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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about large daughter.

169 replies

Purplesky2 · 21/10/2018 12:15

I feel a little bit sad for her. She is 7 and 138cm and 32kg. Not fat but not going to have slim frame ever. Dad is 6ft 5 so she is going to be tall. I’m quite small at 5ft 6 and 9 stone.
People assume she is 10
She wants to be good at gymnastics and dance but isn’t the build for it but I encourage her anyway but am pushing her to being enthusiastic about netball and hockey.
I watch her eating - she loves food and has a large appetite. I encourage lots of activity. I don’t mention her size in a negative way at all and big up the tall said of it but everyone and then I notice how much taller she is than her peers and she sticks out.
I’m hoping she will stop growing earlier and everyone will catch up.

OP posts:
Mummadeeze · 21/10/2018 13:55

My daughter is really tall for age (9), she has size 6 feet, and I think she looks stunning. She is also a talented dancer. I do kind of understand your irrational fears though as she put a bit of weight on on holiday and I felt myself freaking out a little bit ( inside) because I don’t want her to grow into weight problems. However, I know this is my issue (as she is not at all fat, it was a little bit of weight on her tummy which soon went), so I was VERY careful not to do or say anything that would let her into my thoughts. You need to work hard to do the same as it will affect her self esteem if you give away how you are feeling.

Kahlua4me · 21/10/2018 13:58

Darcey Bussell was always told she was too big to be a ballerina!

My ds was always big, meaty, as a youngster. He did gymnastics and I used to see the coaches bracing themselves to help him onto the rings 😊😊. However he is now 15, perfectly slim and very active. He simply grew into his frame and probably had what used to be called “puppy fat” .

I think you need to concentrate on building her self esteem and not worry about what you think she can and can’t do. Encourage her to eat fruit and drink water in between meals, but definitely without making an issue about it. Please don’t let her know your thoughts or you are paving a way to a lifetime of low confidence and eating problems...

puppymouse · 21/10/2018 14:00

I don't get defensive and arsey about threads on here much but this is ridiculous.

I remember my riding school owner making me stand on the scales before I rode my favourite pony one day. She insisted I was too heavy for her. I was 9.5 stone. Horse was easily able to carry me. Like your DD my family are tall. I was only 11 but I was 5 7" with DD+ boobs and size 7 feet. I was humiliated by adults a fair bit because of it. I am still the same build, and size now. Just a bit heavier.

If she's getting plenty of exercise just keep her doing what she's doing and stop feeling sorry for her or judging her for being tall and well built. Gahhh.

InfiniteVariety · 21/10/2018 14:00

SendintheArdwolves and SausageOnAFork

2 very wise posts - take note of these OP

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 21/10/2018 14:07

You need to get over yourself and stop hankering after a tiny petite daughter. It's your fault she's tall as you chose to have a child with a man who is 6'5 so let her do what activities she wants and love her for whatever she is.

FellSwoop · 21/10/2018 14:07

I taught a little girl last year who was in y4 and 5ft 3" and, at a guess, about 8.5 stone. She was a wonderful gymnast, dancer and swimmer. She is encouraged at home and incredibly confident.

Volant · 21/10/2018 14:15

You worry about her height? Why? If she grows up tall it will be a major advantage to her in all sorts of ways.

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2018 14:18

Op, do you have food issues? You are quite light yourself, and Your op is rather unusual. There is nothing wrong with your daughter, there is nothing to be sad about. As such, I am concerned you think being "small " is something aspirational and you're already putting a fucked up value against your kid when you look at her. You should be looking at her and feeling pleased she is a healthy bmi, a good height and ha a healthy appetite. Not feeling sad for her or worried about her. The fact you are says something about your own mental state.

timetodothis · 21/10/2018 14:23

My daughter is tall and absolutely stunning. My husband is over 6 foot so I was never going to have a dainty petite little thing. It's not rocket science.
I've taught her to celebrate her height. Believe it or not OP there are numerous advantages to being tall and maybe you should stop focusing on the negatives.
I bet you're one of those people who can't help commenting on a person's tallness. It's incredibly rude. Would you go up to someone and comment on the fact they're overweight or really short? I bet not.

It's good to see so many positive attitudes on this thread.

timetodothis · 21/10/2018 14:25

I am concerned you think being "small " is something aspirational

Yes. It's not the 1950s any more.

DistanceCall · 21/10/2018 14:36

Looking at your other threads, it sounds like you have serious problems in the rest of your life, and your displacing your worries onto your daughter (presumably because you feel it's something you can control).

You probably have a tall, large-boned daughter. Leave her alone. And find some help for yourself.

Feefeetrixabelle · 21/10/2018 14:45

You need to seek some help about this constant weight worrying. Your daughter is fine. She’s a normal height, a normal weight and is active. What the fuck more do you want OP? Be grateful for the child you have. Encourage her to do whatever she wants to do and tell her that’s it about trying hard not winning hard.

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2018 14:52

I'm also slightly concerned now looking at your other threads. You are constantly worrying about your children's weight and heights, when not only is there nothing wrong with them, it seems you can't let it go, and need to ask thbe question constantly, of doctors, your ex and on here. In addition it seems like you're a nurse, so should know there is nothing wrong with your kids.

