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Original poster

‘’Friend’’ snooped through my private messages.

164 replies

NoseyFriendDilemma · 01/07/2018 22:43

A bit of background. I have known this ‘friend’ ( term used loosely) since we were kids, through primary school and high school and we are now both in our mid twenties. We have had many a major fall out during the time we have known each other due to her sly and selfish ways. She doesn’t really treat her friends in a way that most people would consider acceptable, hence any friendships she does have don’t usually last and people we know mutually would usually describe her as ‘strange’

We are still acquainted as, even though we have had major fall outs in the past, she doesn’t have many friends and always comes back to me with her tail between her legs apologising for her her behaviour, and I never have the heart to tell her I don’t want anything to do with her anymore.

Most of my friends I have other than her have moved away and have partners and children and as such I don’t get to see them often so if I ever want to go anywhere or do anything I am stuck with her really.

Anyway, to the story:

A couple of months back she asked me to go away with her for a few days, and due to my mental health etc I thought it might be good to get away for a while, and I reasoned that even though she isn’t the greatest of friends, I could tolerate her for a few days and get some sun. She can be okay sometimes, and I knew if I didn’t go I wouldn’t get the chance to go with anyone else for various reasons, so I accepted.

We both know another girl who we met at school, this other girl is my best friend, but she hates the girl I went away with ( for reasons I understand) and when I was away, my best friend was sending me messages on facebook messenger a lot and was taking the piss out of this other ‘’friend’’ saying she’s weird etc. I was in agreement with this and told her I was sorry I came cause she’s strange etc etc, basically said a few things that she had wouldn’t have liked.

I was using a spare phone that didn’t have a passcode, as I just didn’t think about putting one on.

Next day, we were sat in a restaurant having breakfast and I went to the loo and left my phone on the table, and she must have looked through my messages while I was gone, as when I got back and picked my phone up I noticed messages from my best friend asking why I had ‘reacted’ to old messages on messenger just now. I said I hadn’t as I had been in the loo. The other girl was also acting weird around me at this point, but i didn’t want to go mad when we were were miles from home so I reasoned that I would confront her when we got home.

I’m absolutely livid that she had the cheek to snoop and go through my messages and I want to say something to her as I know for a fact she has done it, and she has proven that what was said about her was correct as she actually went through my property.

At the same time i don’t want to confront her because of what she read.

How would you approach this

OP posts:
Original poster
NoseyFriendDilemma · 02/07/2018 06:38

No not on my trip, but we have had fall outs where she has done really sly things and apologised and then does something else again and it goes round in circles.
I know I should just cut contact, but I’m the only person that gets along with her really, we live in rural area and it’s hard. She knows how I feel as I’ve said it before about how she treats me, and she apologises. But she is strange in her ways. My best friend who was messaging me we talk every day and she was asking me if I was having a good time etc, and generally I was, she asked why i went with her I said I didn’t really know as she can be strange, something along those lines.

OP posts:
alwaysontimeneverlate · 02/07/2018 06:40

I haven't read the full
Thread.
You seem to keep repeating that she was vile to you in the past yet you got back friends with her. You have either forgiven her and moved on or you haven't, it's seems very much to me that you haven't.
You can't keep beating her with the same stick whilst appearing to be friends with her. What you've done is lure her into a false sense of security/friendship then totally ripped the rug out from under her.

You sound like a fucking delight op.

Clubcuts · 02/07/2018 06:42

So what you could've said to your best friend Was I'm having a great time, just what I needed!

Honestly you sound about 12 with your best robes asking why you went with her? Sounds like your in the playground! You went with her because YOU WANTED TOO! Then you slag her off.

I'd back off this post now, you're sounding more and more horrible....but of course you're not because you've told us how nice to are!! Hmm

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 02/07/2018 06:49

If you don't like her, don't go away with her. 'Tolerate' her Hmm ffs.

In my book, people who call other people 'weird' are the kind who never (mentally/emotionally) left school. Actually, I would expect better from my 13yo.

