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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request no kids on the wedding invites?

426 replies

Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 07:45

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.

I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

OP posts:
CheeseDreams · 24/08/2017 08:12

My friend, not my gruff!!!!!!!

Nancy91 · 24/08/2017 08:12

We are having child free including babies. Sorry but for the money we are spending on the wedding I can't risk there being screaming and crying all day. If people can't come because of this it's fine, but it's silly to assume your kids are invited unless otherwise stated.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/08/2017 08:14

Yanbu, I think child free weddings are fine. I'm not sure how I'd word it, may be something like "due to lack of room...."

Spikeyball · 24/08/2017 08:15

Completely fine as long as you don't moan if some people say they can't come.
To the poster who thinks otherwise - yes sometimes there really is no childcare. If the few people who can manage our child are already at the wedding/ not available then either one or both of us (if not local) can't go.

sparechange · 24/08/2017 08:15

If a woman has just had a baby, she should be at home with baby.
Err what now? Confused
Women shouldn't be allowed to leave the house for months after having a baby? Shock

Belt and braces - names on the invitations AND a line in the information saying you unfortunately can't accommodate children

Bluelonerose · 24/08/2017 08:16

I didn't have any kids but my own at my wedding. I just said to everyone I can't afford their kids as well.
I no people who have put on their invites "at request of the venue only children involved in the wedding are allowed.

Nanna50 · 24/08/2017 08:16

How many children are you not inviting? If it is something you want then I would make it clear on the invites as there will always be parents who assume it includes children, many a thread on here to confirm that.

Nicae · 24/08/2017 08:16

A lot of our friends were thrilled at the excuse to have a child free day! We did have 2 close friends with breastfed babies under 8 weeks and we specifically said that if they wanted to bring them they were welcome. I really don't think kids enjoy weddings and they end up fed up and naughty!

AngeloftheSouth84 · 24/08/2017 08:19

You need to make it clear on the invitation. Its all very well saying only those on the invitation are invited, but with children, they are seen as 'part of the family', not realising that the invitation literally means what it says on it. Otherwise you'll get people bringing their kids, or contacting you for clarification. So just say it from the start.

Wormulonian · 24/08/2017 08:19

Your wedding - your rules. I would explicitly say no children. If the invite says Mr&Mrs Smith the couple may assume they can bring their children or you may get a lot of calls/emails about it. Better to be clear from the start.

Original poster
Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 08:19

I totally understand when it comes to childcare being difficult, ive been there do e that and missed a fair few do's .
The wedding will be at a nice hotel about 45 /60 min drive out of the city but we plan on having a coach to pick up and take back guests to/from city centre.
Most folk live in the city but h2b has alot of family that will come up from england and they will be accomodated between family as they are when they visit.
The numbers are an issue and more so on his side there are literally dozens of under 10 year olds and theres almost always another person expecting. (His family is huge, I struggle with names)

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 24/08/2017 08:19

Phone the people with children to explain that their children wont be invited.

'Hello ....., DP & I are sending out invitations for our wedding soon. Really hope you can make it but just wanted to make it clear that we wont be inviting any children under X age.' Dont apologise, dont explain just be clear.

CheeseDreams doh! I am now disappointed you dont have a gruff!

Spikeyball · 24/08/2017 08:20

I wouldn't word it as a child free opportunity.

Ropsleybunny · 24/08/2017 08:20

Entirely up to you but some with children will decline.

chronicleink · 24/08/2017 08:20

YANBU - but make it crystal clear that kids are not invited and be prepared to lose some guest because of it. Many people would prefer to go to a weeding child free ( I know I would!) but depending on whether or not they have family near by and the ages of the children it can be really difficult to get someone to look after kids during the day and/or overnight!

AngeloftheSouth84 · 24/08/2017 08:22

I'm not sure how I'd word it, may be something like "due to lack of room...."

Don't lie. Either tell the truth, or don't put an excuse. Don't make something up.

stormytherabbit · 24/08/2017 08:22

Everyone saying to the OP 'make it clear on the invitation'- how can she make it MORE clear? Surely if you are incapable of understanding 'child free' then you should probably stay at home. No one is that stupid surely.

If anyone turns up with uninvited kids they should be asked to leave for being so wilfully rude.

WinterIsComingKnitFaster · 24/08/2017 08:24

They mean "don't just say "Dear John and Mary" and hope they'll realise that the absence of mention of children means they're not invited." Say something, anything, specific.

Mummaofboys · 24/08/2017 08:24

You can do what you like, but just be warned how many people will decline the invite, I couldn't go to my best friends wedding because she wouldn't allow kids it broke my heart but I just had nobody to have my kids! I was annoyed with her and she was with me, our friendship has never been the same. Just out of interest wouldn't you kids like other children there to play with?

PoppyPopcorn · 24/08/2017 08:24

If I got an invite adressed to me and my husband, with no mention of no kids, I'd assume that it meant the kids too.

Really??? That is totally batshit crazy.

2014newme · 24/08/2017 08:26

People saying their friends were delighted with a child free wedding, but your friends can choose not to bring their kids and have a child free day even if they are invited.

greendale17 · 24/08/2017 08:28

"Your real friends will sort out childcare"

What a load of nonsense.

PoppyPopcorn · 24/08/2017 08:28

wouldn't you kids like other children there to play with?

OP says her youngest is 13. Sort of past the bouncy castle and hide and seek stage.

Pigface1 · 24/08/2017 08:28

Child free weddings are fine. TBH I wish we'd had one.

For wording - how about something like 'unfortunately due to the size of the venue, only children of the bride and groom can be accommodated'?

You might find that some people can't come due to childcare problems. I've only ever encountered one person who actually got offended that their child wasn't invited to a wedding but they were the kind of people who love to be offended IFKWIM - 'he's our child and they're saying they don't want him there, how can we not be offended?'

AngeloftheSouth84 · 24/08/2017 08:30

Surely if you are incapable of understanding 'child free' then you should probably stay at home. No one is that stupid surely.

RTFT. The OP was asking if / how to tell people. People are telling the OP to be clear about it. People are telling the OP to tell people its child free. The OP might not tell people explicitly its child free. So its potentially not clear.