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AIBU?

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Original poster

She stole my name!

293 replies

tepidtulip · 22/01/2017 17:05

Ok so I have name changed for this as this is probably going to be very identifying and I don't fancy people working out who am I am then finding all my previous posts. Mainly all the disgusting things I recently admitted to!

I'm pregnant and due February 22nd(!!!). My hormones are all over the place so I really don't know whether I'm over reacting or not. It took me a long time to get pregnant and during this time many of my friends had children and I was genuinely so pleased for them but also (only in private, I hope) incredibly jealous. I say this because I feel like I understand what it's like to want children and not currently have them and therefore I have tried to stay calm.

My DHs sister (my SIL) is in her late 40s and single, having broken up with a long term partner a couple of years ago. After the break-up things were understandably very difficult for her and she moved back in with my ILs. A few weeks ago we asked me what names we were thinking of for our baby as she wanted to do some embroidery and I (stupidly) told her we'd decided on Toby.

Last week I popped over to the ILs and SIL has got a new puppy that she is currently referring to as 'her baby' which I thought was sweet. He's a choc lab and absolutely gorgeous if it matters. However she's called him Tobias which obviously is being shortened to Toby!!

I'm absolutely fuming. At the time I said oh but that's our name for our baby and she did a fucking tinkling laugh and said 'oh but nobody owns a name'. I went home and absolutely bawled my eye out to DH who gave her a ring and tried to explain how we felt. She is refusing to change the dogs name and has passed on a message through our ILs that we graciously doesn't mind if we copy her baby's name but she won't be changing it.

I know nobody owns a name and I know I was so, so stupid to tell her the name early but seriously what the fuck?! Am I being irrational or is this just fucking crazy?!

OP posts:
Meluzyna · 22/01/2017 18:03

I like what @EweAreHere suggested: very dignified.

And then I would either call my son Toby and refer to The Dog as the Dog or (Toblerone - nice isea)
or NOT call my son Toby and then bring up the fact that it's Scottish slang for a penis whenever you get the opportunity.

If you do decide to call your son Toby when he gets a bit older don't forget to tell him that Indiana Jones was called after the dog (his real name was Henry) - how cool is that?

EccentricPickle · 22/01/2017 18:03

I would change the baby's name and hope that she actually DOES do an embroidery for you saying "Toby". Don't let her know the new name till after the baby comes and if she presents you with an embroidery tell her why you didn't use the name. You didn't want people to think you had named your baby after a dog!

happypoobum · 22/01/2017 18:04

My SIL called her cat the same name as she knew I was going to call my DS. Didn't bother me at all, I thought it was nice that she liked the name.

I agree with PP, once you have the baby you will probably laugh at yourself and just put it down to hormones.

moobeana · 22/01/2017 18:04

It's shit, but don't let it get you down.

Call your ds Toby and refer to the dog as 'Toby-dog'. Every time. Never waver, even if they object.

ollieplimsoles · 22/01/2017 18:07

really selfish thing for her to do- its also a way of her knowing what you were planning to call your baby before anyone else.

Never give your name out to anyone!

seafoodeatit · 22/01/2017 18:07

Hormonal and pregnant lady here too!

YANBU, she's a nasty bitch.

Meluzyna · 22/01/2017 18:09

Oh yes, don't forget to ask how the embroidery is going ...... and keep on asking until she produces the gift.

user1484317265 · 22/01/2017 18:09

Are people here really comfortable calling a random woman they don't know things like: unhinged/pathetic cow/nasty bitch/fucking this that and the other, even though they know she is lonely and struggling?

You happy with this, OP, this amount of vitriol to your husbands sister, all because of a dogs name? Does it make you feel better?

It shouldn't.

TheCustomaryMethod · 22/01/2017 18:10

Are you the SIL?

