God forbid I ask for a favour from DH (and don't even get me started on Mother's Day!)

[Zhan]

So yesterday I spoke to DH about furniture restoration - something I would like to do as a hobby and something that could generate us a bit of extra cash. He was all up for it. I spoke about how excited I was about the project and told him I'd found an old bookcase for sale for £10 which I had great ideas for. Again, he was all up for it. I said I needed one favour and that was that he come with me to pick it up as I wouldn't be able to lift it into the car on my own (plus it's a new car which I've not driven yet). 5 minute drive. He said "no problem" and again, seemed all up for it.

So still dead excited, confirmed with seller they still had it, double checked again with DH that he would come with (said he would, no problem) - I agree a time with seller and suddenly DH says "I don't want to, can't be arsed". He goes on to say that my hobby shouldn't involve him "messing around" and it's not my hobby at all if he's the one running around doing everything!! I'd asked him to help me get it home, that's it! Fuming and just feel so deflated and sad that he can't be arsed to do a 5 minute drive with me for something I've been excited about all weekend.

On top on this my eldest son (18) has "misplaced" my Mother's Day present (read - drank it) and I have received no cards from either of my kids (got a box of after eights from youngest). Eldest greeted me this morning with "why do you weigh your cereal? Why are you so weird? Is it because you want to look like a 20 year old like them?" (I was looking through catalogue).

Fucked off, fed up and feel like telling them all to do one.

OP how can you live with a man who treats you like that? I suspect the children are behaving that way because of his attitude to you.

Glad you got the bookcase OP, well done. Looks like a fabulous project.

Someone earlier mentioned Gas Lighting. If you've never heard of this before, google it. It does seem to be something that could be happening to you, and if you do recognise any of the signs, now might the time to consider your options (gas lighters are very controlling/manipulative people). Here's a link that explains: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/gaslighting-know-it-and-identify-it-protect-yourself

Hya, just wanted to say good on you for getting it, I would have helped you because I've been threw all that and it's horrible, how mean can other people be, I'm in the Walsall are, so ever need help then I'm your woman! I realy felt for you reading your post. I to like to revenge furniture and that, always got something or the other on the go, it's s great idea. Good look to you.

I feel so awful for you. I have a car and honestly feel like helping you myself. I hate when people make out they're supportivery of you but aren't. Just say your not then keep your opinions to yourself afterwards. My other half is the most supportive person I've ever come across and does anything he can to make me happy. Ditch the asshole and get one like mine.
I agree with the "misplacing" eldest child's gifts in future until he gets the idea that's it's one day a year... a present wouldn't go amiss or even just a hear felt card x

Well done you ... I know how you feel - I usually get the eye rolling to the ceiling and huffing and puffing when I ask for anything at all. So glad you did what you had to do and didn't need him - keep on moving up and enjoy your restoration and your lovely car

Well done for getting the bookcase yourself.
Your post made me feel sad and angry for you. I would've helped you! Best of luck with your new hobby. Throw yourself into it and ignore running around after those that don't seem to appreciate you.

I find this thread really sad

Dear Zhan

Well done for sorting things yourself - you now know that you are capable of more than you thought. Just a suggestion, in future when there is work to be done around the house that DH would normally do and if you can't do it yourself, recommend getting someone in to do it - especially if they are a friend or neighbour. This takes the "control" away from someone who is undermining you and shows that you can sort things without them. If they see the error of their ways, they will rush to help as they may wake up to the fact that they could become redundant, or worse, replaced.

Wishing you the very best

Oh OP that's awful, I'd do anything I could to do it myself, sod them, will the seller help you with it into the car?

Is DH often like this?

Sorry, just noticed you got it! Well done OP!

Things like that are exactly why I'm now happily single !

It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. My husband has learnt not to push me and tell me i cant do something. Gamekeepers daughter in me. I CAN move a 12ft long 8ft high garden fence panel (the ones made by hand heavy duty ones) on my own if the husband laughs and tells me "do it your bloody self" ok i will. And as always I did. The feeling after was amazing lol. So well done u. Xxx

Congratulations OP you gave yourself a great Mothers Day gift. Enjoy the project and I hope it's so successful you make it the first of many.

Your kids are treating you with disdain because your husbands a verbal abuser. He has no respect for you so they don't. We all have had terrible teens. But this behaviour is a direct result of your husbands attitude towards you. You did not say it so I am asking. Are you a homemaker. Because clearly he does not respect you enough to make a contribution to the household.

As I said I have seen this before in other people I know. Its a question of whether you stand up for yourself and go on strike. Three days to a week should do it. Or better yet go to see a relative on your own. They will soon appreciate how much you do around the house. And I bet your husband will be as sweet as pie when you return.

If he is not. Then I would seriously consider whether this relationship is right for you and how (if you want to) are you going to fix it. Because clearly at present it is too one sided.

Agree with fuzzywuzzy, surprisingly there are people out there like that and it's even more shocking when it might be someone you're married to or other family member or friend. Crazy - jealous. Don't let him put you off getting your hobby started.

And moyesp makes sense too