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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

490 replies

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 01:13

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating. Hmm

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

OP posts:
YouAreNotImportant · 28/05/2018 06:27

You see a physio, a chiro and have a massage with oil (and can't undo your own bra) all in the same place in the same session? and everyone hugs each other and people bring their partners along to watch? Smile

OliviaStabler · 28/05/2018 06:35

What a waste of 8 months.

Couldn't agree more. No excuse for his behaviour.

GalwayWayfarer · 28/05/2018 06:39

I couldn't be bothered with this for a single second. Ditch him OP - he is showing you his true colours and those colours are jealous, possessive and aggressive. It's hard to find this out after 8 months but better than after 8 years. He is vile.

BillywilliamV · 28/05/2018 06:40

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ForalltheSaints · 28/05/2018 06:46

I have sympathy with his mother for having such an awful son. Who should now be having to put up with him instead of you.

sycamore54321 · 28/05/2018 06:47

Taking this at face value, get rid of the boyfriend but also get rid of the medical team. Two wrongs don't make a right and their behaviour is also crossing all sorts of ethical and professional boundaries (assuming they are actually genuine qualified professionals - which at most probably only the physio is...)

Cawfee · 28/05/2018 06:47

Wow OP. Your partner is horrific. Don’t take it. Get rid. Your life will be hell if you let him get away with this. The fact he’s even capable of this is a massive red flag. Tell him to fuck off and mean it.

SalemBlackCat · 28/05/2018 06:50

Wow. He is a lunatic! He clearly thinks only women doctors deal with women and only men doctors deal with men. He is very sick and warped. Get him away from you and never look back.

TooTrueToBeGood · 28/05/2018 06:53

He seemed so bloody normal! Not possessive or controlling in the slightest

This episode proves otherwise. His behaviour is straight out of the abusive controller's field manual. If he can react like this over a HCP he is very far from normal. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life with him dictating who you can work with or interact with socially you need to get rid. Has he played the old "I trust you but i know what other men are like" line yet?

LoislovesStewie · 28/05/2018 06:54

I agree; get rid of him. Just for info, if he had to see a female GP for example would he refuse to undress if required?

LittleOrphanFunkhouser · 28/05/2018 06:55

Simple answers OP; the first is that your DP sounds like a clingy loser so you're probably better off without him. The second is that 'chiropractors' are practitioners of quack medicine. You may as well just pay for half of an hour of a basic massageSmile

ememem84 · 28/05/2018 06:55

Wow. Get rid. Absolutely get rid.

Lindy2 · 28/05/2018 06:57

Well at least you know what he's like now. I'm sorry that he has unexpectedly turned out to be such an idiot.
I think he's expecting you to stop going there as he clearly has major issues.
I think you just need to tell him you've seen another side to him tonight that you weren't expecting and your relationship is over.

3333hh44 · 28/05/2018 06:58

But there are men out there like this.
Get rid.

FatherMacKenzie · 28/05/2018 06:59

Run for the hills! He’s a wrong ‘un.

Tinkie25 · 28/05/2018 07:03

Might be a waste of 8 months, but better that, than years down the line.

I’m sure he’ll come back fully apologetic, but behaviour like this will only escalate.

Get rid op.

sexnotgender · 28/05/2018 07:05

When people show you who they are, believe them.

This is crazy behaviour, I hope you’re ok.

disappearingninepatch · 28/05/2018 07:08

AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?
YABU to give him a choice. LTB

We'll be having words when he calms down and he sure as hell isn't moving in.

Unless the words are "You're dumped," YABU. This is seriously batshit behaviour.

Shoxfordian · 28/05/2018 07:11

Morning op
Hope you got some sleep
Ltb today. No talking to him, no excuses. Ltb

ErrmWTAF · 28/05/2018 07:15

Good morning, OP! I hope you started your day shedding 15 st of ugly baggage! Grin

Here's a Brew to perk you up.

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 28/05/2018 07:23

Skip off into the sunlight safe in the knowledge that you saved yourself precious time and effort in dealing with the fuckwits tantrum.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 28/05/2018 07:26

Sorry to hear he is being such a dick OP, hope he doesn’t cause you any more trouble when you get him out of your life.

(This is a really refreshing thread, usually:
OP: ‘is this behaviour controlling and weird’
Everyone: ‘er totally, yes’
OP: ‘but I luuurve him’
Everyone: Hmm

This thread:
OP: ‘is this behaviour controlling and weird’
Everyone: ‘er totally, yes’
OP: ‘that’s what I thought, right he can sod off’)
Good luck Flowers

MissStegosaurus · 28/05/2018 07:36

Get rid!

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/05/2018 07:41

I have a weekly 1.5 hour massage, which at times is excruciatingly painful for my all over body pain. I wear leggings and it’s the same deal as you, the guy does my bra back up. I’d think my dh had 2 heads if he accused me of being inappropriate. We also talk about everything and everything including sex once or twice - including my pain, chronic fatigue and inability to be able to handle sex from a physiological POV. He massages my groin area from time to time ie when necessary. Neither of us cross boundaries.

Get rid of this idiot. His behaviour is disgusting.

YouAreNotImportant · 28/05/2018 07:43

Do chiropractors have a regulatory body? I wouldn't want intimate care provided by someone who 'hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse'.