To really not want daughters?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH and I will be starting TTC soon, and have been talking about how we’d raise our children. And as we’ve discussed it, I’ve begun to realise that I really don’t want to have any girls.

Don’t get me wrong, I think having a daughter is in itself a wonderful thing. It’s more an issue of the world I would be raising a daughter in.

You’ve got trans rights activists erasing women everywhere you turn- women’s spaces being opened to anyone who calls themselves a woman, a 19 year old male is now a CLP Women’s officer, guidance in Scotland being issued saying if a student isn’t comfortable sharing a changing room with a trans pupil they should change somewhere else (obviously I know that would apply to boys too).

Sexual harassment and assault fucking everywhere. I’ve genuinely lost count of the number of times I’ve been grabbed, groped or catcalled. I know more women who’ve had some sort of encounter of that kind than haven’t. And of course, the victim blaming and slut shaming that occurs around it.

Those are just a few examples.

The more I think about it, the less I feel like I’d happy to bring a girl up in such a deeply misogynistic society. I just don’t see it getting any better. If anything, it’s getting worse.

AIBU?

Maiden

My DD is a strong confidant woman and like her DM has no problem negotiating her way through life. Think you should have a rethink about having kids at all.

There is a quote in the Great Gatsby, Daisy if memory serves correctly. Something about “the best thing a girl can be is a beautiful little fool”.

Seems about right for just now, you need to be dumb to what’s going on, or to not think and be a beautiful object in order to be happy.

Mine too expat
Lot of overthinking going on here.

I have girls and wouldn't swap them for anything. I have one who is stubborn and fiery will take on anyone and anything and the other who just sails through everything without a care. Neither is fazed by anything. As an older dad I'd rather have girls I feel I can advise them better in today's world I genuinely wouldn't know how to raise boys.

yolo I'm glad but it's happened to every one of my friends I have discussed it with .
I suppose I could have just said objectified but I think it's worse than that

YABU to try to conceive if you would not be content to have a child of either sex. Until you can reconcile yourself to the possibility of having a girl then I think you should not TTC. It's not fair on any girl you may have.

I have a DD, I wouldn't swap her for the world. Of course, there are things about the world that make me worry, but sometimes you just have to do the best you can. So- I love her, have tried to give her self-confidence and a sense of self worth, a good education and the opportunities to make the most of her talents. What more can you do for any child?

I think you are kidding yourself if you think you won't have worries if you only have sons- there are so many dangers in the world/things that could go wrong.

Just to clarify, all of the above has happened to my brother.

Raise your children well, whatever sex they are and the world will be better.

Excellent. Well said.

You’re so right OP. Because having boys is so worry free. I never worry about my boys, they don’t face anything girls do. Oh wait...

Seriously if you believe you only want males because you’ll face no anguish and they’ll have it so easy, you probably shouldn’t start a family. It’s very easy to see what you want to see from the outside but when you’re raising children, of either sex, you’ll soon get the reality.

if he happens to be white and straight it's nothing less than a witch hunt and he has a bullseye on his back.

I don't believe that for a moment.

I also think when you decide for a baby you have to want your child whatever form they take, be that Male, female, intersex, transgender, straight, gay, bi, asexual, able minded or bodied or mentally or physically disabled. It’s a lottery. And if you will only be happy with one variety of child, then you’re not ready to conceive. Because they all face challenges in our world.

You’ll know you’re ready to conceive when all you want is a child, and you know you will love your child whatever.. Then you’re ready to conceive.

I love being female, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my daughter, I wouldn’t change her for a son, and I love my female friends and family members and wouldn’t change them to men either.

I also love the men in my life, and we all have our place in society. It’s no longer a mans world and we shouldn’t strive to make it one by stamping out our own gender.

Ffs. What sort of a shit world do you think you would be bringing your boys into if everyone took your stupid attitude and went out of their way to avoid having girls? Don't have children at all if you think the world is too awful for girls to be born into it.

I raise my girls as strong, smart feminists who can stand up for themselves and others, so that one day all the problems you highlighted in your OP won’t be problems anymore

I have been blessed with both a ds and a dd.

Now young adults.

Have been through hell and back with both of them in different ways.

We still love them.

Your assuming a girl will be at risk from men. Are you suggesting I’m wrong?

Your assuming a boy will grow up to sexually harass someone. I’m doing no such thing.

I am a woman and have never had any of what you said happen to me. Then you should consider yourself lucky.

Me, all of my family and the vast majority of my friends have never had it happen. I've never even had a cheeky grope in a nightclub or a single whistle by a builder. As should you.

I wanted to have girls. Men behave so terribly, I couldn't bear if my son grew up to be an abuser or a misogynist. Even the "good ones" are sexist deep down. Anyway I'm now pregnant with a son. And if anyone is going to say that you can "raise them right", you can't. You can do your best, but plenty of people who were raised by excellent parents don't turn out excellent. It's not that simple.

Don't get pregnant. You hate half the species and don't want one of the other half. You should not be a parent.

I have one of each. I lay awake at night worrying about my girl and the the struggles I know she’ll have. I’m terrified that when she’s older women’s spaces will be no more, and I think women’s rights are going backwards not forwards.

I worry very little about my son’s future. He’s got male privilege on his side, that isn’t changing anytime soon

I think you are perhaps not ready to try for a baby just yet.

I think people telling the OP not to TTC are purposefully missing the point.

And it’s very telling when people think a criticism of the way women are treated = they must hate men 🙄

Don't get pregnant. You hate half the species and don't want one of the other half. You should not be a parent.

That’s rather harsh. I don’t hate anybody. And should I have girls of course I will love them and do my very best to raise them and equip them to navigate the world around them successfully.

Your assuming a girl will be at risk from men. Are you suggesting I’m wrong?

Yes, you’re wrong, for a number of reasons.

Firstly it’s not a given,
secondly your view is too narrow, she could just as easily be at risk from other females, check out some of the school bullying threads, some of the media reports of women on women attacks.
Thirdly men are also at risk from other men,
Fourthly men are also at risk from women, check out some of the domestic abuse media reports, the,false rape claims.

So yes, whilst we could narrowly say a girl could be at risk from men, it’s not the whole story is it, and that’s why you’re wrong, you’ve slanted it to suit your strange narrative and odd justification for not wanting a daughter,,the truth is as Humans we are simply at risk from the bad in our society.

To be right you have to Post the whole truth. Not just a sub section to try to justify yourself.

I love having two boys. I don't feel I have missed a thing not having a girl. I am not worried about any MIL stuff or never being the Mother of the Bride.

I do worry about them though.