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‘’Friend’’ snooped through my private messages.

(165 Posts)
NoseyFriendDilemma Sun 01-Jul-18 22:43:26

A bit of background. I have known this ‘friend’ ( term used loosely) since we were kids, through primary school and high school and we are now both in our mid twenties. We have had many a major fall out during the time we have known each other due to her sly and selfish ways. She doesn’t really treat her friends in a way that most people would consider acceptable, hence any friendships she does have don’t usually last and people we know mutually would usually describe her as ‘strange’

We are still acquainted as, even though we have had major fall outs in the past, she doesn’t have many friends and always comes back to me with her tail between her legs apologising for her her behaviour, and I never have the heart to tell her I don’t want anything to do with her anymore.

Most of my friends I have other than her have moved away and have partners and children and as such I don’t get to see them often so if I ever want to go anywhere or do anything I am stuck with her really.

Anyway, to the story:

A couple of months back she asked me to go away with her for a few days, and due to my mental health etc I thought it might be good to get away for a while, and I reasoned that even though she isn’t the greatest of friends, I could tolerate her for a few days and get some sun. She can be okay sometimes, and I knew if I didn’t go I wouldn’t get the chance to go with anyone else for various reasons, so I accepted.

We both know another girl who we met at school, this other girl is my best friend, but she hates the girl I went away with ( for reasons I understand) and when I was away, my best friend was sending me messages on facebook messenger a lot and was taking the piss out of this other ‘’friend’’ saying she’s weird etc. I was in agreement with this and told her I was sorry I came cause she’s strange etc etc, basically said a few things that she had wouldn’t have liked.

I was using a spare phone that didn’t have a passcode, as I just didn’t think about putting one on.

Next day, we were sat in a restaurant having breakfast and I went to the loo and left my phone on the table, and she must have looked through my messages while I was gone, as when I got back and picked my phone up I noticed messages from my best friend asking why I had ‘reacted’ to old messages on messenger just now. I said I hadn’t as I had been in the loo. The other girl was also acting weird around me at this point, but i didn’t want to go mad when we were were miles from home so I reasoned that I would confront her when we got home.

I’m absolutely livid that she had the cheek to snoop and go through my messages and I want to say something to her as I know for a fact she has done it, and she has proven that what was said about her was correct as she actually went through my property.

At the same time i don’t want to confront her because of what she read.

How would you approach this

Etino Sun 01-Jul-18 22:48:15

Snooping’s not good, but neither is botching about a friend to another one. Neither of you has the moral high ground. What contact do you have with her now?

ImSuchABigIdiot Sun 01-Jul-18 22:48:50

Sorry to hear about this - it sounds like a tough situation flowers

I think, firstly, you’ve definitely made the right decision to postpone talking about this until you’re both back home from the holiday.

I would suggest that you begin by saying to the friend that you noticed that she’d seen some of your private messages. Then you could perhaps ask her why she did it. Or perhaps you could ask her how she would feel if someone had read her private messages. What do you think about these suggestions? Sorry about this again sad

BasilFaulty Sun 01-Jul-18 22:49:21

You need to say something to her, you shouldn't have been slagging her off obviously, it sounds like neither of you get a lot from this friendship.

, she doesn’t have many friends

That's not your problem anymore

WeShouldBeFriends Sun 01-Jul-18 22:52:31

So you only hang around with her because your other friends are too busy with their own families now? It sounds like you're using her and slagging her off behind her back. I bet she's really hurt. She shouldn't have snooped though obviously.

unicorn56 Sun 01-Jul-18 22:53:51

She shouldn't have snooped but you come accross as horrible in this story.

SenoritaViva Sun 01-Jul-18 22:54:29

Maybe she was suspicious you were bitching about her behind her back, which you were. I think agreeing to go on holiday with someone then bitching about them isn't great either - possibly worse than an insecure snoop (although both pretty awful). I'd ask her if she saw the messages then be apologising.

TheMagnificentEthel Sun 01-Jul-18 22:54:50

You’re not friends. Leave each other alone.

