To expect a thank you card?

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DH and I have just attended our 4th wedding of the year so this is fresh in my mind...

I've noticed a trend the last couple of years, of the happy couple not sending a thank you card/note for the gift you bought them. When DH and I got married 8ish years ago, I painstainkingly wrote out 100+ thank you notes for the presents and vouchers we'd received and was happy to do so. We had several friends get married around the same time and received cards from them thanking us for the gifts we'd given. However without exception, the last 2 or 3 years we haven't received a single thank you after any of the weddings we've attended.

Is it just me who thinks this is a bit rude? On any other occasion (birthday, Christmas etc) you'd expect the person to whom you'd given a present to say thank you, whether it's a text, card, email or in person, and I don't see how a wedding is any different? Particularly when you've spent £50-100 on a present (as we normally do at weddings) it just seems a bit rude for the couple not even to acknowledge it...feeling a bit huffy about it!

AIBU?

Not exactly rude, but it is very bad manners not to thank people for a wedding present afterwards.

It's definitely very rude. I have noticed that this also happens with children's parties now- no thank you cards/letters send out.

It's ungrateful and grabby.

A thank you card shows that the recipient is grateful and appreciates the thoughtful gift.

I think it's very old fashioned, and have never sent thank you cards! I said thank you when it was given, why write a card that will go straight in the bin too?

I think life is too short. I thank people in person. If I've invited them then they are close enough to me to know that I am ridiculously busy.

I think it's good manners to send a card, especially if the gift has been sent through the post (esp for birthdays)

I hardly ever receive them, don't even know if the present has arrived. I find it really rude.

It doesn't take long to buy a pack of thank you cards and write a few lines

I don't put thank you cards straight in the bin. I put them on display to remind me of the person who sent it.
I often write a thank you note if we have been to a party or events and enjoyed it, or if someone has been particularly kind or helpful. Why not?

A wedding is generally a formal event where you would receive an invitation through the post, so it seems to follow that you would receive a thank you card through the post too; that's why I mentioned thank you cards. I do see the point people are making about thank you cards being unnecessary if the thank you has come in another form.

That wasn't the main point I was making in the OP- I was talking about B&Gs who have never sent ANY form of thank you after the wedding - in person or otherwise- and finding that to be bad manners.

Wow. That is rude. I don’t even like text or email thank yous

When I got married years ago I had wrote 150 thank you letters. I was very bored of thank you letter writing by the end of it.

Maybe you’ll get a lovely Facebook mass-thank-you-poem message OP!

Then you can tell us and we can all do this together

We got married in April 2015 and we sent thank you cards to everyone. It's just good manners.

In the large (300 people plus) Indian weddings I’ve been to, people will go to the bride and groom directly to give them gifts. You need to allow time for that but it’s done graciously. Where this can’t happen, the bride and group will often text everyone individually. Not sure why a thank you card would be required.

And do you advertise this? Cause I'd be totally happy to skip giving gifts to those that don't acknowledge them but, in my experience, you try it and they get in touch wondering where their present is.

I agree with you @barbarianmum I am slowly losing patience with family who don't sent thank you notes and am scaling back present giving. For the eco aspect, I don't mind if it is a text or email or in some cases a thank you if I am in the room when they find the present - manners are free and can be eco friendly too.

I have to admit the claimed "eco concern" made me smile, as none of the brides I've known have seemed especially worried about the issue when lashing out on endless extras for their weddings

A few have suddenly discovered they're very concerned when it comes to a simple thank you note though, so it's perhaps surprising most didn't bother with an email or text either

It's fine not to send a card or note or email or whatever if you receive the gift in person. But if you don't receive it face to face, then I think it's only right to at least acknowledge that the gift has arrived safely!

Really pleased for you TheEdgeOfGlory266

If I've invited them then they are close enough to me to know that I am ridiculously busy.

We're all busy. Your guests are probably busy people, who found the time and made the effort to attend your wedding.

Oooh £100! Well then that does make a difference. Maybe they mistook your £100 present for a £30 one and that's why they didn't send a card. Not sending a card when you have spent MONEY-how rude!

Sarcasm aside who were these people-in a lot of other countries thank you cards seem a bit superfluous if not downright silly. In some cultures/laguages the word for 'thank you' doesn't exist because there is an assumption that one is always greatful for anything one receives. It may just be cultural.

If I've invited them then they are close enough to me to know that I am ridiculously busy.

so busy, but you still find the time to post on a fairly trivial thread on this forum.

My daughter got married 4yrs ago & sent out thank you cards, when their son was born at the beginning of this year she carefully wrote down a list of everyone that gave him a present & got little thank you cards made with his picture on them & the same again at his christening everyone got a thank you cards that were all personalised with a picture of them & my grandson on the day, as she had paid a photographer to take everyone/couples pictures with him & those that sent presents that weren’t there got a card with a picture of him in his outfit. She is 25 & says it’s only manners to thanks people for their time & consideration at picking you a gift.

I was brought up to write thank you letters at birthdays & Christmases, my 3 girls were brought up the same.

It's interesting re the comments of B&G's needing to wait for the photos to come in as they want to send out cards with a photo. At my first wedding over 30 years ago, photos were taken during the day, the photographer went away to develop them and brought a selection of prints back to the evening reception for guests to choose from (if they wished to buy any). In this digital age where 100's of photos are taken and could be available instantly it seems to take forever for any photos to appear after the wedding

nana Yes we were the same, married over 20 years ago and was same for my brother's wedding over 40 years ago.

Quite formal photos, and photos of all the guests in their finery in either couple/family groups or with the B&G if they preferred. You chose your photo numbers and paid the photographer and had them delivered a week or so later.....and no need to ban anyone from putting photos on social media until the official photos come out.

Same here, married over 30 years ago, photographer stayed until we cut the cake, then dashed back to his studio to develop a set of proofs which he brought back to the evening reception around 8pm. Guests could look and choose (if they wished) what to order, with pictures being sent to them a couple of weeks later. We had the proofs for several weeks until we had made our final choices. I think our parents ordered at the same time as us.
Our 'thank you ' cards-letters were written and posted before I ordered my pics! I am afraid I find the attitude of some people on here very rude - you are too busy to write a short 'thank you ' to someone who has spent their time and money attending your wedding and choosing and paying for a gift - really? Many brides are sticklers for manners when they consider their guests rude ( asking for +1/ babes in arms,to be invited etc), yet are not so keen to observe basic etiquette when it involves a small amount of effort on their own behalf.