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To request no kids on the wedding invites?

(427 Posts)
Curlyhepburn Thu 24-Aug-17 07:45:31

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.
I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

5rivers7hills Thu 24-Aug-17 07:46:36

Your wedding you do whatever you want.

<awaits £5 billion pages from people saying they wouldn't come and their children are the most important things at weddings>

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 24-Aug-17 07:47:00

That is absolutely the time to do it - just a little note stating that number restrictions mean that unfortunately no kids can be accommodated

PoppyPopcorn Thu 24-Aug-17 07:48:33

Your wedding, your choice. Have whoever you want at your wedding!

You have to be prepared though - if you have lots of friends with smaller children they may say they can't/won't leave their children and might have to decline your invitation.

TheNaze73 Thu 24-Aug-17 07:48:56

YANBU or daft in the slightest. It's your wedding, your day & your call.

Prepare yourself however for the sanctimonious enslaught of people telling you, you're wrong wink

Wellmeetontheledge Thu 24-Aug-17 07:49:09

Best to say now so that people can arrange childcare smile

LoniceraJaponica Thu 24-Aug-17 07:49:59

I think it is far better to be upfront about it, but don't be disappointed if some people can't come because they can't get childcare. And please be understanding that it would be virtually impossible for a mother to leave a breastfed baby.

Mrscropley Thu 24-Aug-17 07:50:17

Make the invites crystal clear. .
I didn't and my friend's dd put pics of her new dress on instagram that she was wearing to our wedding - - how could I say sorry but you aren't invited to a 12 year old?

AuntieStella Thu 24-Aug-17 07:50:28

Write the names of those invited on the invitations.

As some people don't seem to realise that only those on the invitation are invited, I'd include a note with the invitation to any you are concerned would bring additional people (on grounds of age, or unknown transient lovers, or whoever). And write it on the back of the invitation too. Or on the front if you're worried they'll be obtuse.

Mrscropley Thu 24-Aug-17 07:51:15

Oh and her little sister popped up like where's bloody Wally on all of the wedding photos!!

Alanna1 Thu 24-Aug-17 07:52:11

Your wedding, your choice! Honestly I have never understood why people complain about this. If people can't get childcare (whether can't or don't want to pay for it) they don't have to come!

NoParticularPattern Thu 24-Aug-17 07:52:56

It's ultimately your call. Like others have said I would be prepared for people who have small children to potentially not come. Perhaps if there are some very close friends with children who you would absolutely like there then you could warn them further in advance than the invites going out? Give them as long as possible to decide. But do be prepared for people to not come because of it. A lot will sort childcare out no problem, but some might not be able to/want to.

acquiescence Thu 24-Aug-17 07:54:00

Don't say that it is because of numbers if it is a lie. We put "we have opted to have a child free wedding. We hope this does not cause inconvenience" or something to that effect. No issues. We made exceptions for little babies. (In advance yabu if you expect mothers of tiny ones to attend without their babies who are too young to be left).
Good luck with the planning!

fannydaggerz Thu 24-Aug-17 07:54:10

It's your day so your choice but please note that a few guests may not come due to childcare.

Neutrogena Thu 24-Aug-17 07:54:12

Your real friends will sort out childcare.
Your fake friends will make a big deal out of it and make it all about them and their children.

FrancisCrawford Thu 24-Aug-17 07:54:36

Name the invitees on the invitation

That makes it crystal clear who is invited and who is not

And yes, it is perfectly fine to only invite adults/older kids

Your event - your choice

They can then chose whether or not to attend

MaisyPops Thu 24-Aug-17 07:54:58

I'm not a fan of saying who isn't invited on invites. Rather than state no kids, I'd just name who is invited.Like 'John and Mary Smith'

If anyone tries to RSVP for their children then you say 'there must be a misunderstanding. The invite was for you and Mary, not thr children'. Show them up for not reading it.

I'm not a fan of child free weddings, but couples who choose to have them need to be aware that some friends won't attend. Equally, i think that nursing babies are considered to be the reasonable exception qnd the parent steps out if needed. If you go blanket ban on that people again wont attend.

Witsender Thu 24-Aug-17 07:55:47

I would go with the above. There's no need for excuses. Just be prepared for some not to come as it may present issues with younger children.

I have no issues with child free weddings, only brides and grooms that take offense when an invite is declined due to children.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 24-Aug-17 07:57:42

A note shouldn't be necessary. How the invitation is addressed should be efficient. For example, if it's made out to Mr. and Mrs. William Jones, that means only the 2 of them are invited. If you had "and Family" after the name, it signifies children are welcome.

Oysterbabe Thu 24-Aug-17 07:57:58

What about newborns / babes in arms? Presumably an exception?

Notso Thu 24-Aug-17 07:58:24

Invite who you like but don't question anyone who doesn't come because they can't/don't want to get childcare.

BWatchWatcher Thu 24-Aug-17 07:58:25

Just be prepared that if you have a location wedding and family/friends with small children that they will decline. Childcare for family weddings can be hard!

LakieLady Thu 24-Aug-17 07:58:47

YANBU at all. And imo anyone who thinks that their children are welcome at any and all social events is deluded.

But then I'm old school and know that an invitation including children says "X, Y and family", not just "X & Y", and one that includes any transient partner says "X plus one".

Oh, and I wouldn't dream of wearing black or white to a wedding!

LoniceraJaponica Thu 24-Aug-17 07:58:54

Neutrogena being a real friend doesn't necessarily mean that it is any easier to sort out childcare hmm

If the other childcare options are already at the wedding or unavailable then there is no childcare. This isn't a measure of friendship hmm

FrancisCrawford Thu 24-Aug-17 07:59:20

If the baby isn't named, then it isn't invited

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