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To expect a thank you card?

(152 Posts)
Catscrat Sun 24-Sep-17 20:52:51

DH and I have just attended our 4th wedding of the year so this is fresh in my mind...

I've noticed a trend the last couple of years, of the happy couple not sending a thank you card/note for the gift you bought them. When DH and I got married 8ish years ago, I painstainkingly wrote out 100+ thank you notes for the presents and vouchers we'd received and was happy to do so. We had several friends get married around the same time and received cards from them thanking us for the gifts we'd given. However without exception, the last 2 or 3 years we haven't received a single thank you after any of the weddings we've attended.

Is it just me who thinks this is a bit rude? On any other occasion (birthday, Christmas etc) you'd expect the person to whom you'd given a present to say thank you, whether it's a text, card, email or in person, and I don't see how a wedding is any different? Particularly when you've spent £50-100 on a present (as we normally do at weddings) it just seems a bit rude for the couple not even to acknowledge it...feeling a bit huffy about it!


NoKidsTwoCats Sun 24-Sep-17 20:56:07

It's rude. Like you say, guests often go to considerable effort and expense to attend a wedding, the very least the bride and groom can do is acknowledge that with a thank you - whether it's by phone/text, in person or with a card.

I've been to one or to with no 'thank you' and felt the same.

That said, maybe your card is on the way? Went to a wedding last year and got a thank you card about 6 months later! shock. Better late than never!

MabelFurball Sun 24-Sep-17 20:57:27

No YANBU. I would expect a thank you as well. Have attended two weddings in the last few years and no thank you from either. I think it is rude and bad mannered.

turquoise88 Sun 24-Sep-17 20:59:22

I think in this day and age, some
couples think that they can get away with posting a generic "thanks everyone for coming etc etc" post on social media and be done with it. Easy way out, I guess.

You're right OP, it is rude. If you can't be arsed to thank everyone individually because so many attended, you shouldn't have invited them all.

Guavaf1sh Sun 24-Sep-17 20:59:45

YANBU- but it is the trend now so don't take it personally

GirlOnATrainToShite Sun 24-Sep-17 21:00:13

It's not a trend - it's rude.

allthegoodusernameshavegone Sun 24-Sep-17 21:00:40

Yanbu..... I get annoyed when buying babies gifts you get these cutesy thank you notes thanking you for their gift all signed by babies name, with time taken to dip their little tootsies in paint etc etc. then when they're old enough to write the note themselves Nader, not a jot even when they are old enough to text. It's just a done thing to thank someone for a gift regardless of price tag, it also informs you that they received the gift if done on an online list through a store.. it's just rude. Ok rant over

eyebrowseyebrows Sun 24-Sep-17 21:03:03

YANBU but is it really a trend or do you just have rude friends?

I've been to quite a few weddings over the past two years and have never not had a thank you card...we're getting married in December and will definitely be doing thank you cards.

In all the ridiculous amount of wedding magazines, forums, etc I've read over the past 18 months I haven't seen any evidence of a trend. I haven't even seen one article discussing pros and cons as though it's optional for example...

ZippyCameBack Sun 24-Sep-17 21:03:27

If I was thanked in person when I gave the gift, I wouldn't expect anything else. But then I'd be more interested in the giving part than the thanks part, and would want the newlyweds to save their time and money for more important things.
That wasn't meant to sound stroppy, sorry if it does, I just wouldn't care. I might be mildly put out if I hadn't attended the wedding but had sent a gift and it wasn't acknowledged, but only mildly so.

turquoise88 Sun 24-Sep-17 21:04:21

It's a trend?! How is is trendy to not say thank you for something? It's just rude, and that's it.

cardibach Sun 24-Sep-17 21:05:28

I dislike cards of any description and, as a PP said, if I'd been thanked in person I'd be more than happy. If not, a text or similar would be fine. Saying thank you is polite - people who get all worked up about the method of thanks are odd.

nodogsinthebedroom Sun 24-Sep-17 21:06:18

YANBU. I went to a wedding on 1st September.. no thank you card yet but tbf I'm sure it will take a while for them to write them all.. if it still hasn't appeared in a couple of weeks I'll be pissed off.

CatsOclock Sun 24-Sep-17 21:06:58

I also think it's rude. There seem to be more entitled people around these days. That said, did you definitely put your name on it? And was it definitely received?

nodogsinthebedroom Sun 24-Sep-17 21:07:15

(thank you text or phone call also fine but haven't had this either - despite being in contact hmm)

Annabelle4 Sun 24-Sep-17 21:08:40

I've noticed it too. YANBU. It's so rude.

britespark1 Sun 24-Sep-17 21:10:44

Definitely rude! I was a bridesmaid and DH an usher at our friends wedding last December - gave a cash gift as per the poem, and still waiting for a thank you.....

mctat Sun 24-Sep-17 21:11:30

If they're anything like we were, the cards are in the pipeline. Ours were embarrassingly late but we got there eventually (blame quick pregnancy, arrival of dd, and wanting to write personal messages - bad combo!) blush

eyebrowseyebrows Sun 24-Sep-17 21:11:36


If they want to use one of their wedding photos as the front of the thank you card (which is quite common) it will take some time to get the photos from the photographer and then get the cards printed...

Catscrat Sun 24-Sep-17 21:12:34

Oh I'm glad it's just not me that thinks it's rude. Turquoise88 you're right about the social media thing, I've noticed couples doing generic thank yous that way. I would be totally happy to be thanked in person, don't mind about how it's done - just a little acknowledgement?! CatsOClock - this is multiple weddings so definitely not an oversight confused

Betsy86 Sun 24-Sep-17 21:13:19

It is really rude! Yanbu x

Emeraude Sun 24-Sep-17 21:15:23

I've never given a present at a wedding and not received a thank you card, and I'm 30 so have just gone through the wedding years.

Crumbs1 Sun 24-Sep-17 21:15:40

It's rude. I've been to three weddings this year and we've always had cards so not sure it's 'a trend' amongst well brought up young people.

Outlookmainlyfair Sun 24-Sep-17 21:19:37

I think it is incredibly rude not to give thank yous. I don't mind if it in person, text or email - but I love a card or letter. Not a wedding, but a for a Christmas present I got one card that took the biscuit- a photo of a child holding a toy sent to everyone saying thank you so much for my gift I got just what a wanted a XX. For us and everyone else who did not give the XX had to consider if it was a thank you not or a telling off for not getting the preferred toy. It did make us laugh.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Sun 24-Sep-17 21:19:47

Very rude.

Giraffey1 Sun 24-Sep-17 21:22:27

This is not a trend, that is just a excuse. It's undoubtedly rude. I still remember a group of us clubbing together to buy a friend a wedding gift. We went to the trouble of hiring a minibus and driver to travel long distance to attend her wedding. None of us ever heard anything from her ever again. Beyond rude!

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