To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

[treeofhearts]

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating.

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

Why do you stay with this loser?
There are decent blokes out there.
Could you imagine him being a father to your children?
He's a nut job.
Get rid of him.

This thread has made me feel physically ill. I read the OP. I felt sick
I have asd and severe jealousy issues and I behave like the OPs partner. I hate it I hate doing it and being like this.
I’m not excusing his behaviour at all but he may not be as bad as he sounds he may have similar issues to be and it’s just as excruciating and unpleasant and scary to be that person as well as the person on the receiving end

This reminds me of when I was 17 and went on a date with a guy I'd met a few times. We were chatting about friends and I named a few guys who were my best friends. He told me that it wasn't right to have so many male friends, and that he didn't want me hanging around with them. I dumped him so fast his head spun. Who do these men think they are!!

I wouldn't have him back in your home. Bag up any of his belongings and text him to tell him you're leaving them on the doorstep.

He doesn't deserve an explanation. If he doesn't realise he's being a massive twat then there is no hope.

However...I must say, I do find the thought of a massage therapist undoing and then doing up your bra very odd.

No it's not my osteo does the same thing when doing some massage.

But yes for both your sakes end it and tell him to get some proper help x

OP I think I would dump this man, it's a very worrying reaction.

Sorry didn’t read the full thread but please don’t tell him to grow up or fuck off.
Only tell him to fuck off.

He’s not anywhere close to being reasonable and this is not something you can “educate” him about, it sounds like a deeply held opinion.
The way he spoke to you was the best thing he could do as you can get out of this and not look back.

Normal men don’t think this about what you have described, which is a normal therapy.

whatsthepiontnow sorry to hear that. DI you feel your ASD causes/triggers the jealousy? Either way you need to get therapy to find a way of managing it. I am sorry but I would advise anyone with a jealous partner behave like Ops partner to leave. It’s not a healthy situation for her to be in. It will distroy her happiness and possibly self esteem eventually.

I’m surprised I still have a husband tbh he can’t even watch stuff on tv with women in it’s dreadful
Yes it’s my asd. Jealousy seems to be some kind of obsession. I am going to try and seek help in general
I think it stems from always being told I’d be unwanted so when I found someone the asd has kicked in so to speak and made me obsesssional about stopping anyone taking him away it’s awful. I spend some much time feeling physical pain through stress it’s awful

Oh god, you're going to stay with him aren't you 😔

He isn't violent just being a bit of a bell end
OP don't minimise it, he is showing you who he is, listen, pay attention, for your own sake.
If course he's seemed nice until now, because let's face it if someone behaves like an arse at the start of a relationship you'd end it then.

Someone who has so little respect for women in general, and you in particular, is not worthy of you.
You may feel you've invested 8 months in the relationship... Thank your lucky stars you had this opportunity to find out now what he is like.
It is absolutely not normal behavior. It's not "not that bad". This is a guy who will make your world very small.

Whatsthepointnow4 That sounds like s really dark place to be. For your own happiness please try and get some therapy.

whatsthepointnow I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I'm trying to be sympathetic towards him I really am but for God's sake, they're professional people doing a job. I hardly think they're thinking this is so arousing while digging an elbow into the fat woman's shoulder.

PLEASE do not waste another minute of your life with this man.

My ex seemed lovely in the beginning, such a kind caring and calm man, I thought I was on to a winner.

About a year in turns out he had a problem with me seeing a male GP if I had to take any of my clothes off.

In the end I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts or skirts anywhere but with him. I was expected to “ask” to wear sleeveless tops. I wasn’t allowed to smile or say hi to male colleagues. I wasn’t allowed to sit on public seating areas near men. I wasn’t allowed swimming without him, obviously. I wasn’t allowed to sleep without him, ever, this meant earphones in with him on the line all night when he wasn’t there.

He also was a big sulker, when something happened he didn’t like he wouldn’t talk for days, even when we went out. He ignored me completely for a whole month once because I wore shorts during a heat wave without him.

These things can start small and snow ball. Please don’t compromise with this man. Anyone who feels like this about a health professional has serious issues. I doubt this will be the only issue. Please tell him straight now. Don’t let him control you. I did everything to try and placate mine and he still ended up hitting me. Men like this are not worth your precious time or to be a part of your precious life.

