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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request no kids on the wedding invites?

426 replies

Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 07:45

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.

I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

OP posts:
Original poster
Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 09:21

I dont think its insulting to find weddings boring, all the waiting , usually hungry and it can also be so expensive just to attend.
I have hated taking my kids to weddings before it is especially hard for them.
I dont want anyone to think im being a bitch but we have to draw the line somewhere.

OP posts:
BlondeB83 · 24/08/2017 09:23

Just name everyone on the invitations. I think putting 'adults only' or something crap about letting the parents 'have a night off' etc. generally pisses people off.

Original poster
Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 09:24

It was just a suggestion I made to him to fly out somewhere sunny, he loves to travel so thought it could be good. It's gonna be a chilly tartan event, no suntans in sight just aload of peely wally Scots lol

OP posts:
BlondeB83 · 24/08/2017 09:24

Wedding are boring for kids anyway.

Hulababy · 24/08/2017 09:25

Wedding are boring for kids anyway.

Depends on the wedding. Depends on the children.

Laiste · 24/08/2017 09:26

We kindly request no children under ... please

That's the clearest and simplest with no spluttering excuses about space or dressing it up that your wedding is their amazing once in a lifetime chance to be without their kids.

Don't assume that people will guess what you mean my putting parents names only, and don't assume that anyone who can't make it as a result is Not A True Friend Hmm What utter bollox that idea is!

There will be some of the guests thinking it's a shit decision to exclude children - you can't get away from that. You'll just have to stand by your own choices.

user1494187262 · 24/08/2017 09:26

Double standards everywhere on this thread

BlondeB83 · 24/08/2017 09:28

It does depend on the wedding - what I should have said is adult oriented weddings tend to be boring for children. We have many friends with young children, we didn't specify kids or not on the save the dates and all but one said they wouldn't dream of bringing the kids - invited or not. Everyone is different though!

Laiste · 24/08/2017 09:29

''Its my 2nd marriage and would have been happy to just sod off on a fancy holiday with our kids, get married and have a wee party when we come back but h2b wants the family there and I understand that.''

That was my exact situation and thoughts 5 years ago OP. Exact! Ended up with a big do and loads of kids. Lovely day, but i still wish i'd pushed a bit harder for the tropical beach idea :)

FlaviaAlbia · 24/08/2017 09:34

How insulting

Not really userlotsofnumbers.

dadshere · 24/08/2017 09:41

It is your wedding and you are perfectly within your rights to dictate the terms. Many parents will be pleased at an opportunity to go out without their kids in tow. Many parents will be unwilling or unable to arrange a babysitter and so will not be at your wedding. Some may ignore it, what will you do if someone shows up with a baby, show them the door?
It is your wedding though, so you get to make the rules.

rainbowpie · 24/08/2017 09:44

YANBU to have a childfree wedding but you will need to accept that some people won't come. My DS was 5mo and bf when my oldest friend got married (hundreds of miles away). I politely declined and she wasn't happy because "couldn't I just get a sitter?". There was a lot of "can't believe you won't be there...." on the run up to it.

Redpony1 · 24/08/2017 09:53

If you are going to have no kids, (and that'll mean some people won't be able to come and others spend money on childcare or ask others to help them with childcare) then make sure it means no kids. It's really annoying to have spent time and money on getting kids looked after to then spend the wedding listening to the groom's cousins baby crying and watching the bride's nieces and nephews running about

Bollox to that, i'm having a child free wedding due to cost/numbers, but our young nieces and nephews will be there as they are bridesmaids/pageboys.

It's normal to have direct family children there but not every Tom, Dick & Harry's children!

hlr1987 · 24/08/2017 10:02

I've been to a few weddings where people expected me to bring my toddler, particularly invited kids. I hated it: as well as planning what you want to wear you have to plan for a change of outfit and still end up covered in baby snot or food, you miss half the ceremony because baby is bored/grumpy, the wait between ceremony and food means you have to sit outside a church or in a carpark feeding baby on your own, you still have to leave early and are paranoid all day that you're ruining everyone else's day. Oh and changing nappies on the floor of a tiny toilet because no one asked the a venue to provide a changing table. And the inevitable cold your child gets the week after from being hugged by 50 semi strangers. Don't feel bad saying no kids, accept that someone will moan whatever you plan, but you'll make everyone's day easier! If it meant a sibling couldn't come, that would be one thing. Cousins/ friends/ colleagues? You'll be too distracted to notice they aren't there..

Ferrisday · 24/08/2017 10:09

Not everyone can get childcare especially if all their family and friends are at the wedding too.
Just be prepared for some people not to be able to come.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 24/08/2017 10:32

What about newborns / babes in arms
Presumably an exception?

Nope; not at my child-free wedding at least. Why would they be an exception? Nobody wants a screaming baby at their wedding.

grandOlejukeofYork · 24/08/2017 10:35

If I got an invite adressed to me and my husband, with no mention of no kids, I'd assume that it meant the kids too

Would you really? That would be a very silly assumption to make.

Leavingonajet · 24/08/2017 10:39

It is totally your choice as it is your wedding. You need to be clear that you are not inviting children or children under a certain age. You also need to to be okay with some people declining the invitation on that basis, other people will love the child free event. Personally I would decline the invite but I wouldn't mind in the slightest, it really is your choice what you do on your day.

divadee · 24/08/2017 10:47

If it is a family wedding I would have to decline as all my family would be at the wedding as well. I don't see an issue with it as long as you don't get arsey when people can't attend.

Our then 8 week old daughter wasn't invited to a wedding 200 miles away. We declined as I wasn't going to leave my 8 week old for an overnight stay so soon after she had been born. Unfortunately friend took it as a snub and we no longer talk. Pathetic in my eyes and it showed her true colours.

Have the wedding you want but don't project your feelings on to others. Be gracious if people decline and don't get all hissy if most with kids can't attend and feel that it's a personal slight on you. It's not. Childcare is hard to find.

sparechange · 24/08/2017 11:10

Why would they be an exception? Nobody wants a screaming baby at their wedding.

Really? You can't think why a newborn might be an exception to a no child rule?
Have another think...

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 24/08/2017 11:12

Really? You can't think why a newborn might be an exception to a no child rule?

Nope; can't see why a newborn would be an exception. If mum can't leave baby, and that's likely, that's fine, they are free to decline.

BlurryFace · 24/08/2017 11:14

YANBU, though guests are NBU to decline. I would rather use babysitting favours on more fun things.

timeisnotaline · 24/08/2017 11:22

what maybe because you are pretty much uninviting their mother? Which says a lot to me. I nearly couldn't go to bils wedding and would never really have thought the same about them again.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 24/08/2017 11:26

timeisnotaline No; she has choices, albeit limited.

Thankfully this situation didn't crop up at my wedding as nobody had newborns (and few had children), but if it had, "no children" would have included newborns.

The last thing anyone wants is the ceremony ruined by a screaming baby.

RiversrunWoodville · 24/08/2017 11:27

Definitely good to do it now. I hate getting an invitation where it's not clear (think "the surnames" which we presumed was all of us (only dd1 at that time clarified that with the groom who said "yes of course all of you", then day before wedding mother of groom arrives and says we have a cancellation so good news we have a kids meal so dd1 can come to the whole thingConfused)
Child free weddings don't work for us but we are happy to decline with no ill feelings and that way B&G can know numbers accordingly