats like chocolate and cakes. Probably more that I should. But I do tell her when enough is enough.
I’m not an idiot and what a really likes is the stories from women who love their height as of course that is what I want acheive for my daughter.

twattymctwatterson Sun 21-Oct-18 13:01:42

I bet your daughter understands that you don't like the way she looks- because that's what it boils down to. You've started umpteen threads about her (perfectly healthy) weight over the years. There's no way that doesn't come across. I mean I take it you know how to check a BMI calculator yourself?

Ollivander84 Sun 21-Oct-18 13:02:00

and what @LimitIsUp said. I was a great sprinter and loved it

TheWiseWomansFear Sun 21-Oct-18 13:02:50

5'6 is quite tall I'm not sure why you think you're short?

Anyway my sister was the tallest in her class all through primary and then stopped growing in yr7. She's tiny now.

explodingkitten Sun 21-Oct-18 13:04:43

You sound like your daughter is supposed to be elegant, thin and petite for you. How many camels do you want for her? Maybe you should focus on the fact that she is healthy, or funny or interesting or smart or a zillion other things that she could be. Maybe you should want her to be happy. She wasn't born to be a little doll, she is a unique person and you should be happy with that. If she grows tall, she grows tall. Have you seen the Olympic basketball women? They all have very long legs. Or the Dutch teenagers? There's nothing wrong with being tall.

Pythonesque Sun 21-Oct-18 13:05:06

Ok lots of good stuff been said above. As a tall woman with tall children now very lean teenagers, I would be very happy for you to message me to talk it through if you'd like to.

Looking at the charts, your daughter is probably around 15 cm taller than average for her age, the reality in her immediate peer group will then vary by chance and who is old/young in the class. So yes I can well imagine she is 20 cm taller than her friends. As a child I was generally "a head" taller than my younger sister; and in turn she was usually about the size of my own classmates. As a young child I was literally "off the charts" and apparently they would just look at whether height and weight were in proportion to check I was ok.

Now, as to your daughter - she is definitely a healthy weight and one of the best things you can do is provide her with a good range of healthy food and allow her to eat to her appetite. That way she can remain in touch with her appetite.

I do understand what you mean about dance and gymnastics. Children who are tall tend to be growing faster much of the time and are often less flexible than their shorter peers. That lack of flexibility can have an impact on what they can achieve. BUT, at the age of 7 these are great activities and she should be encouraged to keep enjoying them and aim for personal improvement.

The other thing that may well be noticeable size wise, is that if she is more or less in proportion, she will be wider than many of her peers. Children don't change width all that much from perhaps 4 or 5, until early puberty. So you may perceive your daughter as "heavy build" from that when she is not, and without anything else changing will probably look lovely and lean by the age of 12 or (much) earlier.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight Sun 21-Oct-18 13:06:19

She should celebrate her height (I say this as a shortarse) and you should back the hell off about her (perfectly fine) weight and sort out your own attitudes before you give her an eating disorder.

Kr1stina Sun 21-Oct-18 13:07:51

OP you don’t need stories about women who love their height.

You need therapy or counselling. Seriously. You are going to make your daughter very unhappy or even unwell if you don’t get some help for yourself.

pointythings Sun 21-Oct-18 13:12:40

I am the tall parent of two tall DDs - currently 5'10'' and 5'9'', the youngest is only 15. Both are still growing and I expect they will be taller than I am. They have both found a sport they love (archery) and are active and healthy. And yes, they have always been tall - DD1 was in adult jeans by age 10. If you are feeling such intense anxiety over your DD, I think you should look at getting some counselling - living with such stress isn't good for you. You have the insight to realise your DD's height and weight are fine - now take the next step and get some help to bring yourself some peace of mind.

Missingstreetlife Sun 21-Oct-18 13:16:37

She's tall, she will need to eat more than a small person, if she's hungry make sure there are healthy snacks, hungry people don't have strength and it may affect her health, concentration, mood. She may still be growing, people grow at different rates and times, she may slow down later but don't restrict her food unles she is overweight, even then children should not diet.
The biggest problem for tall children is people's expectations that they act older, which they are not emotionally prepared for. Give her a hug and tell her she's lovely

SendintheArdwolves Sun 21-Oct-18 13:19:24

Also, you seem to think that you are keeping all these "worries" and "concerns" from your daughter and that she has no idea you think that she is too big and therefore loads of things (gymnastics, dancing, fitting in, being happy, etc) are going to be SO MUCH HARDER for her.