Amanduh Sun 01-Jul-18 22:56:39

Well you’re a bitch and she’s rude and sneaky. If you call her out you’d better explain why you’ve been so horrible as well. I think you need to end this ‘friendship’ if you hate her this much and not bloody go away with her! If she’s sly, selfish and ‘strange’ why would you?! ‘I’m stuck with her if I want to do anything’ sounds like you’re using her just as much! Horrible pair

Thehop Sun 01-Jul-18 22:57:24

Neither of you are a good friend

Go your separate ways

Johnnyfinland Sun 01-Jul-18 22:57:56

She shouldn’t have snooped but bitching about someone while you’re on holiday with them is really horrid. Stop hanging out with her if you don’t like her, it isn’t her duty to provide you with social interactions in the absence of people you prefer. You are using her, stop contact as you clearly don’t like her, it isn’t your duty to be her friend either if you don’t actually want to be

KurriKurri Sun 01-Jul-18 22:59:30

I think bitching about someone while you are on holiday with them, trumps snooping in the poor behaviour stakes.
Neither are great though - I think you should part company, - with any luck you won't have to do anything, she'll be so pissed off about the messages she'll give you the old heave ho when you get home.

TidyDancer Sun 01-Jul-18 23:00:52

You sound horrible and are a blatant user. She doesn't sound great either, but you're the one who is most in the wrong here.

I would say you need to apologise but I think you'd humiliate her more by bringing it up.

End this friendship, you sound like you've both treated each other like crap and no one needs that in their life.

Thatssomebadhatharry Sun 01-Jul-18 23:01:57

Yes snooping is bad but you will get no sympathy here because you are a nasty bitch.

kaytee87 Sun 01-Jul-18 23:03:02

You're not coming across well op. Very 'mean girls'

You use her because you've no one else to hang about with then bitch about her when you're on holiday with her.

She probably looked as she suspected what you were doing.

gamerchick Sun 01-Jul-18 23:04:58

You haven't come across as a very nice person in this OP. You don't have the high ground here. She's probably feeling very hurt and that's her payback for snooping.

Let the friendship slide when you get back. You can't be 2 faced anymore.

user1473878824 Sun 01-Jul-18 23:07:55

How old are the three of you? I think I was more grown up at 14.

Returnofthesmileybar Sun 01-Jul-18 23:12:31

You are a user and a bitch, you were caught out. You say this friend messaged you a lot, I bet your holiday friend knew what was going on. She shouldn't have snooped but honestly you come out of this story much worse than she does

NorthenderNamechanger Sun 01-Jul-18 23:13:07

Really?

You do not pretend to be someones friend when you clearly are not, use them for a holiday (mental health or not - there is no excuse for it), and spend the whole time slagging them off behind their back.

How would I approach it? I would cut off that "friendship" and take a good hard look at how I treat people.

Please tell me this is a reverse 😧

Buzzlightyearsbumchin Sun 01-Jul-18 23:13:09

You use her to go away with because you didn't have a better offer.

You sat with your phone in front of your face the whole time (lots of messages) slagging her off.

Yet she's the awful one?

I think you should confront her, it will give her the excuse to say her piece to you as well.

KeepServingTheDrinks Sun 01-Jul-18 23:13:18

I guess all you can do now is put the most amount of effort that you can into making the rest of the holiday a pleasure for both of you.

And I'd lay off messaging your other friend until you get home.

NoseyFriendDilemma Sun 01-Jul-18 23:13:20

Can I just say

I know the messages were bitchy, but none were really vicious. I’m not saying what I did was right, not for a minute. But going through my messages is wrong. She had no reason to suspect anything, why would she it isn’t like I’ve got form for slagging her off

NoseyFriendDilemma Sun 01-Jul-18 23:14:30

I did not spend the whole time slagging her off it was one or 2 things I said that’s all

LEMtheoriginal Sun 01-Jul-18 23:15:23

Well ain't you just a peach

TheMagnificentEthel Sun 01-Jul-18 23:17:22

You are horrible.

She was horrible.

There.

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