I think possibly you might need to see a doctor about you. For the simple reason I don't know how your kids can be unaware of your feelings that fundamentally they are not normal or something is wrong with them. This isn't just a one off question, it's constant from you.

Honestly, I'd speak to your doctor if I was you.

username1724 · 21/10/2018 14:57

My dd is 8, also weighs 32kg but is only about 120cms so is classed as overweight. In regards to gymnastics my dd is ace, can do all the flips, cart wheels, handstands and can bridge and flip her body over even 😲 shes very flexible and will practice in her spare time. I don't think your dds size is much to do with it, if she likes it then let her carry on, the more she practices the better she gets. You really need to change your view on it. I feed my dd much better than I did before (not awful but just complacent) but we've taken a new stance with eating and I can see her body changing slowly. If you're feeding her correctly and shes getting plenty of exercise just relax. Love her as she is, teach her to love herself and fill with confidence. Models have to be very tall, height is not a bad thing she is who she is. As long as she healthy that's all that matters but don't judge her for who she is.

bridgetreilly · 21/10/2018 14:57

I am concerned you think being "small " is something aspirational

Yes. It's not the 1950s any more.

This. The thing that most worries me for your daughter is that you are sad for her. There is nothing wrong with her size or shape at all.

Escolar · 21/10/2018 15:03

When my DD was 7 she was the same height as yours. She's now 11 and 159cm. She loves being tall and slim! She enjoys gymnastics, dancing, netball and swimming.

Coyoacan · 21/10/2018 15:08

My daughter is a dancer and tall girls are definitely preferred.

I think you are expected too much of a seven-year-old, which unfortunately people tend to do with the tall ones.

tolerable · 21/10/2018 15:24

get a heap of cushions or the matress off the bed on to the floor against the wall.now practise handstands,of course she can support her own weight.she needs practice.lots of it.she can crawl down backwards or you can support her maybe..doubt its health safety-its how we did it tho.x

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/10/2018 15:35

OP, please just stop it. Whatever hang-ups you have from your own childhood, leave them there and do not inflict them on your daughter.

I'm annoyed with your thread title as well. Plus the assertion that you think you're small. You're not. Did you marry your 6'5" husband because you thought he would make you feel small, delicate and petite and that's what you needed? This is not about you any longer, you have another life that is more important than your own to do your best for.

If you can't do the best for your daughter by making her feel secure and loved and herself unconcerned with her weight and height at AGE 7 (ffs!Angry), then do her a favour and spend a lot less time with her.

What does your husband think of your obsessive nonsense and preoccupation? You have several posters giving your cautionary warnings of how your behaviour is likely to manifest in your daughter.

Posters on this thread have told you that she is not overweight. Not just one but many. Why do you persist with this?

Whether you get help for yourself or not is up to you really, you're an adult. I do care that you are about to unleash your neuroses on your daughter WHO IS 7! She doesn't deserve that.

greencatbluecat · 21/10/2018 15:53

Gymnastics is obviously harder if you are tall..... it's due to the smaller power to weight ratio and the disadvantage of having longer leavers.

Also, certain body types tend not to be very supple and if your DD is one of those then that also makes it harder.

However, I am very tall and I absolutely loved gymnastics when I was a child. I belonged to a two clubs and went about 4-times a week (my poor parents!). My mum even qualified as a gymnastics coach so she could do something useful rather than sit around and wait.

I was incredibly super fit by the time I was 12.

Encourage your DD if she enjoys it OP.

If you want to find a sport that she might Excel at ..... find out what body type she has (ectomorph, endomorph etc) and that will help you decide. Maybe rowing? Swimming?

greencatbluecat · 21/10/2018 15:54

And I forgot to say I was useless at gymnastics but I loved it

amymel2016 · 21/10/2018 15:59

I don’t understand why you’re bothered by this or mention her height (even in a good way) to her. She’s the perfect weight for her height, stop worrying about it and mentioning it to her, or you’ll have more than your issues to deal with! I was a tall child but a average woman now, no one ever mentioned it.

AustrianSnow · 21/10/2018 16:24

My DD is the same age, height and just a few pounds lighter. She loves being tall. She looks fab and can carry off clothes brilliantly. Admittedly I couldn’t put her in Mary-janes and a tartan dress as she looks far too old for that but then she wouldn’t let me anyway. Far too cool for that. She’s really good at gymnastics too. You’re projecting your concerns into her and she’ll pick up on it and be uncomfortable in her own skin.

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 21/10/2018 16:27

She's like my DD 11. There's nothing wrong with her. Don't give her the message that there is.

Annandale · 21/10/2018 16:42

I was 5'9" quite early on and i bloody loved it and still do, wish i was 5'10" if im honest. Always enjoyed dancing as a kid, i wasnt much good but i absolutely loved performing. My favourite dance was tap - it's really physical, brilliant music, costumes can be great, often done without partners, and all eyes are on you!! Would your daughter like a go at that? Have a look at Ann Miller on youtube, im sure she probably isnt as big as all that, but her physical presence on screen is about as delicate as a hurricane.

The only physical criticism my parents ever said to me was to nag me to stand up straight with my shoulders back and head up, to speak up and generally to take up space in the world. That and for being lazy about chopping wood. Being tall isnt anything to be proud of but it's a fantastic thing to enjoy.

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