You aren't keeping it from her. She will pick up on it (I did, even though my mother will claim she never mentioned it). Children are very attuned to their parents emotions and she will be well aware that her size is a bad thing.

Knittedfairies Sun 21-Oct-18 13:20:40

She can still enjoy dance and gymnastics though, even if she isn’t ‘built’ for it. Maybe the Chinese or Russians wouldn’t whisk her away at 7 to intensive training camps to produce Olympic athletes, but she can enjoy herself.

WildIrishRose1 Sun 21-Oct-18 13:21:56

I'm the mum of late teens / early twenties DD and DS who are both 6' 2". I reckon my DS has not quite finished growing yet, as he has taken a leap only this year. I used to worry occasionally about my daughter's height and build as she was quite a bit taller than her peers, but alway encouraged her. I'm so proud that she, in particular, has no hang-ups about her height, often wearing 6" heels and rocking them! My son isn't bothered about height either. grin

Elephant14 Sun 21-Oct-18 13:26:04

You describe her as a "large daughter". That's all I need to know sad.

saoirse31 Sun 21-Oct-18 13:26:39

op you seem consumed with worry, not just about this, though this frequently, but re your children growing up also. I hope you do/ did get some counselling and that it helps you, as you really don't seem to be happy most of the time.

Re your Dd, stop worrying about which sports are suitable for her and encourage and support her in the sports she likes. And try to not let her know that you are so obsessed about her size.

starzig Sun 21-Oct-18 13:29:53

More confused about 5ft 6 being quite small.hmm
You are tall, dad is tall she will be tall. Not all gymnasts are 4ft 10 any more.

alwayslearning789 Sun 21-Oct-18 13:34:01

I understand where you are coming from OP, as a tall and larger woman myself. It took my mum a long time to accept that dainty was never a word that would be used to describe me.

Genetics determine height and you cannot change that.

What you can influence and change is your daughter's self love and encouragement for who she is.

Healthy eating and exercise all the way, and also most importantly learning to embrace and love the skin you are in always.

fiadhflower Sun 21-Oct-18 13:41:53

I was tall and skinny as a child and teenager and had so, so many comments about it. These comments made me feel like a freak, like there was something really wrong with me. And I noticed this from the time I was very little - I can remember how a small friend was always described as cute by adults, but no one said that about me (who towered over her).

Luckily my parent never commented negatively, other than to talk positively about the benefits of being tall. I am grateful for this because I grew up to be happy to be tall.

I’m still slim - lower end of healthy BMI - and stopped growing at 5’10. I no longer feel exceptional tall - I work in an office where lots of the women are 5’8 to 6’1. But because of all the comments about my weight, I spent years wondering if I was too skinny and therefore disgusting. It probably took me until my mid-20s until I felt okay about my body. All of those comments I received were just unnecessary - I ate well and just happened to be tall and slim.

Please do all you can to help your daughter feel positive about her height and her body.

BarbedBloom Sun 21-Oct-18 13:48:40

I am 6ft 2 and will never be dainty. I have broad shoulders and I do remember feeling awkward doing ballet with all the tiny slim girls, but now I am older i wouldn’t change anything. I love being tall. I see a lot of very tall girls and women these days, years ago I never saw women as tall as me but it is a regular occurrence now. I found swimming helped build my strength, so may be worth finding something to help with that to make the gym holds easier for her

RoseGoldEagle Sun 21-Oct-18 13:54:09

You’re sad because she’s never going to have a ‘small frame’? This is your issue, your daughter sounds healthy and normal.

Missingstreetlife Sun 21-Oct-18 13:54:44

Google tall women. Plenty of beautiful cebrities, tennis players, models.... Michelle Obama is fabulous. Just relax

peachgreen Sun 21-Oct-18 13:54:47

OP if you don't get professional help to tackle this obsession with your daughter's weight you are dooming her to a lifetime of disordered eating at best, full-blown eating disorder at worst, and severely damaging your chances of having a relationship with her into adulthood. Sorry to be so blunt but this is a serious matter. Your preoccupation with it isn't normal or healthy.

moredoll Sun 21-Oct-18 13:55:11

Agree with pp. If gymnastics isn't her thing and she's asking to stop why not encourage her to take up swimming or tennis?

Mummadeeze Sun 21-Oct-18 13:55:18

My daughter is really tall for age (9), she has size 6 feet, and I think she looks stunning. She is also a talented dancer. I do kind of understand your irrational fears though as she put a bit of weight on on holiday and I felt myself freaking out a little bit ( inside) because I don’t want her to grow into weight problems. However, I know this is my issue (as she is not at all fat, it was a little bit of weight on her tummy which soon went), so I was VERY careful not to do or say anything that would let her into my thoughts. You need to work hard to do the same as it will affect her self esteem if you give away how you are feeling.

