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God forbid I ask for a favour from DH (and don't even get me started on Mother's Day!)

(167 Posts)
Zhan Sun 26-Mar-17 12:08:37

So yesterday I spoke to DH about furniture restoration - something I would like to do as a hobby and something that could generate us a bit of extra cash. He was all up for it. I spoke about how excited I was about the project and told him I'd found an old bookcase for sale for £10 which I had great ideas for. Again, he was all up for it. I said I needed one favour and that was that he come with me to pick it up as I wouldn't be able to lift it into the car on my own (plus it's a new car which I've not driven yet). 5 minute drive. He said "no problem" and again, seemed all up for it.

So still dead excited, confirmed with seller they still had it, double checked again with DH that he would come with (said he would, no problem) - I agree a time with seller and suddenly DH says "I don't want to, can't be arsed". He goes on to say that my hobby shouldn't involve him "messing around" and it's not my hobby at all if he's the one running around doing everything!! I'd asked him to help me get it home, that's it! Fuming and just feel so deflated and sad that he can't be arsed to do a 5 minute drive with me for something I've been excited about all weekend.

On top on this my eldest son (18) has "misplaced" my Mother's Day present (read - drank it) and I have received no cards from either of my kids (got a box of after eights from youngest). Eldest greeted me this morning with "why do you weigh your cereal? Why are you so weird? Is it because you want to look like a 20 year old like them?" (I was looking through catalogue).

Fucked off, fed up and feel like telling them all to do one.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 26-Mar-17 12:12:58

Gosh, your family sound really horrible.

Stop doing anything for them. Do you have any friends you could go out with today? I'd spend the entire day out and they can fend for themselves.
I'd also forget/misplace any future gifts or celebrations for them (except youngest).

Do you have any other friends or family who will come and help you get the shelf?

It's eye opening how much shit so many women put up!

Zhan Sun 26-Mar-17 12:15:48

I just don't get it. He was all up for it yesterday, all up for it last night, all up for it this morning even - I've been planning what paints to get and everything and then all of a sudden without warning or reason "actually no, I don't want to help you".

Thanks DH.

Zhan Sun 26-Mar-17 12:16:46

Nobody else than can help. I could attempt to get it on my own but if I get there and can't lift it (or do my back in trying!) I'm knackered.!

GerardNoWay Sun 26-Mar-17 12:17:14

Find a friend who will help you with the shelf, and then tell OH and kids you're off out and treat yourself.

It's so unfair your OH has gone back on something he said he would help with, especially considering you were so enthusiastic about it!

Don't lift a finger for them and do something nice for you gin winecakebrew whatever tickles your fancy wink

KinkyAfro Sun 26-Mar-17 12:18:00

That's awful, it would be understandable if he had a decent excuse but if he just said he couldn't be arse that's bang out of order

fuzzywuzzy Sun 26-Mar-17 12:18:38

Maybe the seller will help you load it up?

Your H sounds like he's trying to undermine you. Ex used to do this he'd act like he was supporting me then at the last minute have massive arguments or do things to try and delay me so I'd miss deadlines or be late for important things.

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 26-Mar-17 12:18:54

What a twat. Sod him. Don't let him stop you from doing what you aspire to. Surely the guy with the bookshelf could help you move it into the car?
As for the kids, I'd be checking the housework rota is up to date with all tasks evenly distributed wink

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 26-Mar-17 12:19:53

Or tell the 18yo that there's a perfect opportunity to make the lack of a present up to you, he can come along and carry a bookshelf for you.

ClopySow Sun 26-Mar-17 12:23:51

Yes, get the 18 year old to help you. Or ask the seller.

MumW Sun 26-Mar-17 12:23:55

Tell him that if he can't be arsed to give you 1/2 an hour of his time to help you then you can't be arsed to do the dinner/laundry/etc.

Will the seller help you with it into the car. Once it's home he'll have no choice but to help you get it out.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Sun 26-Mar-17 12:25:31

Hi op and sorry your having a shit day. Your dH shouldn't have let you down like that, it's not nice.

Please don't take this the wrong way but if you struggle to life furniture, is furniture restoration the right hobby/job for you?

