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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request no kids on the wedding invites?

426 replies

Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 07:45

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.

I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 24/08/2017 08:00

@Oysterbabe

What about newborns / babes in arms? Presumably an exception?

I hope not. They are the worst. The parents cannot relax or enjoy it, and the baby takes attention away from the bride's dress and makes noises.
If a woman has just had a baby, she should be at home with baby.

swingofthings · 24/08/2017 08:00

Same here but I actually talk with all who had little kids as I felt it more personal. I was expecting some to be a bit upset or decide not to come but instead many said it was a good excuse for a relax day without the kids. None had kids under 4 though.

One family member ignored me and came with their son which at first annoyed me especially as difficult to explain to others but tobe fair they came from abroad so could understand. They were brilliantly behaved and I really e joyed having them there. No one said anything about it or show any annoyance.

LoniceraJaponica · 24/08/2017 08:01

Is it at a venue that is local to most of the guests or in a "destination" hotel?

yorkshapudding · 24/08/2017 08:01

Definitely make it clear on the invitation.

We've been invited to a couple of weddings where it was just mine and DH's names on the invitation (so we assumed no kids and organised childcare) only to be asked "where's DD?? why haven't you brought her??" on the day by the B&G.
Consequently, the last wedding we were invited to we asked the bride and groom, which felt a bit awkward as we didn't want them to feel obliged to invite DD, but it wasn't clear from the invitation.

Much better for everyone if you're upfront about it from the word go.

adviceadviceasvice · 24/08/2017 08:02

Yanbu. I didn't have children at my wedding and wouldn't be offended if i received an invitation not inviting my children. Most parents can get a babysitter for one night

mumofone234 · 24/08/2017 08:02

I think it's fine to request that as long as you're aware some parents might not be able to make it. I had to decline a child-free wedding invite because DS was still very small and the couple went ballistic about me not coming. We're no longer friends...

Littlecaf · 24/08/2017 08:02

Have been invited to a child free wedding later this year. We've planned for DGPs to have DS2. Can't wait for a toddler free day.

Maybe people will look forward to a day without kids!

I do think though saying no babies is unreasonable. Most wouldn't leave an under 6 month for a whole day. If you're bfeeding you can't anyway. Most guests understand that when the baby cries in the ceremony that's the cue to remove them.

hooochycoo · 24/08/2017 08:02

If I got an invite adressed to me and my husband, with no mention of no kids, I'd assume that it meant the kids too.

If you are going to have no kids, ( and that'll mean some people won't be able to come and others spend money on childcare or ask others to help them with childcare) then make sure it means no kids. It's really annoying to have spent time and money on getting kids looked after to then spend the wedding listening the groom's cousins baby crying and warching the bride's nieces and nephews running about.

Madwoman5 · 24/08/2017 08:03

Be specific and consistent. "We have opted for a child free wedding and cannot accommodate children aged 12 and under."
Consistent in as much as no kids all day not no kids wedding and reception but kids in evening as that really buggers up couples coming from far away whose kids want to join in but have to be minded for most of the day when guest is at wedding. Iyswim.

TurnipCake · 24/08/2017 08:03

A childfree wedding is fine Grin

Our venue doesn't allow children under 12 so that was easy enough. Only one friend got in touch to clarify no kids and she was fine with it

McTufty · 24/08/2017 08:03

Yeah this is totally fine! Some people might moan, but people moan whatever you do when you get married. Have a lovely day!

rachrach2 · 24/08/2017 08:03

I don't quite agree with the comment above about real friends will find babysitters. I have no problem with child free weddings at all (apart from I think small babies should be welcome and it's nice if nieces and nephews are too), but I've had to decline two. One when my baby was a few months old, breastfed and the wedding was in Ireland so it was impossible. The other was my husband's cousin (and daughter's godfather). His family were all obviously at the wedding and my family and trusted babysitter were all busy. It was a weekday so my friends were working. I just ran out of options. I was very sad to miss them but i totally understood the cousin one, not so much the first.

I'd be clear on the invites and graciously accept declines if they have childcare issues.

stormytherabbit · 24/08/2017 08:03

Much prefer a wedding without kids!