Kahlua4me Sun 21-Oct-18 13:58:59

Darcey Bussell was always told she was too big to be a ballerina!

My ds was always big, meaty, as a youngster. He did gymnastics and I used to see the coaches bracing themselves to help him onto the rings 😊😊. However he is now 15, perfectly slim and very active. He simply grew into his frame and probably had what used to be called “puppy fat” .

I think you need to concentrate on building her self esteem and not worry about what you think she can and can’t do. Encourage her to eat fruit and drink water in between meals, but definitely without making an issue about it. Please don’t let her know your thoughts or you are paving a way to a lifetime of low confidence and eating problems...

puppymouse Sun 21-Oct-18 14:00:17

I don't get defensive and arsey about threads on here much but this is ridiculous.

I remember my riding school owner making me stand on the scales before I rode my favourite pony one day. She insisted I was too heavy for her. I was 9.5 stone. Horse was easily able to carry me. Like your DD my family are tall. I was only 11 but I was 5 7" with DD+ boobs and size 7 feet. I was humiliated by adults a fair bit because of it. I am still the same build, and size now. Just a bit heavier.

If she's getting plenty of exercise just keep her doing what she's doing and stop feeling sorry for her or judging her for being tall and well built. Gahhh.

InfiniteVariety Sun 21-Oct-18 14:00:39

SendintheArdwolves and SausageOnAFork

2 very wise posts - take note of these OP

ineedtostopbeingsolazy Sun 21-Oct-18 14:07:05

You need to get over yourself and stop hankering after a tiny petite daughter. It's your fault she's tall as you chose to have a child with a man who is 6'5 so let her do what activities she wants and love her for whatever she is.

FellSwoop Sun 21-Oct-18 14:07:09

I taught a little girl last year who was in y4 and 5ft 3" and, at a guess, about 8.5 stone. She was a wonderful gymnast, dancer and swimmer. She is encouraged at home and incredibly confident.

Volant Sun 21-Oct-18 14:15:53

You worry about her height? Why? If she grows up tall it will be a major advantage to her in all sorts of ways.

Bluntness100 Sun 21-Oct-18 14:18:05

Op, do you have food issues? You are quite light yourself, and Your op is rather unusual. There is nothing wrong with your daughter, there is nothing to be sad about. As such, I am concerned you think being "small " is something aspirational and you're already putting a fucked up value against your kid when you look at her. You should be looking at her and feeling pleased she is a healthy bmi, a good height and ha a healthy appetite. Not feeling sad for her or worried about her. The fact you are says something about your own mental state.

timetodothis Sun 21-Oct-18 14:23:19

My daughter is tall and absolutely stunning. My husband is over 6 foot so I was never going to have a dainty petite little thing. It's not rocket science.
I've taught her to celebrate her height. Believe it or not OP there are numerous advantages to being tall and maybe you should stop focusing on the negatives.
I bet you're one of those people who can't help commenting on a person's tallness. It's incredibly rude. Would you go up to someone and comment on the fact they're overweight or really short? I bet not.

It's good to see so many positive attitudes on this thread.

timetodothis Sun 21-Oct-18 14:25:56

I am concerned you think being "small " is something aspirational

Yes. It's not the 1950s any more.

DistanceCall Sun 21-Oct-18 14:36:18

Looking at your other threads, it sounds like you have serious problems in the rest of your life, and your displacing your worries onto your daughter (presumably because you feel it's something you can control).

You probably have a tall, large-boned daughter. Leave her alone. And find some help for yourself.

Feefeetrixabelle Sun 21-Oct-18 14:45:53

You need to seek some help about this constant weight worrying. Your daughter is fine. She’s a normal height, a normal weight and is active. What the fuck more do you want OP? Be grateful for the child you have. Encourage her to do whatever she wants to do and tell her that’s it about trying hard not winning hard.

Bluntness100 Sun 21-Oct-18 14:52:32

I'm also slightly concerned now looking at your other threads. You are constantly worrying about your children's weight and heights, when not only is there nothing wrong with them, it seems you can't let it go, and need to ask thbe question constantly, of doctors, your ex and on here. In addition it seems like you're a nurse, so should know there is nothing wrong with your kids.

I think possibly you might need to see a doctor about you. For the simple reason I don't know how your kids can be unaware of your feelings that fundamentally they are not normal or something is wrong with them. This isn't just a one off question, it's constant from you.

