To really not want daughters?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH and I will be starting TTC soon, and have been talking about how we’d raise our children. And as we’ve discussed it, I’ve begun to realise that I really don’t want to have any girls.

Don’t get me wrong, I think having a daughter is in itself a wonderful thing. It’s more an issue of the world I would be raising a daughter in.

You’ve got trans rights activists erasing women everywhere you turn- women’s spaces being opened to anyone who calls themselves a woman, a 19 year old male is now a CLP Women’s officer, guidance in Scotland being issued saying if a student isn’t comfortable sharing a changing room with a trans pupil they should change somewhere else (obviously I know that would apply to boys too).

Sexual harassment and assault fucking everywhere. I’ve genuinely lost count of the number of times I’ve been grabbed, groped or catcalled. I know more women who’ve had some sort of encounter of that kind than haven’t. And of course, the victim blaming and slut shaming that occurs around it.

Those are just a few examples.

The more I think about it, the less I feel like I’d happy to bring a girl up in such a deeply misogynistic society. I just don’t see it getting any better. If anything, it’s getting worse.

AIBU?

"Until you are happy to have either sex, then I think you should hold off TTC."

Absolutely this. I love having three daughters, but would have felt blessed with either, and didn't find out the sex beforehand with any of them. It really shouldn't matter - being a parent comes with its own worries and problems no matter what combination of sexes you give birth to.

Fourthly men are also at risk from women, check out some of the domestic abuse media reports, the,false rape claims.

You’re the one who needs to check your facts Bluntness. Men experience DV largely from other men. Itvusually gay men who are victims. Men also make up 96% of violent and sexual violent crimes. Re ‘false rape claims’ the numbers of women actually doing this are tiny. For every 1 ‘false claim’ (many of which no one person is targeted) 156 women are are raped. The CPS releases figures to show that in a 18 month period, only 35 women falsely claimed they were raped.

Men are absolutely not in danger from women. The male on female crime is however shocking. Violence against women makes up for 20% of crimes in the U.K. 1 in 5 women sexually assaulted. 1 in 4 experience DA. Stop minimising

Yeah, let's all just have boy babies!!

That's the answer to misogyny.

Not.

Yep, because only having boys is the way to solve this problem.

I concur with PPs. I love being a woman. Have never felt "less than" for being one. And am thrilled to have two wonderful daughters who I will - hopefully - raise to be confident, well-adjusted, ambitious women.

I also have two sons. Raising children of different sexes does typically come with different sets of issues. But arseholes come in both sexes, and it's important to remember that when raising your children. You don't get a free parenting pass either way.

Having boys will render you the satan MIL once they find spouses. You'll most likely see them once in a blue moon and find yourself the subject of many a MN thread if you even dare ask to hold your grandchild.

I'd much rather have girls.

Cherry, I don’t need To check my facts, female on Male domestic violence is a very real thing, I did not talk about prevalence and for you to deny it happens is very wrong. You do a huge disservice to any man who has suffered at the hands of a woman.

I’m not intending to take any measures not to have girls

i have 2 ds and 1s.I can honestly say i was more worried about my son growing up than my girls.

When did I deny it happened? I’m saying men (as a class) are not in danger of women. A handful of men experiencing DV (and yes I know it happens, it happened to my brother) does not prove that women are a danger.

OP I know exactly what you mean, you haven’t come on here and said “I don’t like little girls cos they moan”, or something, you’ve shown an understanding of how misogyny reigns the world over and how hard that may be to raise a child. Don’t listen to people telling you to not TTC. I don’t think they’re reading the thread properly.

I don’t think they’re reading the thread properly.

I'm reading properly thank you!

@specialsubject

Don't get pregnant. You hate half the species and don't want one of the other half. You should not be a parent.

This. ^

I love my (2) girls, and would not give them up for the world.

I would probably have felt the same about boys.

I find the OP's post(s) very distasteful.

