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She stole my name!

(294 Posts)
tepidtulip Sun 22-Jan-17 17:05:12

Ok so I have name changed for this as this is probably going to be very identifying and I don't fancy people working out who am I am then finding all my previous posts. Mainly all the disgusting things I recently admitted to!

I'm pregnant and due February 22nd(!!!). My hormones are all over the place so I really don't know whether I'm over reacting or not. It took me a long time to get pregnant and during this time many of my friends had children and I was genuinely so pleased for them but also (only in private, I hope) incredibly jealous. I say this because I feel like I understand what it's like to want children and not currently have them and therefore I have tried to stay calm.

My DHs sister (my SIL) is in her late 40s and single, having broken up with a long term partner a couple of years ago. After the break-up things were understandably very difficult for her and she moved back in with my ILs. A few weeks ago we asked me what names we were thinking of for our baby as she wanted to do some embroidery and I (stupidly) told her we'd decided on Toby.

Last week I popped over to the ILs and SIL has got a new puppy that she is currently referring to as 'her baby' which I thought was sweet. He's a choc lab and absolutely gorgeous if it matters. However she's called him Tobias which obviously is being shortened to Toby!!

I'm absolutely fuming. At the time I said oh but that's our name for our baby and she did a fucking tinkling laugh and said 'oh but nobody owns a name'. I went home and absolutely bawled my eye out to DH who gave her a ring and tried to explain how we felt. She is refusing to change the dogs name and has passed on a message through our ILs that we graciously doesn't mind if we copy her baby's name but she won't be changing it.

I know nobody owns a name and I know I was so, so stupid to tell her the name early but seriously what the fuck?! Am I being irrational or is this just fucking crazy?!

lizb30 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:08:50

A bit shit of her yes but unless you copywrite a name you don't own it.
I've had this done to me twice (not with a dog admittedly).I just shrugged it off. Not much else you can do.

Pettywoman Sun 22-Jan-17 17:09:12

That would annoy me too. I would still name your child Toby if you love it and don't have any close alternative.

coralpig Sun 22-Jan-17 17:09:34

She sounds pathetic.

heron98 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:11:25

YABU. Who cares? I am sure it will be obvious which is the dog and which the baby.

BaronessBomburst Sun 22-Jan-17 17:11:35

She's batshit. Call your son Toby.

TelephonicsSuper Sun 22-Jan-17 17:13:17

Just name the baby Toby, and don't worry about it, the dozy cow. No-one else will care and when your kiddie realises s/he has the same name as the dog s/he will love it, it's the kind of thing small kids think is cool...Oh, and obvs the dog won't last forever...

Oysterbabe Sun 22-Jan-17 17:14:05

I don't think it would bother me that much and wouldn't stop me using the name.

Servicesupportforall Sun 22-Jan-17 17:14:44

Use the name. She sounds a bit spiteful so ignore her.

dailyshite Sun 22-Jan-17 17:15:24

Just call the baby Toby and refer to the dog as the dog

Isadora2007 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:15:32

That's really horrible of her. Call the dog toblerone (he is chocolate after all!) and your baby Toby...
and ask SIL where your embroidered gift is...

stabbybitch Sun 22-Jan-17 17:15:41

I would be mighty pissed off and thinks she's a bitch but like you say nobody owns a name so would just have to get over it.

I wouldn't use Toby now though.

PeridotPassion Sun 22-Jan-17 17:16:18

She's a bitch.

Use the name you love, it's just a dog. I would have to ask her face to face why she used the name you'd told her you were calling your son though.

If anything, feel sorry for her too. All this 'her baby' stuff over a dog and using the name you had chosen...sounds like her life is pretty empty tbh.

CockacidalManiac Sun 22-Jan-17 17:16:24

The dog won't live for ever; I'd still use the name. She's obviously batshit.

wictional Sun 22-Jan-17 17:16:36

My cousin just named their child the name I've wanted for my baby since I was 12 and which means a lot to me. I'm absolutely devastated, and feel like I will now be "copying them" whether a name is "stealable" or not! At least it wasn't a dog though - I'd be insulted then! I don't think yabu. flowers

BishopBrennansArse Sun 22-Jan-17 17:16:54

It's a dog, it'll be dead in 10 years or so wink

londonrach Sun 22-Jan-17 17:17:51

Love the name. tobias. Tim and the hidden people fan i take it. Its a magical name. Very special. Just call your ds what you like. Ones a dog ones a baby.

ClockKeeper Sun 22-Jan-17 17:18:25

What a tosser!

Still use the name and if anyone remarks say loudly what happened.

I was all ready to say you are pathetic but actually you aren't and your sister in law is a hateful bitch!

have had shit day in case you couldn't tell

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 22-Jan-17 17:19:08

Still use it. Your Toby will be around much longer and only an idiot would confuse the two anyway.

A family member did this to us with her dc. Practically copied one of our dc's names (she used a shoretened version), then used the name we'd chosen for the dc I was pregnant with as his middle name. I've no idea why people are so pathetic really confused

mum11970 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:19:39

Not helpful but I've got a dog called Toby as well.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Sun 22-Jan-17 17:19:42

She's done it on purpose for sure.

You must still call your baby Toby. I agree with calling your baby Toby and the dog "the dog" - for clarity of course.

Slightly confusing for the ILs though!

Sickofthisnow Sun 22-Jan-17 17:20:04

It doesn't affect you. It's a dog.

kilmuir Sun 22-Jan-17 17:20:14

YAbu.
Move on and pick a better name

Kpo58 Sun 22-Jan-17 17:20:22

I think a bit of both.

Your hormones are making things seem worse than they are and it is rather odd that she has gone out and bought a puppy to give the same name as the one you wanted for your baby.

Just remember as a lab, he'll probably only be around for 12-14 years (or gone much sooner if your sister in law knows nothing about dogs and just has him as a passing fad) and that Toby is quite a common name for a dog.

icelollycraving Sun 22-Jan-17 17:20:34

Call your baby Toby (the first). I hold a grudge terribly so I'd avoid her, I know that's childish but I wouldn't care.

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