McTufty · 24/08/2017 08:04

neutrogena

I agree babies are the worst at weddings (although we did make an exception for them) for all sorts of reasons but they don't take away from the bride's dress surely?!

Hulababy · 24/08/2017 08:05

Not inviting children is acceptable and, in some circles, the norm these days.

As well as only writing the guests names on the invitation you must make it clear that children are NOT invited and the invitation is only for names guests. Not everyone knows the names on envelope rule - on both sides - especially if they've not been to many weddings etc.

And do NOT get upset or offended if someone says they can't or won't come as a result. That's their choice and they are allowed to say no if they want to. Not everyone has easy childcare, not everyone can find or pay for extra childcare and not everyone is able to or wants to leave young children for the day/overnight. And that's fine, their choice.

Make your choice and inform people.
Accept any consequences such as some guests not coming with good grace.
Enjoy your wedding.

JemandScout · 24/08/2017 08:05

Fine as others have said as long as you are clear.

Don't take any notice of the numpty advice about real friends finding childcare. Believe me, had we been invited to such a wedding when our children were young then there is no way we would have been able to find childcare. Neither of us have family able to help and at that stage had never used a babysitter. Weddings are often not near home and for long periods of time. It's completely understandable of someone says they ant find childcare to fit if they have very young children and lack of volunteers!

HeyMicky · 24/08/2017 08:06

We simply said on the invitations "Unfortunately, we are not able to accommodate children on the day".

We then spoke directly to two friends who had young babies and told them to bring them.

A friend put "babes in arms only" and had a few 15 month olds there Hmm

Luxembourgmama · 24/08/2017 08:07

We wrote no kids on the save the date. It wasn't popular with some people but fuck it its your wedding.

MrsPworkingmummy · 24/08/2017 08:08

YANBU - it is your wedding and it's up to you who you invite. I'm sure most parents who were invited, would be delighted by the opportunity to have a child-free date day (and an overnight hotel stay?). I know whenever my husband and I have been invited to weddings, we have jumped at the chance of having some quality time to ourselves.

Name explicitly on your invitations who is invited e.g Tom and Mary . That makes it clear without being rude, and i don't think guests could then interpret that as: 'Tom, Mary and children'.

WinterIsComingKnitFaster · 24/08/2017 08:08

I think you don't want to be fielding questions about "can DC come or not?" Even if they "should know" what the invitation means, there will always be people who don't and it's really awkward. Easier just to put a note on the bottom but I admit I can't think of a good form of words.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 24/08/2017 08:09

Where is the wedding?
Who do you really want there? What are their circumstances? Do they have appropriate family local to them, will their friends and family be attending the wedding?

Breastfed babies can't be left. Young babies generally aren't left with babysitters for prolonged periods.

It is often logistically difficult/ impossible to arrange babysitters for a long day, so don't be offended if a child free policy means people have to decline.

Hulababy · 24/08/2017 08:09

Your real friends will sort out childcare

You see. This is what I mean by accepting with good grace. There can be lots of reasons why it isn't possible for some people and that is fine. Cost, childcare availability, health issues, limited holidays from work, child can't be left for some reason, babies, feeding, etc.) You must accept that when you have exclusions. If you don't then it isn't fair on your guests. You are sending them an invitation. It isn't a summons which means they must attend. Your choice, their choice.

GwendolynMary · 24/08/2017 08:11

Just be consistent, either no children whatsoever or kids of all ages allowed. I went to one where the invite stated no kids. But on the day, there was a 1yo, a 9yo and an 11yo. The poor person with two toddlers felt very much the target of the 'no kids' statement, as the only other person in the group with kids and the only person who had done the right thing.

northernbobbydazzler · 24/08/2017 08:12

Put it on the invitation & be ready to respond to those that ask if they can bring their children as you'll probably get a few

CheeseDreams · 24/08/2017 08:12

Go for it!! My gruff got married last month and only had her kids there. The invite said 'dust off your party shoes and book your babysitter x and x are getting married!' I was thrilled kids weren't invited (I've got 3 aged 1-5) kid free day abs night was awesome!

We get married next month and are only have certain kids there, no one is bothered, in fact the ones who aren't bringing their kids are delighted whilst the ones who are bringing them aren't so enthusiastic!