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To really not want daughters?

(297 Posts)
AngeloMysterioso Mon 20-Nov-17 20:09:20

DH and I will be starting TTC soon, and have been talking about how we’d raise our children. And as we’ve discussed it, I’ve begun to realise that I really don’t want to have any girls.

Don’t get me wrong, I think having a daughter is in itself a wonderful thing. It’s more an issue of the world I would be raising a daughter in.

You’ve got trans rights activists erasing women everywhere you turn- women’s spaces being opened to anyone who calls themselves a woman, a 19 year old male is now a CLP Women’s officer, guidance in Scotland being issued saying if a student isn’t comfortable sharing a changing room with a trans pupil they should change somewhere else (obviously I know that would apply to boys too).

Sexual harassment and assault fucking everywhere. I’ve genuinely lost count of the number of times I’ve been grabbed, groped or catcalled. I know more women who’ve had some sort of encounter of that kind than haven’t. And of course, the victim blaming and slut shaming that occurs around it.

Those are just a few examples.

The more I think about it, the less I feel like I’d happy to bring a girl up in such a deeply misogynistic society. I just don’t see it getting any better. If anything, it’s getting worse.

AIBU?

Alittlepotofrosie Mon 20-Nov-17 20:10:17

Nope. Im glad ive only got boys.

Alittlepotofrosie Mon 20-Nov-17 20:10:31

For the same reasons.

AnxietyStrikes Mon 20-Nov-17 20:11:29

My dd is 4 months old and I'm terrified for all the reasons you have mentioned.

WaitrosePigeon Mon 20-Nov-17 20:11:58

hmm

QueenAmongstMen Mon 20-Nov-17 20:12:43

When TTC'ing my husband said on both occasions he wanted boys. He said he couldn't handle all the issues surrounding girls that are unfortunately part of our society these days.

cardibach Mon 20-Nov-17 20:13:14

Haven’t you enjoyed anything about being a woman?

arsenalwatford Mon 20-Nov-17 20:13:14

Do ya know, I’m just fine with my girls. As long as she doesn’t turn into a hysterical woman and just, you know, gets on with life.

Shizzler Mon 20-Nov-17 20:13:50

You may have a daughter who skips through life as through a sun dappled meadow and you may have a son who is plagued with problems. If you're that desperate to be a parent just take what you're given. alternatively, don't have kids!

MagggieMay Mon 20-Nov-17 20:14:34

I'm pregnant and I feel the same sometimes. I'm a feminist, and I genuinely think it's a good time to be a woman, but I agree that there are so many things to be worried about. What I would say is that you can have a role in bringing that girl or boy up to respect people and to stay as safe as possible, and can show them the world as it is.

Things like ISIS scare me more as I feel there's no way to protect them from this, war and Trump and Korea.

But every generation has had its concerns, Cuban missile crisis, Iraq, world wars, rationing etc.

I guess what I'm saying is that I comfort myself with the knowledge that most people are okay, and that we are more aware than ever of the risks in our world, so we're at least prepared. But I know what you mean.

Mulberry72 Mon 20-Nov-17 20:15:34

I only wanted one, and I was praying for a boy.

Got my wish.

Shizzler Mon 20-Nov-17 20:15:46

he couldn't handle all the issues surrounding girls that are unfortunately part of our society these days.

The poor love.

Are we supposed to admire him for that? I'm a woman, I've faced some crap that my brothers haven't faced but I'd still rather be me than them!

WinnieTheW0rm Mon 20-Nov-17 20:15:48

Until you are happy to have either sex, then I think you should hold off TTC.

YellowFlower201 Mon 20-Nov-17 20:16:20

What Winnie said!

Lancelottie Mon 20-Nov-17 20:16:32

If that's genuine, and if it's any comfort, my daughter takes no shit from anyone, OP (including her aged parents, sadly, but you can't have everything).

My son, on the other hand, is very fragile.

formerbabe Mon 20-Nov-17 20:16:41

Whether you have a boy or a girl is irrelevant. You will be plagued with worry regardless.

Hth!

PoisonousSmurf Mon 20-Nov-17 20:17:51

I've got two DDs (13 and 15) and they know how to handle themselves. They both do Karate and don't take nonsense from the boys.
Raise them to be confident and men can take a flying leap!
I'd be more worried bringing up boys due to the everyday violence they face and the body image issues.
Be grateful for what gender you have. No point in wishing otherwise.

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Nov-17 20:18:42

Exactly what formerbabe said.

paxillin Mon 20-Nov-17 20:18:42

Don't have a child. You have a 50% chance of this baby being female.

Bluntness100 Mon 20-Nov-17 20:18:44

I love being a woman. And I love my daughter more than anything in the world.

Oh yeah and I also brought her up to make her way in the world and not to be hysterical.

I wouldn’t wish to be a man for all the tea in China, and I wouldn’t change my daughter to be a son either, and I partially base that on my friends who do have sons. Lovely, but I’ll take my daughter any day of the week.

Acrosstheuniverse123 Mon 20-Nov-17 20:19:15

Boys don't have an easy time either. It's just as hard for them in different ways.

happy2bhomely Mon 20-Nov-17 20:19:18

I've got 2 sons and 3 daughters.

I worry about them all but I do worry more about my girls for all of the reasons you said. I am still very glad to have them.

But having girls also makes me much more aware of how I'm raising my sons.

It's a bit like when small children start school. Everyone is worried about 'the bullies' and how to protect their dc from them but never stop to think to make sure their dc isn't one!

I hope I am raising 5 feminists.

JonnaSilvie Mon 20-Nov-17 20:19:20

On the flip side, surely raising sons means you take on the mantle of responsibility of making sure they don't become misogynistic or dangerous men?

CheshireChat Mon 20-Nov-17 20:19:49

arsenalwatford Do you have any idea how misogynistic is what you just said?

If not have a look at the history of the word 'hysterical'.

Rarotonga Mon 20-Nov-17 20:20:31

You have no say in it...you get what you are given!

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