Nope! Grin

Obviously my opinion differs from yours, but just I don't understand the cause for outrage - it's a name - it's not a name she invented herself - it's not even an unusual name. There must be thousands of people, dogs, rabbits, goldfish etc. called 'Toby' and she must be well aware of that.

hifi · 22/01/2017 18:10

Toby is a wet name, choose a better one.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 22/01/2017 18:14

It's a dog, it'll be dead in 10 years or so wink

Oh that made me laugh. I'm going to hell.

Yeah OP she sounds like a bitch. Ignore her and call your baby Toby, if you still think it suits him when he's here.

As an aside I think it's completely batshit to give your dog a 'proper name' and a nickname. I know pedigrees have given names but I thought they came from the breeder, not the owner.

What's she planning to do, put Tobias on his birth certificate? So he can use it when he's older, or if he becomes a judge or a surgeon? Madness.

scottishdiem · 22/01/2017 18:14

I really dont get why people are so precious about names to be honest. I would feel more pity for the SIL than anything else if this was genuinely done in some way to spite the OP.

I'd just call the dog Tobias anyway and leave everything be.

jeaux90 · 22/01/2017 18:15

I love Isadoras idea. Just call the dog toblerone it will annoy the batshit sil and when she complains you can do the same PA laugh back at her.

Rostom · 22/01/2017 18:15

She is a bitch but.... you have 'everything' in her warped eyes and I feel of modicum of pity.......

Name your baby Toby, ensure you ask for the embroidery and call her dog Toblerone at every opportunity.

Or, search on a dating website for a man named Toby, for her.....!

Sorted.

3luckystars · 22/01/2017 18:17

But you have already picked his name, she called her dog after your baby? Still use it.

BingBongBingBong · 22/01/2017 18:17

She did this in a sneaky way, very petty of her. I agree with just referring to the dog as Toblerone or 'the dog' and never ever calling it Toby and using the name for your baby, still.

crumpet · 22/01/2017 18:22

Op, if you feel the need then I'd suggest your response should be "we're still totally astonished that you pretended to want to know our baby's name so you could embroider a present, instead of wanting to use it for a dog, but pleased that you obviously like the name so much. Toby rules!"

piggypoo · 22/01/2017 18:23

My SIL', when pregnant last year with her daughter had picked out a name that my pregnant sister had already chosen, these two women had never met mind, and I was asked by SIL to ask my sister to pick a different name, as it would be "complicated" if they ever met up. This is quite unlikely, as our families are not close. I said no, as my SIL had only decided she liked the name when she'd asked me if my sister had thought of any names for her baby, then decided she'd sneak in and take that name from my sister's baby! Weird I thought!

justcheese · 22/01/2017 18:23

I had a cat called Toby.

helpful

MissBeehiving · 22/01/2017 18:24

BIL called his dog the same name as me Hmm but she was a nice dog so it wasn't too bad 😄😄😄

YouOKHun · 22/01/2017 18:25

She is seething with envy I imagine and this is the best swipe at you and your DH that she can manage, I find it rather sad. please go ahead and use the name, rise above it. She knows that when your son arrives all eyes will be on him and she's right.

SabrinaTheTeenageBitch · 22/01/2017 18:26

I had this done to me by SIL with her baby who was due six weeks before mine. Awful but nothing i could do but call her a cunt under my breath.

This however is a dog. Use the name

girlelephant · 22/01/2017 18:27

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy. YANBU and she entirely is! I think it's really odd that she names a dog Tobias and I don't understand why you would give a dog a full name and then use its NN!?

Well done to your DH for making contact with her and asking her to change it. As she won't decide you don't care, your baby Toby will not be mixed up with a dog.

(I say this as a dog lover!)

Inertia · 22/01/2017 18:27

If you still love the name, use it. Your SIL is coming across as jealous , with enough calculated malice to be able to bleat that she didn't choose the same name.

Never refer to the dog as Tobias. I like idea of always calling it the dog, or DoggyTobias.

Allthebestnamesareused · 22/01/2017 18:28

If she did a tinkly laugh and said nobody owns a name then clearly the SIL is on mumsnet anyway and will know how the OP feels!