I understand totally and I just wanted to show how it is from my side. It’s just horrible. It’s no way to live for either of you
I watch my husband living a life I don’t want for him. I hate what I’ve done to him but I can’t stop
Your partner needs specialised help whether you are with him or not. He needs help to deal with this. My jealousy issues stem from asd but I know there can be other causes so it’s important you keep yourself safe as you dont know why he’s like this

I'm glad I didn't need to shout run as missed the start.

Can I just add though your later post shows he was never that normal or nice, it's absolutely not normal or the sign of a supportive partner to tease or make fun of your partner when they are in pain, it's a small but very clear red flag to me.

Don't be sympathetic towards him, he's just your common or garden misogynist, whose mask has slipped and you're now seeing the real him. He will get worse if you stay with him, until you can't even talk to men at work.

Just get rid. If you don't, you'll think of this thread in a few years time and wished you'd listened.

I had the boyfriend from hell at the age of sixteen, he started like yours did and escalated to hurting me because he thought a bloke may have looked at me. It was hideous, I was so restricted. I was also very ill at the time so fairly vulnerable. When I had enough I dumped him, he threatened suicide and you know what? I really wanted him to do it because I felt unsafe with him on this planet.

Two years later I met my husband, who is not threatened or jealous at all, it felt really easy and non dramatic. We could be friends as well as boyfriend/girlfriend. My twat first boyfriend did me a favour and made me realise that decent blokes were what you go for.

You need to get rid of this prick and realise that he'll say the right things to try to get you back. It's all about control for him and he won't stop at any kind of horrendous behaviour. Don't spend as much time as I did figuring it out.

I always remember how dead against me learning to drive my ex was. Finally I passed and it gave me some confidence and freedom, I recall trying to pull out of a space in a car park when he showed up and literally blocked me with his body from leaving the space. I was shaking and terrified, sobbing but he would not move. I drive something the size of a bus now with a huge ruddy great engine, I'd like nothing better than for the cunt to try now. He'd be mush...

Don't be like the younger version of me, don't take the shit, the decent bloke will be round the corner and you don't want this waste of space stopping you from finding him.

I've had this too Moneyissue2 with my ex fiancé. Perfect gentleman for about a year then he started going through a "really hard time" that demanded my endless sympathy and made him immune from all criticism and totally absolved from all wrong doing. Everything I did, said, and wore was policed. Trousers and long sleeves at all times, and bear in mind I was living in a very humid part of Africa at the time. He started having me followed to and from work because once I stopped to chat to a male friend in the street on the way home. I guess someone saw and phoned him about it (why?!) because he was livid when I got in and that was the last time I was allowed anywhere without a pair of eyes on me. Worst bit is that he got me totally convinced that his reactions were normal and I was the one being unreasonable. It's the most horrific soul crushing kind of abuse and it took me years to recover from. Even if the message doesn't get through to the OP, please, anyone else reading this thread who is in a similar situation, run for your fucking life.

He sounds potentially abusive, OP. But the bra bit sounds very weird to me, so if that's what started it, I can sort of understand why he felt uncomfortable.

he may not be as bad as he sounds

He sounds like a possessive jealous cunt.

Run for the hills OP. In my 20s I wasted nearly 18 months dating a women who behaved like this when she found out the physio down my rugby club (provided by our sponsors) was a women. In her eyes this women was a slut and any players visiting her were clearly after cheap thrills. The fact that I was recovering from and receiving treatment for a strained hamstring did not cut the mustard. Life is too short to deal with other people’s small minded insecurities. Get out before you wake up one morning to find yourself isolated from all your male friends and most of your ‘bad influence’ female friends (I.e all of them)

Please LTB - you might not see it but this man is dangerous

If you stay, your life will be pitiful.

He sounds absolutely awful, and I agree with everyone else that you should leave before it gets worse.

However, your Chiro also sounds like an oddball with his hugging. Totally unprofessional, and I would change Chiros too.

Just as an aside, I find osteopaths far more effective than chiropractors.