‘’Friend’’ snooped through my private messages.

[NoseyFriendDilemma]

A bit of background. I have known this ‘friend’ ( term used loosely) since we were kids, through primary school and high school and we are now both in our mid twenties. We have had many a major fall out during the time we have known each other due to her sly and selfish ways. She doesn’t really treat her friends in a way that most people would consider acceptable, hence any friendships she does have don’t usually last and people we know mutually would usually describe her as ‘strange’

We are still acquainted as, even though we have had major fall outs in the past, she doesn’t have many friends and always comes back to me with her tail between her legs apologising for her her behaviour, and I never have the heart to tell her I don’t want anything to do with her anymore.

Most of my friends I have other than her have moved away and have partners and children and as such I don’t get to see them often so if I ever want to go anywhere or do anything I am stuck with her really.

Anyway, to the story:

A couple of months back she asked me to go away with her for a few days, and due to my mental health etc I thought it might be good to get away for a while, and I reasoned that even though she isn’t the greatest of friends, I could tolerate her for a few days and get some sun. She can be okay sometimes, and I knew if I didn’t go I wouldn’t get the chance to go with anyone else for various reasons, so I accepted.

We both know another girl who we met at school, this other girl is my best friend, but she hates the girl I went away with ( for reasons I understand) and when I was away, my best friend was sending me messages on facebook messenger a lot and was taking the piss out of this other ‘’friend’’ saying she’s weird etc. I was in agreement with this and told her I was sorry I came cause she’s strange etc etc, basically said a few things that she had wouldn’t have liked.

I was using a spare phone that didn’t have a passcode, as I just didn’t think about putting one on.

Next day, we were sat in a restaurant having breakfast and I went to the loo and left my phone on the table, and she must have looked through my messages while I was gone, as when I got back and picked my phone up I noticed messages from my best friend asking why I had ‘reacted’ to old messages on messenger just now. I said I hadn’t as I had been in the loo. The other girl was also acting weird around me at this point, but i didn’t want to go mad when we were were miles from home so I reasoned that I would confront her when we got home.

I’m absolutely livid that she had the cheek to snoop and go through my messages and I want to say something to her as I know for a fact she has done it, and she has proven that what was said about her was correct as she actually went through my property.

At the same time i don’t want to confront her because of what she read.

How would you approach this

@GinPink there was a time when MNHQ would only remove threads if they compromised the poster's identity - not because the OP didn't like the answers they received.
Why it is vile to point that out is beyond me.

I’m not explaining why I want this thread taken down because I’ve already explained a million times. I know I was using her blah blah blah and that was wrong of me. I know it’s all my own fault now. Asked for advice, I’ve got it. I shouldn’t have posted it because I realise how it comes across. I can’t help reading these comments and even though I’ve done something bad, some of the replies are over the top so i don’t want to be made to feel any worse than I already do.

@ilovesooty OP said she's in the wrong. She's asked for advice how to proceed from this point. Instead of offering that advice people have just attacked her as a person over and over again (that's the vile part) - which doesn't help anyone. She gets the point, she was wrong but she's asking what to do next.

Can you (or any other poster on here) honestly say they have never said anything about a friend before? Ever? You have literally never said a bad word about a friend before???? I'm sure you'd all have been mortified if that person did over hear.

Look at the other post about the christening thing where the OP sent a text to the wrong person. I (quite rightly) don't see her getting attacked like this?!?!?

The problem here is that friend went into her private phone and read those messages. Everyone vents. It's Hunan nature.

@GinPink we're evidently not in agreement about the rationale for removing threads.
Of course that's a decision for MNHQ ultimately.

You are not acting with integrity are you Op?

@ilovesooty if they keep the thread up OP isn't the one who comes off looking the most awful, the constant bashing makes everyone else look like a total bully. One or two posts to make the point I understand but to go on and on is just plain mean. If mumsnet is happy to have threads full of bullies that's up to them I'm just saying I don't blame op for wanting it gone, it can't be a nice read.

@GinPink the OP can hide it if she doesn't want to read it.
I've seen threads with worse replies with less justification.
If any replies break talk guidelines and are personal attacks they can be reported.
I don't think I'm alone in finding it tiresome when people start threads on impulse then want them deleted when they're not even outing.
Threads which go on to compromise people's identity and safety are in my opinion another matter.

Jesus, you both need to scrape your self esteem off the ground and stop hanging out with people that you don’t actually like because you’re that desperate for friends.

I think your friendship has clearly run it’s course and you are only ‘friends’ for convenience sake. I can’t beli you actually went away with someone you don’t like! No one of sound mental health/confidence would do that surely?

You may as well have just gone away by yourself, as there’s no point going on holiday with a friend just to spend time bitching about that friend. No one forced you to go.

Use this opportunity to cut this friend off, work on yourself and make new local friends

She shouldn't have been snooping through the messages on your phone. But she did, and now you have an uncomfortable situation. If you confront her, you'll have to acknowledge the messages between you and your other friend. If you don't, it might put some unresolved awkwardness in the friendship going forward. I guess it depends on whether you want to preserve the friendship or not - if you do, honesty may be the best approach? But it sounds as if you may be looking for a justification to cut contact.

and due to my mental health

What the fuck is wrong with you people? You think your opinion is so important you want to repeat what’s already been said a hundred times to someone who has stated she has mental health issues?

Lots of people here talking about nastiness while being fucking vile themselves. Pot kettle.

"Yes snooping is bad but you will get no sympathy here because you are a nasty bitch."

This ^ , you are a bitch.

You bitched about a friend you were on holiday with... to another friend.
And you think she sould not ahve looked at your phone..
How old are you?
About time you grew up and stopped taking advantage of people you do not even like.
Does two-faced mean anything to you?

OP I really hope you aren't reading these comments over and over. We are strangers on the internet, you know your own life and friendships.

FWIW I stand by what I said, which is you should stop moaning and end the friendship, because it hadn't been good for years so why carry on?

I won't join in judging you for being upset about the snooping, and for past comments you'd made. That's not even the main point, to me. I just think this friendship is bad for you. Both of you, in fact.

I'm sure many of us have said stuff about a particular friend. Yes it's wrong but as far as I know, there are no saints walking this earth

Unfortunately some will pretend your friend's snooping is ok, because they like to stick the boot in from behind the keyboard..you sound quite vulnerable & mentioned mental health too. Red rag to some

Don't fall for it.

Do end the friendship tho.

Neither of you are good for each other. I've been there with my laundry list of complaints then finally realised: who cares who is most wrong- I'm done with this. Be done with it.