CoolCarrie Sun 26-Mar-17 12:38:24

Get the 18 year old to help out. Don't miss out because he is being a selfish git.

SapphireStrange Sun 26-Mar-17 12:41:42

Ask your son not to speak to you like that and request that he comes and helps you with the bookcase.

Ask your DH for an explanation of why he has changed his script so suddenly and drastically.

Zhan Sun 26-Mar-17 12:43:27

DH has developed this into a full blown argument saying he never said he'd help me (outright lie, he was still saying he would help me this morning) and that he's not saying "he" doesn't want to do it, he's saying he doesn't want "me" to do it either.
I said "well, tough, you don't get to say what I do or don't do" so he said "well yes, I'm discovering that is your outlook on life" - like that's a bad thing!!
Now he won't even help me put the seats down in the car. We only bought it yesterday, it's a big fuck off landrover - I'm shit scared of driving it (which he knows) and I don't know how to do the seats. He's mortified that I'm still planning on going alone so I'm waiting for him to say I can't use his car either.

museumum Sun 26-Mar-17 12:44:42

Get your child to come with you to make up for the present drinking.

bignamechangeroonie Sun 26-Mar-17 12:46:31

He's being really controlling

You HAVE to go. Strap your big girl pants on and put the seats down and go. It will be fine. Ask a friend, take one of your shitty kids, maybe the one that gave you the after eights.

And then tell your husband you've had enough of his controlling arseholiness. Dump him, he clearly doesn't support you.

bignamechangeroonie Sun 26-Mar-17 12:46:55

And it's not HIS car.

AmserGwin Sun 26-Mar-17 12:48:22

You've passed your driving test - drive the car, and get the seller to help you lift it in. There is probably a button on the top of the seats to press to release them. You can do this without him!

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks Sun 26-Mar-17 12:48:57

Your DH is being an absolute arse! A marriage is supposed to be a partnership with both supporting the other. I agree, ask the 18-year old to help. If neither of them want to help, perhaps ask the seller to help you load it. And then take yourself off for the rest of the day somewhere. Have a nice dinner at a restaurant/cafe, switch off your phone, and let them sort dinner out for themselves this evening.

youarenotkiddingme Sun 26-Mar-17 12:50:01

Is he always such a controlling arse?

GardenGeek Sun 26-Mar-17 12:50:12

I am fit mid-20s and have made cash from time to time with furniture restoration. I saw it as more of a subsidised hobby rather / pocket money maker than a living wage.

Nearly all furniture (except chairs) take two people to lift safely. Sure me or my DP could probably lift some of this stuff by ourselves but I/ he shouldn't because your only have one back. Once its gone. Its gone.

OP Go and make your 18yo with you. Tell him its for dinner cooked tonight and forgiveness for drinking the present. And if he says no, tell him he's not having dinner either and just go and the seller will help you, or a neighbour/ passerby when you get there .

Tell DH he can make his own dinner for the next fortnight. "Its not his meal at all if your running around all the time doing everything."

Washing: "Its not his washing at all if your running around all the time doing everything."

Etc... have fun with that phrase wink

Deux Sun 26-Mar-17 12:50:23

What an ass. Next time he asks you for a favour or indeed anything, say yes then at the last minute say no and remind of this situation.

You're a competent driver so you'll be fine. Leave early so you can drive a little to get used to it.

Get the manual out for the seats or look on youtube/online.

Let this be the last time he gets to undermine you. Have something to eat when you're out and don't cook dinner. Just say that you don't want to and you don't want anyone else to eat either. See how that goes.

nakedscientist Sun 26-Mar-17 12:51:37

Gosh OP DH sounds nasty, to be honest. Will your DS help you? Stay strong, you are in the right flowers

Shylo Sun 26-Mar-17 12:53:06

There is clearly so much more to this - your husband is a controlling arse and your 18 yr old is learning to treat you badly as that is what he sees.

You can drive, pull your big girl pants on and go get the bookcase: tell your 18 year old he's coming with you and should he refuse I'm afraid he'd be going the same was as your husband and cooking and cleaning for himself from now on...... worst case message the seller and ask if they can help you load it into the car.

I know it's hard OP but stand up for yourself, don't back down to them

And enjoy your renovation smile

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