Honestly, I'd speak to your doctor if I was you.

username1724 Sun 21-Oct-18 14:57:29

My dd is 8, also weighs 32kg but is only about 120cms so is classed as overweight. In regards to gymnastics my dd is ace, can do all the flips, cart wheels, handstands and can bridge and flip her body over even 😲 shes very flexible and will practice in her spare time. I don't think your dds size is much to do with it, if she likes it then let her carry on, the more she practices the better she gets. You really need to change your view on it. I feed my dd much better than I did before (not awful but just complacent) but we've taken a new stance with eating and I can see her body changing slowly. If you're feeding her correctly and shes getting plenty of exercise just relax. Love her as she is, teach her to love herself and fill with confidence. Models have to be very tall, height is not a bad thing she is who she is. As long as she healthy that's all that matters but don't judge her for who she is.

bridgetreilly Sun 21-Oct-18 14:57:31

I am concerned you think being "small " is something aspirational

Yes. It's not the 1950s any more.

This. The thing that most worries me for your daughter is that you are sad for her. There is nothing wrong with her size or shape at all.

Escolar Sun 21-Oct-18 15:03:18

When my DD was 7 she was the same height as yours. She's now 11 and 159cm. She loves being tall and slim! She enjoys gymnastics, dancing, netball and swimming.

Coyoacan Sun 21-Oct-18 15:08:18

My daughter is a dancer and tall girls are definitely preferred.

I think you are expected too much of a seven-year-old, which unfortunately people tend to do with the tall ones.

tolerable Sun 21-Oct-18 15:24:45

get a heap of cushions or the matress off the bed on to the floor against the practise handstands,of course she can support her own weight.she needs practice.lots of it.she can crawl down backwards or you can support her maybe..doubt its health safety-its how we did it tho.x

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 21-Oct-18 15:35:40

OP, please just stop it. Whatever hang-ups you have from your own childhood, leave them there and do not inflict them on your daughter.

I'm annoyed with your thread title as well. Plus the assertion that you think you're small. You're not. Did you marry your 6'5" husband because you thought he would make you feel small, delicate and petite and that's what you needed? This is not about you any longer, you have another life that is more important than your own to do your best for.

If you can't do the best for your daughter by making her feel secure and loved and herself unconcerned with her weight and height at AGE 7 (ffs!angry), then do her a favour and spend a lot less time with her.

What does your husband think of your obsessive nonsense and preoccupation? You have several posters giving your cautionary warnings of how your behaviour is likely to manifest in your daughter.

Posters on this thread have told you that she is not overweight. Not just one but many. Why do you persist with this?

Whether you get help for yourself or not is up to you really, you're an adult. I do care that you are about to unleash your neuroses on your daughter WHO IS 7! She doesn't deserve that.

greencatbluecat Sun 21-Oct-18 15:53:55

Gymnastics is obviously harder if you are tall..... it's due to the smaller power to weight ratio and the disadvantage of having longer leavers.

Also, certain body types tend not to be very supple and if your DD is one of those then that also makes it harder.

However, I am very tall and I absolutely loved gymnastics when I was a child. I belonged to a two clubs and went about 4-times a week (my poor parents!). My mum even qualified as a gymnastics coach so she could do something useful rather than sit around and wait.

I was incredibly super fit by the time I was 12.

Encourage your DD if she enjoys it OP.

If you want to find a sport that she might Excel at ..... find out what body type she has (ectomorph, endomorph etc) and that will help you decide. Maybe rowing? Swimming?

greencatbluecat Sun 21-Oct-18 15:54:52

And I forgot to say I was useless at gymnastics but I loved it

amymel2016 Sun 21-Oct-18 15:59:02

I don’t understand why you’re bothered by this or mention her height (even in a good way) to her. She’s the perfect weight for her height, stop worrying about it and mentioning it to her, or you’ll have more than your issues to deal with! I was a tall child but a average woman now, no one ever mentioned it.

AustrianSnow Sun 21-Oct-18 16:24:58

My DD is the same age, height and just a few pounds lighter. She loves being tall. She looks fab and can carry off clothes brilliantly. Admittedly I couldn’t put her in Mary-janes and a tartan dress as she looks far too old for that but then she wouldn’t let me anyway. Far too cool for that. She’s really good at gymnastics too. You’re projecting your concerns into her and she’ll pick up on it and be uncomfortable in her own skin.

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth Sun 21-Oct-18 16:27:08

She's like my DD 11. There's nothing wrong with her. Don't give her the message that there is.

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