Her behaviour was obviously not acceptable, but it's for you to put your own house in order.

WizardOfToss · 02/07/2018 06:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 02/07/2018 06:53

You were both in the wrong.

She shouldn't have invaded your privacy by going through your phone.

You shouldn't have agreed to go on holiday with someone you clearly don't like. Nobody forced you to go - and bitching about her to your other mate whilst this girl is literally sitting in front of you, is extremely spiteful and nasty.

You make many points about her coming back to you "with her tail between her legs" because you are the only person that will tolerate her. At what point will you develop the self-awareness to realise that you enjoy feeling superior and lording it over her? Otherwise why would you be friends with someone that you don't like and that is rude to you? You're putting this all in her whilst failing to acknowledge your own poor behaviour.

Grow up. Stop being a bully.

Original poster
NoseyFriendDilemma · 02/07/2018 06:53

I know I was horrible and how i come across on here.

The Fact remains she shouldn’t have gone on my phone. It was my personal property and yes I shouldn’t have gone away with her, I know that, but she still took it upon herself to invade my messages. I have never done that to someone and never would either because it’s not my business. I actually have private things on there, other than the messages about her. We didn’t message enough for her to suspicious, not any more than she did herself anyway. If I’d have done that to her she’d go mental.

OP posts:
Clubcuts · 02/07/2018 06:54

Imagine your friend posting this...

Just been away with a friend, previously we had fallen out but all good now. As far as I'm concerned we've moved on. She needed a break due to some MH issues we thought it would be great to catch some sun and chill out.

We were having a great break, but she seemed very distracted by her phone. She went to the toilet and her phone bleeped, I know it's wrong but the message from another friend mentioned my name, so I opened it. Found various messages between them basically slagging me off.

I'm really hurt if she didn't want to go away why say yes?

She's clearly not my friend, she's not moved on from the falling out and she's essentially using me. She was not innocent in that falling out but she seems to think she's such a nice person that it must all be my fault.

All this and I thought we were having a good time. I can't wait to get on the plane home, I feel so upset.

Snowysky20009 · 02/07/2018 06:55

You are really nice aren't you OP.... not! Feel sorry for your so-called 'friend'.

Clubcuts · 02/07/2018 06:57

@Snowysky20009 , no OP is really nice! How many times does she have to tell you that!

FelicityFelicitas · 02/07/2018 06:57

What do you want everyone to say OP?

Most people have advised you to stop the ‘friendship’ as you obviously dislike this woman. Whatever her faults (and I’m sure there are many) you are only responsible for your own behaviour - and so far it’s been pretty unpleasant.

I do understand that in rural areas it is not easy to just make friendships - but this relationship really doesn’t seem to be bringing out the best in you.

PlanetPiffle · 02/07/2018 07:00

Cut your losses on this ‘friendship’. You don’t like her. She doesn’t trust you. I can’t imagine why you want to spend any time with each other. Literally the nicest thing you have said about her is ‘she’s ok sometimes’ and you’ve only gone on holiday with her because there was no-one else. So you’ve used her, she’s betrayed your trust by reading your phone. You are as bad as each other.

Play dumb for both your sakes on the message snooping front and when you get home I suggest you both stop seeing each other as themagnificentEthel so succinctly put earlier, ‘you aren’t friends, leave each other alone’.

Original poster
NoseyFriendDilemma · 02/07/2018 07:03

I haven’t claimed to be nice i said I had been nice to her in the past and she’s treated me like shit, but for an easy life I let it slide a couple of times.

We fell out for a long time once or twice. Doing what I did on holiday is the worst thing I’ve done. And i suppose sometimes i feel bitterness towards her for past behaviour, so I shouldn’t have agreed to to go away but for some reason I did. Shoot me.

