To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

[treeofhearts]

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating.

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

Oh and I'm also "team LTB." You're totally doing the right thing.

What an asshat.

Just get rid.
Too many issues to bother addressing with him. It all boils down to ‘this relationship isn’t working because I have realised you are a tosser’. Pp who say he couldn’t control himself as a professional in that environment sound spot on.
Also massage therapists often unhook bras. Completely normal.

Do you even need to ask? Get rid ASAP

OP, when you wake just pop back to let us know your safe.

I have a bad feeling about his brooding anger and him pacing up and down infromt of your house.

For people wondering, my female osteopath and acupuncturist both undo and do up my bra when necessary during treatment. They ask first and it's perfectly normal and done in a very discreet way.

me too ska. please let us know you're ok when you can op

Hope you are okay op.
The 'gentleman' in question is a dick, you're doing the right thing.

Get rid. What a tool.

I understand that therapeutic massage could seem quite ‘Intimate’ if you have never experienced it yourself before but he is obviously being a complete twat about it.

The first time I went to see a physio was for acute hip pain. Within a few mins of meeting, the male practitioner had me laid down on my front whilst he put his hand up my (loose) shorts and vigorously massaged my bum for 10mins. It was a bit weird but did the trick and the pain disappeared immediately. I told my DP about it when I got home and we both thought it was hilarious. THAT is a normal reaction.

Your DP is a twat and I echo everyone else in encouraging you to LTB

About the bra thing - I go to a physio practice fairly regularly for various fitness related injuries and have been treated by males and females. Completely normal for them to undo your bra once you are laid down on your front (I have no difficulty doing it myself, it’s just easier for them to do it). They have always asked first but I wouldn’t expect them to ask every time if I was seeing them for a course of treatments.

I would actually personally be fine being half naked in front of m or f professionals but see them undoing the bra as a way of preserving your modesty by keeping it on whilst getting up and down from the couch

I love my chiropractor. He pretends we are the same age when I am actually ten years older. Only ‘hugs’ me when he is adjusting my spine though. He does the same to my son. He does pull down my knickers when needed. No coy little whispy undies here. Proper Bridget Jones big knickers so they sometimes need to be pulled down a bit so he can stick needles in my lower back.

I haven’t had a therapist undo my bra but it wouldn’t bother me. I would assume they would ask me to remove it first if needed though.

But yes - he has shown himself to be an idiot.

Glad you're leaving the twat (hope you've done it already!)

But for future reference, this:

no real temper to speak of

Is not a positive sign. People with "no real temper to speak of" almost always eventually have a temper worth speaking of, it's just that they'll blame someone else for aggravating them to that point. They say things like "I don't have a temper really, I just don't like people doing X, Y, Z". Then sooner or later they just don't like YOU doing X,Y,Z. Luckily, in your case, it's sooner, and you can dump him before you're too involved.

In future the attribute you're looking for is "no indication of a temper whatsoever".

Hope you're ok this morning OP.

I hope you've only let him in to collect his things and go. Don't let him stay!

Hope he is a goner by now.

I don't say this lightly and I don't ever think I've said this on an MN thread- major red flags- get out.

3 men at once? No wonder you need a chiropractor!

Get rid

He sounds unhinged, watch out for yourself when you dump him.

Hope you're OK OP, thinking of you

Don't even try to justify his opinion about you, it's insane.

I'd just say 'You're outburst makes no sense, you don't actually seem to understand how things work and I'm don't want to continue a relationship with someone who can't tolerate me having a medical treatment'.

I've only just found this thread and wow, he has a screw loose! At no point did it occur to his tiny brain that had you been having an affair, you wouldn't have allowed him to come to the appointment with you?

Hope you're ok this morning op. Life will most certainly be better without that wankbag in it.

Skip the part about him growing up and just tell him to fuck off now.

It will save you a lot of time, energy, and drama in the long run.

He's a fucking loon.

Have to say, I too felt you were taking his behaviour lightly op.

He sounds fucking unhinged, and I'm actually a bit concerned for you this morning.

Hi OP, hope you're OK this morning. I just wanted to say that this:

"He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart"

It's a huge red flag. It would be enough to make me end it with this man. He is someone who will call a woman 'a tart' - he has a massive misogynistic streak in him.

But the fit of temper, banging things in the kitchen, storming out - this man's mask slipped, and you've seen the sort of behaviour that you will deal with from now on, every time he is displeased with you.

Another person here with a female chiropractor who is also a qualified massage therapist. She undoes my bra when I'm on my front. Does this mean I'm having an affair with her? BTW I've known her since we were 13/14, does this make it more or less likely that she's being "inappropriate"?

I trained as a sports injury massage therapist, 2 years of training & formal qualifications (can't do it myself as my own back is too bad) We were trained to undo the patient's bra when they lay on their front, taking note of which hook it had been fastened by so we could do it back up for them - if you are being treated for back problems, the last thing you want to do is try to get your bra done up again while lying on your front, trying not to give everyone an eyeful.

Oh and if all 3 are having affairs with all their female (and presumably appropriately aged) client, how to they have the energy to treat them?

He sounds a nightmare. LTB. At this rate he will try stopping you getting the physical therapy you need. What planet has he been living on not to realise this is stand practice?

Before long he’ll be telling you what to wear and who to see. Joking aside. I see red flags all over this one Op. Get rid. It’s only 8 months.

Yes perfectly safe thanks everyone. He isn't violent just being a bit of a bell end.

Pretty sure he fucked off home after about half hour. Hasn't been back yet. Probably knows the reception he'll get when he does.

You see a physio, a chiro and have a massage with oil (and can't undo your own bra) all in the same place in the same session? and everyone hugs each other and people bring their partners along to watch?

Yes they also do sports massage, acupuncture and I think reflexology. There used to be a podiatrist in the same building too.

Chiro really isn't as unprofessional as he sounds lol every regular who walks in just gets the whole HELLO MY SWEETHEART air kissed and hugged. I think it's just the way he is. Very ott and a bit camp but lovely really.