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To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

(491 Posts)
treeofhearts Mon 28-May-18 01:13:13

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating. hmm

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

Candyflip Mon 28-May-18 01:15:46

What a waste of 8 months. You know there are normal men out there don’t you? I would have slung him out the second that nonsense left his mouth.

CaptainCabinets Mon 28-May-18 01:16:15

Oh fucking hell, have my first LTB!

Louislovesmud Mon 28-May-18 01:17:05

Whether the chiro is firing into you or not, he needs to go. Those accusations are big red flags.

Sorry to hear you went through such a tough time previously, you deserve more than this arsehole now xx

liz70 Mon 28-May-18 01:17:23

So many things about this post are just not sitting right with me.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 28-May-18 01:18:20

I think the resounding response will be tell him where to go.
However I must say I didn't think Doctors were allowed to just take medication off ypu. I mean doing that would not necessarily stop someone ending their life would it. I'm sorry but seems a bit odd to me

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 28-May-18 01:21:47

Oh and if you are shagging all 3 of them all tgis time You jammy bitchwinkgrin then technically as you have been going to them for 3 years and have only been with your dp for 8 months you're actually cheating on them.

Copperbonnet Mon 28-May-18 01:22:59

To be honest, in the time you’be taken to write this post I’d have dumped him.

It’s really fantastic he went to the appointment with you, it stopped you wasting any more valuable time with this extraordinarily unpleasant man.

Get rid and don’t give him another thought.

There is no future here and no way to fix this. He has insulted you last redemption.

redastherose Mon 28-May-18 01:23:11

No yanbu to tell him to fuck off! Major red flags, why would you think twice about it. You see professionals who carry out a professional job in a professional way and he's so screwed up he thinks there has to be something going on! Please do tell him to fuck off.

SneakyGremlins Mon 28-May-18 01:25:29

Three men at once? Any tips?

FeckTheMagicDragon Mon 28-May-18 01:28:58

Something similar happened to me. But it was male work colleagues. Despite know I work in a male dominated profession and have to go to conferences (you know, for professional reasons) an Ex once flipped because I was going to London for three days. With men. There were women there too. But I was traveling down on the train at the same time. With MEN! Funnily enough it was about 8 or 9 months into the relationship too.
Get rid ASAP. I didn’t and by the time he’d finished messing with my head I didn’t know what was normal and what wasn’t.
Does he really expect you to give up medical treatment that you need because he’s had an irrational hissy fit. Seriously- get rid.

VanGoghsDog Mon 28-May-18 01:29:07

It was a bit odd to take him into the actual session with you.
But not unreasonable to now dump his ass and date the 'interested' physio

CantankerousCamel Mon 28-May-18 01:29:59

I am a massage therapist. He has serious issues, anyone who comes to see a massage will see that communication during manipulation is super important. You need to be totally relaxed so you can be moved about, banter is necessary!!

The bra this is absurd. I prefer for clients to remove their bras and let me get on with my job but lots do what you do and there’s nothing weird or unusual about it.

This sounds like a controlling. Nightmare of a man who would rather you were in pain than sorted and happy at the hands of ‘men’

No who you need in your life

Fluffyears Mon 28-May-18 01:31:15

He’s nuts get rid of him. The questioning is a massive red flag.

ohfourfoxache Mon 28-May-18 01:31:18

Don’t give him the option of growing up or going. Just get rid.

thegreatbeyond Mon 28-May-18 01:34:19

"Tart"? Does he reside in 1988?

riceuten Mon 28-May-18 01:36:10

Don't even give him a second chance. Let him know his insane jealousy is the reason you're going though.

treeofhearts Mon 28-May-18 01:41:00

How'd you mean liz?

He seemed so bloody normal! Not possessive or controlling in the slightest. Pulls his weight around the house when he is here, no real temper to speak of, loves the dogs. Thought I was onto a winner. Now he is sulking in the kitchen, occasionally banging something. I think he's hoping I'll go out there so he can start the argument up again.

LOL awwwlookatmybabyspider I should be so lucky. They're certainly easy on the eyes but alas, no. Two are married with kids.

It wasn't like that, with the meds. I had a bit of a breakdown on him and he asked me what I needed for short term and asked to look after the rest until I'd been to the GP. I'd told him I sometimes had the urge to just take the lot. He was worried and I think he panicked tbh. He isn't a doctor, he's a physiotherapist.

I really don't think there is any flirting as such. It's just the usual easy banter you get when you've known someone a while.

nocoolnamesleft Mon 28-May-18 01:43:50

What he is telling you is that if he were such a therapist, he would be getting off on it. Because he doesn't believe men can be faithful/self-controlled. Or, more accurately, he knows that he cannot be faithful or self-controlled. LTB.

MiddleClassProblem Mon 28-May-18 01:44:26

What an unsupportive, insecure twat. I swear most men wouldn’t think like this. He also sounds like he would be as controlling as hell in the future. If he can’t support you for your routine medical appointment then how would your future be? Are meant to just deteriorate for him? LTB and if he comes back in a day/week/month apologising do not take him back!

I’m not sure if my anecdote will help you smile after this but here goes: When I had my Lletz it was a male doc doing it. DH (then DP) was with me. Doc had his hand all up in my area with a camera etc and DH was just enjoying watching the screen because “it looked like a set on Doctor Who” hmm Cheers, luv, that’s my cervix.

FrogFairy Mon 28-May-18 01:45:58

He is a twat, tell him to fuck right off.

Believe me this will be the tip of the iceberg and before you know it he will be controlling your every move and quizzing you about every interaction you have with men. Oh and you will be a tart, slag, slapper etc. if you dare look at or speak with any male.

blaaake Mon 28-May-18 01:46:38

Jesus. What a loser. Tell him to get out and not to talk to you ever again. And change the locks if he has a key.

AntiHop Mon 28-May-18 01:46:56

You know the answer. His behaviour is well beyond the realms of acceptability.


AnnieAnoniMouser Mon 28-May-18 01:47:41

8 months seems like ages when you think you have a future with someone, but actually out of your whole life isn’t that long...dump the twat now, don’t waste another minute on him.

ThistleAmore Mon 28-May-18 01:48:50

Firstly, I'm astonished that any of your therapists allowed somebody else into the room: unless there is a very good reason (i.e. if a person is unable to give informed consent, or for religious reasons etc), it is just WEIRD for a competent adult to take another adult into an appointment with them, especially after a relationship that has been built up after months.

Long story short - TBH, none of this is normal. I hope you're not living with this guy, or if you are, that you've got a clear exit route available to you, because this is only going to get worse.

I will say it again - HIS REACTION WAS NOT NORMAL.

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