OP posts:
Clubcuts · 02/07/2018 07:04

.
We both know another girl who we met at school, this other girl is my best friend, but she hates the girl I went away with ( for reasons I understand) and when I was away, my best friend was sending me messages on facebook messenger a lot and was taking the piss out of this other ‘’friend’’ saying she’s weird etc. I was in agreement with this and told her I was sorry I came cause she’s strange etc etc, basically said a few things that she had wouldn’t have liked
^^
Here you're saying you're saying she's weird then it changes to.....

your friend was just asking why you went with her!!

Get your story straight! You're just trying to paint yourself in a good light!

gamerchick · 02/07/2018 07:05

I think you’re feeling very uncomfortable because you’ve been caught out as the unreasonable one here

Previously you’ve had a picture of her being sly and strange with no friends, and you have been the nice one, forgiving her and being her only friend

Yep and still you're focusing on being the wronged one.

Why do you keep saying she's strange? It's making me think you're very young.

JobHunting4 · 02/07/2018 07:05

She was probably sick of you spending the holiday on your phone. And blaming your best friend for messaging you... If you replied then you were messaging each other. Don't blame bf.
When friends fall out and make up, it's forgotten. You don't like how she treats you, but treat her badly too. No moral high ground here. Sorry

Original poster
NoseyFriendDilemma · 02/07/2018 07:11

Clubcuts I said ‘ saying she’s weird etc’ indicating there was more to the conversation. I’m not going to paint myself in a good light. Im an arse for what I did I’m not even trying to deny it. It’s my fault for going I know and it’s my fault for saying what I did. Never mind.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 02/07/2018 07:32

Ethel is right. You are not friends with each other. Why pretend?

AynRandTheObjectivist · 02/07/2018 07:35

You can't keep blaming stuff she's done in the past for you being so rude and self-serving now (why was your phone on the table when you left, unless you were on it the whole time?). You maintained the friendship, you even went on holiday with her, so it's fair to assume you'd forgiven and moved on.

I confess I had my side eye on as soon as I read your comments about her being sly and selfish, having lots of fallouts etc. Why, I thought, were you still 'friends' with her when you have obviously disliked her for so long? Perhaps you two have more in common than you think?

She was wrong to go through your phone, you were wrong to go away with her when you don't like her ("mental health" is not a get out of jail free card for using people) and then bitch about her in her presence.

I guess, on second thought, I can see why you guys went away together but just do everyone a favour and let it die its natural death already. And stop asking us for our opinions if you're just going to keep telling us all why we're wrong and you're the victim.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 02/07/2018 07:38

As an aside, I hope you don't consider yourself a 'people pleaser', OP. I really hate 'people pleasers'. They haven't got the faintest interest in pleasing people, they're just chickenhit.

viques · 02/07/2018 07:40

i know the messages were bitchy but none of them were vicious

Well that's your point of view. I bet if the situations were reversed you would find bitchy messages about you quite vicious, hurtful and distressing.

Maybe your friend is not the only one with poor social skills.

MaryandMichael · 02/07/2018 07:40

What a vile person you are showing yourself to be - why is that?
Just leave it, now. Leave her alone. If she contacts you again, say 'No, thank you.' There's no need to explain.
You certainly don't have any right to give her a hard time about looking at your phone.

Rudgie47 · 02/07/2018 07:50

Your lucky you didnt get a smack or a jug of water over your head OP. You come across as a right bitch.
Also if you slag off one friend behind their back you'll do this to everyone I know that much.
What you need to do is spend time by yourself with no friends until you think you can behave respectfully towards others.Have nothing further to do with this friend you have no friendship with her.

SenoritaViva · 02/07/2018 07:52

You keep bringing up how vile she's been to you. If that's so you never should've gone on holiday together if you harbour resentment and justify treating someone badly for actions prior to the holiday.

Littletinyraindrops · 02/07/2018 07:52

If you're going to reconcile with a friend you cant continue to hold a grudge about what's gone on in the past, you either let it go or stop being friends.

Nothing you claim happened in the past excuses your behaviour, and you should just fess up that you know what she did and accept the consequences.

I'd go your separate ways after that and work on making some new friends.

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