I agree that you should hold off ttc until you get your head around being happy with either .
I have one of each & worry about both of them, for lots of different reasons.

If I hated half the species I wouldn’t have married one of them, would I?

Having boys will render you the satan MIL once they find spouses. You'll most likely see them once in a blue moon and find yourself the subject of many a MN thread if you even dare ask to hold your grandchild.

I'd much rather have girls.

Good points @VladimirsPoutin

I know many a woman with sons, who have a much less close relationship with the grandkids than the mother of the son's wife.

How terribly sad this all is. I have taught only boys, and been a boys' housemistress for many years (and also in single-sex girls' schools and co-ed). Boys are all mouth and muscle in their teen years, but so terribly fragile in so many ways. Why else would so many commit suicide? The number of sad, weeping, overwhelmed young men I have counselled over the years is huge. I raised my own sons to be caring, loving and respectful. One of them has been thrown out by his wife, who has been raised to have no respect for a gentle man, and pushed him to the limit to show some violence towards her - the way she was brought up. Of course, no-one knows how anyone else's marriage functions, so I reserve judgement on fault. My daughter has been brought up to be independent, strong and in control of her own destiny, but also to respect all, men included. Her DH is her perfect match.

This is batshit. If some things about society bother you so much you wouldn’t want a baby girl, don’t ttc.
Yes, it is a mans world. However as a woman in Britain 2017, my life and the life of my female family members and friends isn’t really that bad day to day. It’s quite nice
I have a ds and if I have another a baby girl would be lovely. But id love a baby boy too. You get what you are given please be grateful for a healthy baby.

When i found out I was having a boy- both times- I felt relief. My sons will never experience the rapes, sexual assaults etc I have.
A daughter would be a blessing, but I'd be terrified for her as she gets older.

I’m thrilled that I’ve got 2 DDs and I’m raising them to be kickass feminists.

Get over yourself.
Having children is a privilege and you are being ridiculous.

Ellen — you are naive to think rape is an exclusively female trauma.

I grew up with groping being quite normalised in the industry I worked in- hospitality. It’s only when I think about my own daughters that I get the full realisation of how wrong it was ‘back then’. It was rife and it happened to every single female colleague. We dealt with it in our own ways; sometimes laughing it off, sometimes ignoring it completely, sometimes getting fucking angry.
My daughters will be aware of what is appropriate and what is not appropriate as I and their Father will educate them in ways our parents never did. Change is happening and whilst we can’t guarantee their safety in any area of life, we do not sit fretting about the what-ifs, we embrace them as people and encourage them to be capable and robust which they will hopefully apply to all areas of their lives.

Our sons on the other hand; our worry about them is on a different level. When they retaliate physically to the bully’s, when they feel like they want to cry but are told they are weak, when they want to try something new but are afraid how it will be viewed by their mates...the list goes on.

As other PP’s have said, you will worry about your children, the world that they live in and the challenges that they face, regardless of whether they are male or female.

i have 2 daughters and 2 sons and to be honest you worry about both sex exactly the same. Its not about the sex of the child its the up bringing and teaching them right from wrong and ensuring they understand why you are doing what you do. my eldest is female and she goes to high school next year, i am so worried about her going but you have to question is this because she is the oldest??

Recent TRA development have made me tend to agree with you OP. I grew up in a world where things were at least improving for women, things weren't perfect but they were on the up for women and girls, but now it's taking an apparently unstoppable nose dive I think it's a bad time to be a girl!

This doesn’t make any sense OP. You dont want a girl because men are abusive misogynistic bastard, so you’d rather have one of them?

As for the PP pregnant with a boy who says “men behave terribly”, what, all of them? The one who made you pregnant? Your dad? Brothers? Don’t get me wrong misogyny and lack of sex equality is a big and depressing problem but ridiculous labelling doesn’t help either.

So ppl are happy that they only have boys because girls are the victims of misogyny and sexual assault. Let's see... so who is perpetrating all this misogyny and assault then?